A little over two years ago I left a less than healthy relationship (every girl usually has at least one!). A relationship that had sucked me dry of confidence, self belief and worth. One which left me wanting to decrease my visibility in the world, and more specifically to men, so I unconsciously decided to put on weight.
My weight gain was a way to hide myself because it seemed “safe” however it was also an indication that I there were underlining aspects to address. It also became more evident that as I started to build my business not only was I hiding myself away from men, I was also hiding myself away from women – the very people I wanted to help.
Weight gain is one way to do in-visibility, another is to hide behind images other than your own; being angry; being despondent and/or failing to socialise.
Visibility; without it you won’t get the relationship you want, the job you desire or clients and thus finances you require for your business to succeed. In fact your success in any endeavour will be moderate unless you allow yourself to be seen.
Visibility requires courage, as Benjamin Mee said “all you need is 20secs…”. When you have such courage and give yourself permission to be visible you now show up in life. Showing up means you remove the masquerade to be vulnerable and allow transparency.
Such transparency results in you being a participator rather than a spectator. You make a choice to be honest, to be authentic which means you have made the choice to let your true essence/s to be revealed.
Reasons we remain invisible
Not many people like rejection, however that is only because they perceive rejection as
negative. Rejection is symbolic of many positive things, such as: the need to love who you are; a sign that you are on the wrong path; an indication that you were settling for less than you deserve or that the universe holds for you.
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.” What Marcus Aurelius is teaching us is that when you choose not to be rejected; when you chose to see it as nothing more than an action of another then you cannot be hurt / rejected.
If fear of rejection has been an issue for you then consider time you have been rejected and in hindsight how being rejected proved to be beneficial.
When we lack confidence we shy and back away from opportunities and impede ourselves from reaching our full potential. When simplified confidence comes down to believing in yourself. Having certainty about who you are and what you have to offer. When you are secure in what you offer others and who you are then you have confidence.
Whilst there are external things you can use to lift your confidence (make up, clothes, compliments) it’s a trait that is more powerful when it comes from within you.
Does lacking confidence resonate with you? Listen to what your inner voice is saying and politely correct it. Find affirmations that work for you and embed them at a deep level.
The person who has kept themselves unseen has most likely done this for a period of time. Thus to remove that invisibility cloak can be very overwhelming. Even for the person who has had the cloak partially on, it can seem easier to remain in the back ground. However remember being in the background is holding you back.
Feeling overwhelmed is linked to various things such as: placing high expectations on ourselves; perfection pressure; a need to control situations and/or making matters to be bigger and more complex than they are.
When having visibility is overwhelming for you, then start small. Break it down into sizeable chunks. Consider being visible like building a muscle; small repetitive actions will build up your resilience and you are being seen.
Ways to get visible
Visibility does not mean you have to hire a loud speaker and platform, although it would definitely be breaking some barriers if you did! Here are some other suggestions for you which might feel much easier:
Such a simple, cost effective way to connect with people! A sincere smile can make the difference to someone else’s day – as well as your own!
Sharing is about divulging your thoughts, passions, fascinations and what you stand for. Which can be done over a coffee, on social media, a blog or via groups and gatherings.
Sharing can be done via writing, photo’s and/or videos. It can be done via comments, images, quotes or presentations which reflect who you are. When we have a question, thought or idea you can count on someone else having the same or similar train of thought. So know that anything you communicate there will be at least one person resonating with you!
What is something you can share that you’ve been hiding? and how can you share that in a way that feels safe for you?
Physically and metaphysically going outside is empowering. It is the physical aspect of consciously taking yourself out into the world and metaphysically and/or unconsciously telling the world you are ready to be seen!
Being outside is also a way to get grounded. When you are grounded we are centred within your self and have a great resilience to stress.
Going outside could be going for a walk, picnic, to the beach, to a cafe to read or work, perhaps going to the shops. It doesn’t have to be catching up with anyone specifically yet it does mean being in places where there are other people!
Where will you go today which takes you outside into the world?
Connect with people
Often when you’ve been playing the invisible game there will be friends, colleagues or associates whom you haven’t connected with for a while. There could be other reasons for this however you choosing to cocoon yourself will have contributed.
Some of these people will fall into the category of natural attrition and you won’t have any desire to connect with them. Others you will feel enthusiastic about re-connecting and the ones you are meant to reconnect with will be genuinely happy to hear from you.
Make a list of people who you haven’t touched base with in a while. Decide how you will make contact (phone, email, text, facebook), then make contact!
Visibility engages your soul and lights it up. You become magnetising not just to others yet also to the universe to deliver what it is you are wanting. Life becomes just that bit more enjoyable.
Please be aware that when you get visible you may not be everybody’s cup of tea and that is absolutely OK. Because as per Anthropologist Robin Dunbar’s suggestion that we can only maintain a certain number of relationships, so we might as well make sure they are relationships that count!