Category Archives: Health and Wellbeing

Speaking your truth is not confrontation

Most people consider speaking up or speaking their truth as confrontation. When it comes to addressing matters with others many clients say to me “Oh I’m not good at or I don’t like confrontation”.

To discuss and converse with others is actually not confrontation. Confrontation is a hostile or argumentative situation. If you are going into a conversation ready for “battle” then perhaps it could be considered as such. Alternatively if you are going into a conversation with the aim to resolve or to speak up for yourself, in a kind and respectful manner, then it is not confrontation.

Speaking up and stating your truth is more about you than the other person. Considering it as confrontation can just be a smoke screen for what is really concerning you. Underlining concerns could include:

being fearful that the other person won’t like what you have to say. That they will disagree with you or reject you;
concerned with your ability to stand your ground;
avoiding the discomfort you will feel;
de-valuing or questioning yourself and your needs;
endeavouring to be a people pleaser; and/or
the other person will react in a hostile manner.

Now if the other person has a history of being aggressive and threatening then your concern could be very valid. In that instance then you might need to consider the setting in which you have such a conversation as well as having a support person or people.

Whilst you have choice it is critical to understand the impact of not speaking up. Which includes:

increase of stress within the mind, body & spirit which is draining
disempowerment creating a lack of self worth, confidence and belief
others assuming what they are doing is ok and you approve
disengage from other people and become isolated
reinforce neurological pathways for fear which may show up in other areas of life
decreases opportunities for yourself and others to learn

When it comes to communication the words you use are a small fraction of the communication exchange.

The pitch and tone of your voice, along with the speed, rhythm and pauses you use to say your words can actually express more about what you are communicating than the actual words you use.

In addition your body language, as in your posture, pose, gestures and expressions, convey subtle non-verbal signals. Which can be perceived as either supporting or contradicting your words. In fact this component contributes to 55% of the communication process. Of course noting these percentages change if the communication is not face to face.

Disagreement or Rejection of your Truth

If another person is not willing to listen to you or to endeavour to understand your needs and what is right for you or if they react in a way that is defensive, often because their own issues have been triggered. It is important to remember what is right for you, doesn’t have to be right for them.

Also be aware that if a person isn’t wanting to support you in what you’ve had to say it could be they don’t want to change the status quo. Because it is more comfortable for them, or it best suits their needs, for things (as well as you) to remain the way it is.

Remember that people do things for their own reasons so if you can position what you want to change as beneficial to them, you have more chance of them taking on board what you’ve got to say.

Ability to Stand your Ground

There is a saying in sport; Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. So when it comes to standing your ground it can be good to consider what the other person may say so that you can more easily counteract or address it. In other words having a “comeback” for their possible objections or disagreements with what is being said.

Avoiding Discomfort

Somethings are uncomfortable, especially if we are not use to doing them. Speaking up is a skill and like any skill once we do it often enough we become more comfortable with doing it. At times too the discomfort we are feeling is a result of our mind and what we think could happen.

Address your discomfort of speaking up by starting small in what you bring up with others e.g. topics that don’t have big emotional impacts on others. Also when you are asked what you want for lunch instead of saying “you choose” or “I don’t mind” speak about about what you want to eat. You will become more at ease with having a voice.

For the more emotional conversations have goal for the conversation. Consider what is your ideal outcome from the conversation. This will help guide you in what you say and if you are really nervous just write it all down – it is ok to read from a piece of paper to keep you on track for what you want to convey.

Valuing Yourself

Placing value on yourself on what is right for you is really important. As such you are helping others understand what you are willing (and not willing) to tolerate. Questioning your truth, and the importance of it, is simply de-valuing your own needs. If you are doing this then it could be you need to work on your self worth.

A great technique for respectfully disagreeing with others and reducing resistance, is the agreement frame. The agreement frame takes uses one or more of the following templates to communicate:

I agree <insert what you can honestly agree with> also/and <give your alternative>
I respect <insert what you can genuinely respect about their point of view> also <give your alternative>
I appreciate <insert what you can really appreciate> and <give your alternative>

These frames endeavour to keep the person you are communicating with engaged and open rather than being shut off to your ideas and views. Thus creating a space of less resistance.

People Pleasing

People pleasing tends to come from a deep needs of external validation. They worry about how the will be perceived and deeply fear being rejected. The people pleaser tends to think it is their role to make every one around them happy, usually at the expense of themselves.

Pleasing others at the expense of yourself can be stressful and draining. Ultimately it can also destroy the friendship and/or relationship. Because when you continually disregard your own truth and what is right for your, you can become resentful of the other person.

Hostility

If the person has a history of hostile reactions then perhaps it is a discussion which can legitimately be considered as confrontational. In that case then perhaps a different style of communication other than face to face could be ideal. Alternatively consider having a support person to attend the discussion with you.

Remember your goal is to be assertive not aggressive. So using “I statements” can assist with this. In that way you are taking responsibility for how you feel rather than accusatory. Rather than say, “You’re so disrespectful arriving late for our lunch” say, “I feel disrespected and unloved when you arrive late.”

Speaking your truth and having boundaries around what is right for you does become easier the more you practice it. You also gain more skills at dealing with those people or situations that can be less than easy to manage. Remember to start small and keep building upon your skill set.

Understanding the process and sequence of healing

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Being on my own healing journey, as well as supporting others on their own, I’ve often wondered what is the reason healing doesn’t happen, per say, overnight. Why, despite all the work done to release an issue, that it either so much time and effort to be healed. Can reappear in other ways or not be 100% released. What is the reason it usually takes several sessions of healing related to the same issue before we are liberated from it. Seeking to understand the process of healing.

The common analogy used to describe the healing process is the layers of an onion. As in with an onion when you keep peeling the layers back you get to the core. That too with healing as you peel back a layer, which in healing involves having acceptance of what is and what has been, letting go and integrating the lesson, you get to the core matter and healing is able to occur.

So whilst I believe this to be somewhat true of healing I don’t believe it is the best analogy to explain the reason healing takes time and/or the healing process.

Recently I saw this saying “Healing unfolds in its own time; it doesn’t look to a calendar or clock for direction” (unknown). After having worked on several aspects of an issue, I personally came to understand that in divine timing the healing just falls into place. Just like <snap of the fingers> that. Similar to how a mechanical puzzle works. In that all the parts are interlinked and once the parts are in the right place the puzzle becomes whole and/or unlocks.

Each healing session can be considered as interlinked parts of the puzzle / greater picture. Knowing that each and every session has its own merit because it is critical to uncovering information required for the process of healing. And as with a combination lock once all the parts of the code are obtained, in the right and correct order, healing occurs to be the new way of being.

The trauma, grief, pain, etc that occurs from people; situations; places; things fundamentally creates stress. That stress winds into the body and we hold it mentally; emotionally; spiritually; physically and/or chemically. Hence the reason it is important to have a modality (yes such as kinesiology) which helps unwind such stress from all aspects of who we are ~ mind; body and spirit.

Once stress is unwound from the body we then need to process it in order to release it as well as integrate the benefit thereof. Sometimes that process can be very gentle however at times a person can have an adverse reaction to healing. Which means their processing can be emotionally overwhelming. The processing can be draining or they can have physical detoxing symptoms.

If healing one aspect of an issue can have such an impact, imagine what healing the whole matter in one go would have on a person. The processing would be extreme and too overwhelming for a person to move through. Resulting in the healing having an opposing effect.

Thus it is highly unlikely the person’s physical; mental; emotional systems could cope with such an overload of healing. Resulting in likely burn out and them simply giving up or retreating from the world. This being a main reason we don’t heal major issues in one session.

The process of how stress winds into our body and with healing how it is unwound out is very similar to the Fibonacci sequence / Golden Ratio / Sacred Geometry. All of which are principles that describe the inner workings of nature and the Universe.

These principles provide order to that which seems chaotic. Indicating there is an intelligent design and blueprint in all that exists. That there is no random way to which we grow.

In nature we easily find these unfolding patterns and spirals; as in plants, shells, flowers and weather patterns. The same natural patterns are found in the human body, such as our brainwaves, DNA and structures. When you look at the cross cut of DNA it looks like a flower and the golden ratio pattern is easily seen.

When we apply this principle to healing we understand there is a natural pattern and progression which needs to unfold in order for us to have growth and evolution. As with the Fibonacci sequence (Golden Ratio, Sacred Geometry) each session of healing combines with the previous one to provide the structure and foundation for the next stage.

Meaning that the healing occurs in alignment with the universal order of nature, so too we follow the pattern for natural evolution to achieve universal and natural order within ourselves.

By accepting there is a natural order to healing, a process of healing, we more easily allow for the uncovering and alignment of the code. Such code which as with the combination lock analogy when in the right place and order gives us the key for healing to be activated. We calibrate and align with the higher aspect of who we are to live with bliss, empowerment and ease!

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with your healing process then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

How all your choices are supporting you

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Are you aware that ALL your choices, whether they are empowering or disempowering choices are actually supporting you?

To make a choice is the act of choosing between two (or more) alternatives. Choice then gives you possibilities of an outcome.

So when you make a choice you are simply deciding what is best for yourself in that given moment. However it could be in that given moment, you are inadvertently supporting an aspect of yourself which isn’t in aligned with your long term goals / outcome you desire or what is really important to you.

For example lately I’ve been choosing to watch Orange is the New Black (a TV show on Netflix). This choice isn’t a “bad” choice as it has supported me by having balance by giving me some down time.

However by making this choice I’ve also been able to avoid writing and thus “supporting” myself by not having to address a fear I have around writing. At the time I didn’t realise that the less than great choice (to watch TV) was actually supporting my fear.

This is true for many people, they are often making choices not have awareness of their known or unknown motivation behind the choices they are making.

Ideally you want to become aware of the unconscious (or conscious) patterns that are impeding or sabotaging you from what you want, kinesiology is one effective way to do this. As kinesiology bypasses the conscious mind using your innate wisdom to increase your awareness and thus expands the choices available to you to make.

It is also important to know that at times your choices will be made from habitual actions due to the neural pathways which have been reinforced and thus ingrained to become an automatic choice. Which means you will usually have limited awareness until after the fact.

When we have greater awareness around our choices, we also have a great capacity to take responsibility and accountability for them. Thus enabling us to create new and empowering neural pathways that lead us to make more suitable choices which long term become the new norm.

Increasing awareness of your choices

Goals: Are a key tool which enable your inner navigation system. They give you direction as to what you it is you want to achieve. Your goals can also be a benchmark by which you can gauge your choices, determining they are (or aren’t) in alignment with what you really want. Read more on goals: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/2016/11/06/goals-ignite-your-inner-navigation/

Self Awareness: The key to making empowering choices is awareness. When you are aware of what is driving your choice, whether it be an emotion, mood or re-action, then you have choice as to how you want to act and be. Without awareness you are operating from a habitual nature.
At the end of the day reflect the choices that you have made. What was each choice supporting specifically? Were they empowering or disempowering? How did you feel at the time you made that choice? What were you thinking about? What would help you to make different choices?

Journalling: Writing is a great way to get out of our heads as such and step out from the problem / situation and to see it from another perspective. Also journalling allows you to get raw and honest with yourself, which means you can acknowledge how the current choices are impeding you. Understand more about journalling with our article: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/2016/04/20/journalling-a-tool-to-aid-healing/

Often people beat themselves up for making “wrong” choices, however ultimately a choice is just that, a choice. There is no right or wrong choice, as every choice is supporting you.

However if you feel you’ve made a less than great choice, one which doesn’t support you, then just make another choice that does.

Riding the Self-Esteem Wave

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Self-esteem is how you overall feel about your self. It does encompass your the value you have for yourself as well as your self-worth. Contradictory to what we have been led to believe, our self-esteem is not a stagnant way of being. In fact most people, especially women, experience fluctuations with their self-esteem.

Consider it to fluctuate like the ocean wave. When you are on the upside of the fluctuation, you feel confident, ready to take on the world; loving who you are, easily seeing your own worth and value. However when on the downside of the wave you will second guess yourself, having doubt and being overly critical of your self.

Such ups and downs are normal, in fact they are considered as essential as long as you manage them effectively. Dualities are every where around you; life in itself is with the duality of death. In fact dualities are everywhere, cannot exist without the other. The Yin/Yang symbol is one reminder of this. That dualities which are seemingly opposite or contrary are actually complementary and interconnected. Thus dualities ~ such as the ups and downs ~ are required to be whole.

The more acceptance you have that your self-esteem will fluctuate, as well as understanding it is normal, the more likely you are to minimise the depth and frequency of such “waves”. When you can “ride the wave” you are able to allow flow and surrender. It is in such surrender that flow naturally occurs as does synchronicity.

It is important to know and accept that when you are on the downside of the fluctuation (wave) this is when your negative emotions, baggage, “stuff”, things you’ve not dealt with are more likely to present.

What exactly are your emotions? “An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioural or expressive response.” (Hockenbury & Hockenbury, 2007).

The word emotion originates from the French word “emouvoir” which means to excite. As well as the Latin word “emovere” which means to move. Your emotions serve to motivate you to take action (move) towards things that excite you. Emotions also serve for you to take action in order to survive and thus keep yourself safe from danger.

Running from, not dealing with, or pushing your emotions away only makes them stronger and persistent in trying to get your attention. It’s the adage, whatever you resist, persists. Your emotions then control you, rather than you be in control of them.

Whilst it is important to take actions that build your self-esteem, it is also important to understand that the downside of the wave is an important time for you to undertake emotional spring cleaning.

When you seek to understand the reasons as to why the emotions are presenting themselves; by being compassionate and nurturing yourself you loosen their grip in order to achieve release and healing.

Ways to undertake emotional spring cleaning

Acknowledge how you are feeling and what it is you are thinking or focusing on to make you feel that way. Consider is this just a “story” you are telling yourself and what evidence do you have that it is a truth? and/or what could be equally if not more so true
Recognise what it is that you need right now and give that to yourself. Is it loving words of support from yourself? Is it time in nature? To go shopping and treat yourself? To take time out and go to the beach or to read a good book?
Grab a pen and paper and write. Consider what event, situation, place or person the emotions relate to and allow the words to flow onto the page, getting raw and honest with yourself. How do you feel about what happened? What has been left unresolved? What was the impact? What were the negatives? and what were the positives (yes there will be some)? and what are the insights you need to release and let it go?
Find a nice patch of grass or sand and stand on it barefoot. Connect in with the earth energy and imagine the negative emotions as well as anything that relate to them releasing from your body down through the soles of you feet into the core of the earth where this negativity will be transformed and transmuted.

When you can accept that your self-esteem will fluctuate and that this is normal, as well as be vulnerably brave to address and heal what you need to, you will find that you have greater distance in between the fluctuations.

Reasons people hinder or sabotage their healing

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It had made me wonder what is the reasons people would hinder or sabotage their healing, especially when they invest time and money to do so. It just didn’t make sense when I had clients who despite their strong desire for change, remained in their “wounds”.

The reason people will hinder their healing is due to a few factors, however the main reason is the most potent. Which is when a person is overly associated with their wound, or idea of them self with that pattern of behaviour, that they don’t know who they are without it. Which means they don’t know what life would be like without it. This in itself creates fear.

At a deeper unconscious level to be in that pattern or wound provides them with a sense of safety, because they know how to do life with it. They have a clear idea of who they are with it.

To not do so, have a sense of uncertainty which can at times be destabilising One of my driving forces is to get results for my clients. It feeds my soul to know that, together, we are achieving the change they desire (plus more!).

I pleased to say that most of my clients get results, so when I have a client who is hindering or sabotaging their results it leads me to question the reason for this…as well as the solution. Of which upper levelling is the key.

To understand upper levelling first lets consider the common denominators as to the reason people don’t heal are because they:

1. due to the association with their wounds the change they desire is too fearful and they have no vision as to who they are or what life is without them;
2. sabotage their change and find reasons which keep them limited and within their comfort zone;
3. aren’t releasing “stuff” on all three dimensions;
4. have beliefs and expectations regarding healing that sabotages their progress; and
5. are stuck in the “why” either trying to understand the reason <x> has happened or the reason why they are where they are at.

Woundology

The term “woundology” was coined by Caroline Myss to describe how people define and created an identity via their wounds, whether those wounds be physical, emotional, or social.

In her book, “Why people don’t heal and how they can” Caroline Myss writes that some people who want to heal “are striving to confront their wounds, valiantly working to bring meaning to terrible past experiences and traumas, and exercising compassionate understanding of others who share their wounds. But they are not healing. They have redefined their lives around their wounds and the process of accepting them. They are not working to get beyond their wounds. In fact, they are stuck in their wounds.”

The first and most important step for change is to get a clear image of who you are without the pattern of behaviour / wound. Consider how you would look with that new aspect of you. How would you act or respond to people, life, situations? what would speak about and focus on? How do you sound? How would you feel within yourself?

Change Barrier

For many people whether they are trying to loose weight, manifest something or heal when making any form of change they reach a limit where they are faced with a block to their change. Often this will show up as a plateau of some kind.

This limit is the outer barrier of where your current comfort zone lies. Whilst many desire to heal and make change they don’t have the tenacity and willpower to push through their limit and barriers. Thus they will find ways to justify not continuing with the change work.

It is at this point where you are faced with a choice to either sabotage your change so you fall back into our comfort zone OR to expand your comfort zone that makes change safe.

Three Dimensions of healing

To have lasting change we must work on all three aspects of our being. Humans are three dimensional beings, so it makes sense to use a modality which works on all three aspects, which is what Kinesiology does. Most modalities are usually only one dimension and in some cases two. This makes Kinesiology regarded as one of the truly holistic modalities.

A Kinesiologist believes in a methodology called the “triad of health”. Which means that well being and health is dependent on the harmonious congruency and balance between a client’s Physical / Structural, Emotional / Mental and Nutritional / Chemical aspects.

When one aspect of the triad of health is imbalanced, then it affects the other sides and therefore areas in our life. For example a person who chronically worries (mental) may lose their appetite (nutrition is affected) or experience irregularities in their body (physical).

Beliefs

In many of my articles I refer to beliefs. This is because they are such a driving force of our emotions and behaviours. Simply put Beliefs are a self fulfilling prophecy.

What we believe creates an expectation of what is likely to happen, this influences our behaviours (as well as how we feel) and then creates the basis of what actions we do or don’t take. In turn the actions or activities that we are doing or not doing will be the result or outcome we achieve.

This means that if you want to change your results or your behaviours, you need be aware of your beliefs to ensure they support what you want to achieve and who you want to be.

Positive / empowering beliefs are permission slips for getting the outcomes you want.

Learn how to change you beliefs with our online course: https://innersagisms.thinkific.com/courses/create-supportive-beliefs

The Why

Some get stuck in needing the know the why….the why they are the way they are; the why something happened to them. Yet any sentence that begins with “why” is seeking justification not healing.

If an unconscious person with a burst artery goes into emergency the doctors don’t stop to ask why did this happen, they simply move to apply the solution. They don’t need to know the “why” to apply the healing.

Thus too, we can use the philosophy. The why isn’t as important as the how.

Upper Levelling to change and heal

Upper levelling is when we push through our limits which is done using techniques that work on mind, body and spirit. Yet as per Lao Tzu’s quote “A thousand mile journey begins with one step”.

Be mindful that you might not achieve your desired change “overnight”, it also takes discipline and committed practice to achieve your healing goal. Which is the first step, defining what it is you want to achieve.

Once you know what you want to achieve and have a defined goal. You then need to trust you can achieve this goal and take actions that align you to it. Ensuring the actions you take are from a mental, physical and spiritual aspect.

Know that it is normal to feel vulnerable with any change. When you are upper levelling be mindful that the closer you reach the barrier of your comfort zone, the likelihood you’ll feel this. It is also important that when you reach here you keep moving forward, even if at a gentler pace.

To move forward means you are taking consistent and authentic actions. Such actions that extend your limits to elevate your self to a new level – a new way of being and thus making change.

One last thing….remember that any change, even if modest, is a move forward.

Keeping these in mind, a kinesiology balance can assist you. If you want to book an appointment you can do so via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Loneliness; a feeling not a fact

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In reviewing various reference books and other sources there wasn’t a great deal written about loneliness. Perhaps it is because it is a topic not often spoken about and perhaps a topic that can be less than easy to address.

Two substantial ideas that in relation to loneliness is one, there are different aspects of loneliness. Such as being in a new situation type of loneliness or lack of close friends loneliness or having no time for oneself or too much time to oneself. Or the one I often come across in clinci is that type of loneliness when a person isn’t in a relationship.

The second substantial idea is that loneliness is a feeling not a fact. Considering that feelings are the reaction to an emotion, in the instance of loneliness sadness that is typically the trigger.

Consider what exactly are our emotions? “An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioural or expressive response.” (Hockenbury & Hockenbury, 2007)

It is interesting that emotions are a “subjective experience”. Which means that despite (at times) people experiencing the same situations, events, relationships, places, etc the interpretation of such WILL differ.

The reason people interpret information differently, and thus experience differing emotions, is due to the trigger of a conscious or unconscious thought / belief. So what is loneliness for one person is bliss for another.

Being a kinesiologist, I love the concepts we use from Chinese medicine. Thus it is interesting to draw information from this perspective. In Chinese medicine loneliness relates to the Metal element, more specifically the Large Intestine meridian. Meridians are channels through which energy flows in the body. They relate to certain organs, muscles, emotions and life lessons.

The large intestine also relates to other attributes as self worth, feeling worthy of love, fear of rejection, letting go of guilt and grief as well as self imposed isolation.

Delving deeper into the 5 Element concept of Chinese medicine the Metal element is controlled by the Fire element, of which the Heart meridian belongs to. Lessons of the heart meridian are self love, peace, richness, to radiate and acceptance to allow free flowing of energy.

What we can draw from this relationship is that when our heart meridian, or heart centre, is out of balance it will seek to dominate and draw energy from the large intestine meridian. Whilst there are various things that can put a meridian or centre out of balance typically with the heart meridian it is a lack of self love, forgiveness or acceptance of a situation.

The flow on result of the heart meridian imbalance is that it starts controlling the large intestine meridian. Such control causes the large intestine meridian to become deficient and thus doesn’t have the energy to flow appropriately. Thereby resulting in a lack of self worth, heightened fear of rejection and/or heightened sense of loneliness.

So what’s the solution?

As with many things there can be more than one solution and you’ve got to find what is right for you. Here are some suggestions which could work for you.

Exam your beliefs

Our emotions derive from what we are thinking and/or what we believe. We know that loneliness derives from sadness. So what are you thinking, or what do you believe that makes you feel sad.

Beliefs are a self fulfilling prophecy.

This means that if you want to change your results or your behaviours, you need be aware of your beliefs to ensure they support what you want to achieve and who you want to be.

Positive / empowering beliefs are permission slips for getting the outcomes you want.

Learn how to change beliefs with our online course: https://innersagisms.thinkific.com/courses/create-supportive-beliefs

Self love

As we have just learnt from a Chinese Medicine perspective it is important to ensure that the heart chakra is balanced. A key way to do this is to love and nourish yourself.

The best way to cultivate self love is to know who you are. So list your positive traits, what is it that you love about yourself and what others love about you.

Now list your not so great traits, all those negative ones which you don’t really want to own up to. Once you’ve got your list now find the benefit to those negatives. What is great about those negative traits? How do they benefit you and how are they a benefit to others!

As to nourishing yourself, these are things or place which make you feel good. Maybe it is doing your nails, or going to the beach or for a walk, perhaps it is having a bath or just lighting candles. Whatever it is for you, start loving yourself enough to do it!

Another way to strengthen your heart space is to start each day with being heart unified. Place your hands in your heart area. This helps to bring your consciousness from your head into your heart. Now consider what are you (or could you be) grateful for? Who are you grateful for? What happened today or yesterday that you are thankful for? What makes you happy? or makes you smile?

Speak up

Many people who experience loneliness complain that they are always there for others, however feel that others aren’t there for them. In my experience this is often because others consider them to be strong and self reliant person, thus not realising that they too need support.

Therefore sometimes you need to speak up with your friends and let them know how you feel. Explain to them your needs and what you require from them. When clients have done this they have been surprised how much their friends didn’t realise they were needed and how much they were loved.

Acceptance

Consider the Yin / Yang of your situation. The familiar Taoist yin/yang symbol is a symbol which reminds us of the dualities in life, and that such dualities create the whole.

It reminds us that every aspect of life has an equal opposite. Such as male, female; sun, moon; earth, water; good, bad and positive, negative. One aspect cannot exist without it’s reverse.

When we see the polarities of a situation in equal amounts we become balanced about the situation, person, place or thing. It is when we are in such balance that we also are at peace about that and thus have acceptance.

So see the benefits / drawbacks of what you are feeling lonely about. Make sure you have more than 15 benefits and ideally 50. Also ensure that you have equal (if not more) benefits to help you shift into acceptance.

Have a goal or purpose

Rather than wait until <x> happens, start right now to live your life to it’s fullest. What have you been putting off? or what haven’t you had time for? Rather than be immersed in your loneliness use this time to achieve things for yourself.

When you have a goal it gives you something positive to focus on and whatever you focus on you will attract more of. It also gives you a something to spend your time on as well as give you a sense of fulfilment

Live with sound

If / when you are home alone, turn on the radio or play your favourite CD. Fill the void with positive sounds and vibrations.

One of the core concepts of sound healing is that a strong vibration will cause a weaker vibration to vibrate at the stronger frequency. Therefore the right vibrations and sounds can help to help restore your natural equilibrium.

Other ideas are:

Connect with others – Contact friends, family or associates whom you haven’t spoken to for a while.
Get out and about – This might include visiting people, going for a walk, sitting at your local cafe or library or even going out to social functions.
Be a part of the community – Consider a new hobby and/or learning something that interests you. You might join a local club or association.
Volunteering – Get the focus off you and onto others by volunteering. Its also a great way to connect with like minded people.
Consider getting or caring for a pet –pets are wonderful companions and can provide comfort and support during times of stress, ill-health or isolation. If you can’t have your own there are plenty of options where you can take someone else’s pet for a walk.

The key to combating loneliness is taking action. However if after trying these techniques you are still struggling with building loneliness then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Creating and Living with Resilience

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No matter how much personal development or “work” we do on ourselves there will always be people, situations or things that happen which will stress, challenge and most likely upset us. Resilience is the one thing that makes a major difference to how well we “bounce back” from such times.

Resilience is the ability to adapt, overcome and rebound from less than easy life events and experiences. To be able to change and approach how we view and address such situations as effectively and beneficially as possible.

It has often been described as an art and perhaps it is, however I more so consider it to be a quality that anyone can create. Resilience can be described as a choice; a choice to rise beyond adversity.

To transcend the pain, stress and unhappiness to develop mastery over how something affects you. To develop a strong self worth and belief within yourself and your capabilities. Thus to know that you can handle anything that comes your way.

Benefits of resilience

Due to our personal history, influential people in our life and the environment we have been brought up in, resilience will vary from person to person. Also during our lifetime our resilience can fluctuate.

So whilst some people will be more resilient than others, most people will need to develop this trait. The most common way to do this is to experience challenging situations however there are methods we can consciously engage to help build resilience.

Individuals who have resilience tend to:

have a positive “self” relationship (self confidence, self worth, self belief, self respect and self love)
be in control of and manage their emotions effectively
accept that life is a balance of “Yin / Yang” (good and not so good AND there is good in the not so good)
have self awareness of their reactions in order to change them
understand the motivation behind others reactions and behaviours
believe they can influence situations
live in an empowered mindset rather than a victim mentality
seek solutions rather than problems
are effective listeners and communicators
develop networks and ask for help when needed

Building Resilience

As previously mentioned anyone can build resilience if they choose to. For some, due to their circumstances and adversities, they may already have resilience however they may not have acknowledged it.

So perhaps the first step is to consider and acknowledge where you actually do have resilience. What are those situations where you’ve been able to demonstrate the above traits?

Other ways to build resilience are:

Start each day with being heart unified. Place your hands in your heart area. This helps to bring your consciousness from your head into your heart. Now consider what are you (or could you be) grateful for? Who are you grateful for? What happened today or yesterday that you are thankful for? What makes you happy? or makes you smile?
Keep a success journal. For how we suggest to do this, read our article: Inner Sage Article – Journalling
Know yourself to Love yourself. List your positive traits and strengths. Now list your negative traits. Now what are the positives / benefits of those negative traits.
Redefine what perfection is. Know there is perfection in imperfection and consider this: how do you know that what you consider as “imperfection” is not actually perfect?!!
Nurture yourself, do something that is just for you
Connect with like minded people and/or spend time with people who make you laugh and feel good
Consider what is in your sphere of influence and what is not. Give energy only to those things that you can influence and/or change. Let go of what you can’t.
Learn something new. Not only does it help make new neurological pathways it also shows you that you ARE capable
Do something “fearful” each day. By doing so we are teaching ourselves to “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Each time building your confidence muscle that you CAN achieve things
Make a list of what you’ve been putting aside and do one thing each day
Consider the benefits or upside of a stressful / challenging situation, person, etc. What is the lesson or insight that it provides for you

Resilience is similar to Rome, it wasn’t built in one day. If you are serious to building it then you will need to commit to taking actions on a regular basis. When you do this you will find the easier it does become to bounce back from those challenging and stressful situations.

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with building resilience then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Releasing the funk that impedes action

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Funk is a word which has many meanings, in fact did you know it derives from a Latin word “fumigare” meaning “to smoke”. For the purpose of this article it refers to that state of being where a person is feeling flat and demotivated, thus leading them to evade or avoid certain tasks.

Its important to understand that funks are a perfectly normal part of life. It is the Yin/Yang ; the balance of life. Which means if / when you find yourself in a funk there will be a reason for it. Often when I find myself in a funk it is usually because I’ve been working too much and my funk reminds me I need to take time out.

Many years ago when I’d find myself in a funk, I would fight it. I’d do everything I could to avoid and evade the feelings until one day I decided to stop fighting it. I started to be aware that my funk had many benefits to it.

I noticed that when I was “funking” it was the only time I would ask for help and reach out to my friends. My funk also helped me to come up with brilliant ideas, strategies and insights. Also it was my catalyst to nurture and take care of myself.

In that moment, where I stopped fighting my funk and allowed it just to be, it vanished. There is a wonderful saying “what you resist; persists”. So I noticed that as I embraced the lesson my funk was trying to teach me, it was no longer needed.

Now when it comes to life lessons, I can be a slow learner, thus yes the lesson (and funk) has occasionally reappeared. However never to the depths that it had previously. This is because when my funk appears I now know the funk has a purpose and usually its to remind me that there is something I need to be doing which I haven’t been.

So your funk has a reason too, it’s trying to get your attention so you can learn a lesson and/or gain insights. Maybe its to take time out or perhaps you taken enough time out. That it’s time to set goals and take action. It could be that your funk is reminding you to be grateful for what you have.

Another possibility is that your funk is reminding you that you need to connect with the earth and ground yourself? or to be aware of what you are thinking, believing and focusing on. Just know that whatever the message is for you, will be right for you.

The way to find purpose in your funk is to simply ask: What is the purpose of me feeling this way today? or What is it I most need today? or What is the lesson or information I need to move forward?

Our divine self speaks to us directly and indirectly. So be aware that the answers may not come to you straight away. To trust that the information you need will be revealed, at the right time.

Also indirect guidance and answers might come via words / insights of someone else. It could be words written in a book, or via a song. Your job is to ask the question, be open to the response and allow for it to be revealed. The more relaxed your are the easier it will come.

Whilst you wait for your specific guidance regarding your funk, there are still things you can do to support yourself in shifting and moving forward.

Gratitude

In her book Thrive, Arianna Huffington writes how gratitude exercises can have tangible benefits. She notes that, “According to a study by researchers from the University of Minnesota and the University of Florida, having participants write down a list of positive events at the close of a day — and why the events made them happy — lowered their self-reported stress levels and gave them a greater sense of calm at night.”

I believe the reason for this is because it gets you to change your focus. there are three elements, one of which focus is, that you can change in order to change how you are feeling.

So make a list; what is good in your life right now? What is it that you are or can be grateful for? Who are you grateful for? What is it that you love doing that makes you happy? What made you smile today?

Get into nature

Being outside has many different being. Most of it which it enables you to ground yourself. Grounding has both spiritual and physical benefits. Grounding is the process of connecting yourself to the earthly plane and bonding with mother earth. Native American’s believe that mother earth is the source of all life and is a great teacher to be observed, listened to and respected. Her energy is nurturing and restoring, assisting us to bring and give life to our hopes, dreams and ideas.

Science tells us that the Earth is abundant with energy, particularly electrons, which have powerful supply of antioxidant effects. When you connect with the ground, preferably via bare feet, you are able to absorb large amounts of these electrons. Effectively you resonate at the same vibration as the Earth.

So go to the beach, park or simply go stand outside on the grass with no shoes on. If you can’t do any of those may be go for a walk and soak in the elements, whether that be the wind, sun or rain. (If the latter just make sure you have a warm shower afterwards).

Set Goals

The origin of the word, goal, has been thought to derive either from the Middle English “gale” meaning “a way or course” or the Old Norse word of “geil” meaning “passage”. Goals thus can be considered as a guiding tool which guide and keep us on course or provide the passage to where we want to be or what we want to have. As well as a way to measure and track how we are progressing.

Imagine setting sail to sea without any co-ordinates as to where your destination will be. Whilst you will find a destination it may not be the destination you were after and you may waste a lot of time and energy in getting there.

This is a great analogy of what life is like without goals. Whilst we are sailing through life and finding ourselves at certain “destinations” they aren’t always the ones we really want to be at or desire. In addition to this we’ve often wasted a lot of energy in the journey of getting to such destination, as the course taken may not have been as direct as it could have been. Energy which could have easily been used more effectively.

Goals have an explainable magnetic quality that can attract situations, people and opportunities in order to support you achieving them. I personally believe that goals are a way to tell the Universe / God / Angels (whomever or whatever you believe in) what it is you want.

If you are unsure of how to set goals perhaps our simple course on goal setting could help: https://innersagisms.thinkific.com/courses/goal-setting-made-simple/preview

Read an inspirational book or watch a movie

Sometimes we need to simply stop and take time out. So why not sit in your favourite place and utilise that time in a productive way. Stories about others can help us get re-inspired.

Most movies and books based on true stories have a message of “against all odds” achievement. That have insights of vulnerability, courage and motivation. That no matter what life has or is throwing you that things CAN change and that you can too.

Some of our favourites are: In the pursuit of Happyness, The Blind Side, Moneyball, Loosing my Virginity, Daring Greatly and Big Magic.

Exercise

Whether it is going to the gym or getting out for a walk it doesn’t the matter. Exercise is about getting your body moving in a way that suits you.

When you exercise it helps pump blood to the brain and it also releases the “feel good” endorphins and serotonin. It also helps to increase the size of the hippocampus, the functions of which are to regulate emotions and to access long term memories.

In addition, exercise also helps create / increase the connections of the brain’s neurons which also helps with focus, ideas and solutions.

Success journal

Scientific evidence indicates that when a person writes they access both aspects of their brain. The physical act of writing accesses our analytical and rational left brain as well as engages our creative, intuitive, feeling right brain.

By engaging both hemispheres we increase our innovation, which means we are able to transform and morph from situations yet too we are able to apply different methodology and solutions.

Spend 5-10 minutes listing all the achievements you have had during your day.

Remembering that many things constitute as successes and it is idea for you to record all of them, no matter how big or small.

What constitutes as an action worthy of recording are those actions you don’t usually take for example if you only drink three glasses of water and drink four that constitutes as a success. If you manage to start writing a report that you have been putting off, that constitutes as a success.

I’ve used this tool personally and with many clients. It works brilliantly as a re-focusing and motivational tool.

Self Care

Many people find nurturing themselves quite difficult, with a lot of people not even sure how to nurture themselves. Self care can come in many forms and it is doing in in a way that is best for you.

It might be going and getting your hairs or nails done, it might be simply doing that yourself. It could be taking your make up off at night, eating the right foods, or drinking water. It could be having a massage or seeing your kinesiologist. It could be going for a walk or sitting at the beach and having an ice cream.

Self care doesn’t necessarily mean spending lots of money yet it could. It is whatever is going to help you feel loved, supported and cared for. My favourite is buying myself flowers.

Change your environment

A definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. For something to change; something needs to change. Changing your environment relates to many aspects of yourself and life.

It could be changing:

the environment of your mind, what you focus on and what you talk about.
what you put into your body as in the food you eat, what you drink (or what you don’t eat and drink)
your location (inside v’s outside, change of scenery, going to a different cafe or the library)
the people in your life or the place in which you work.

Remember that funks are a normal part of life, everyone experiences them to some level. The key is to making sure your funk doesn’t go too low and doesn’t last too long. Sometimes one of the suggestions may work and at other times you might need to use a combination. Just know that when you are doing something you are taking action and that action will help support you in taking the action you want to be taking.

Building self confidence; A process not destination

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Self confidence isn’t something you can buy off a self. Building self confidence is a process. It is a way of being which you create, or perhaps access, internally.

To possess self confidence is to have belief, trust, faith and an assurance in who you are and/or your abilities. It is an internal state about what you think, and feel, about yourself. Your confidence is fluid, which means it is a changeable state that can be dependent on: what is happening around you; how you process and respond to situations, people, etc and your experiences.

Building your confidence in your self gives you a tool you can draw upon to stop second-guessing yourself, to release doubts, manage your fears and to take action. Self confidence can be likened to a muscle; in that the more you use it the more you strengthen it!

When you think about things you do daily such as making a cup of tea, logging into your computer, making a phone call, driving a vehicle, or getting the bus, you most likely have confidence to do these things.

Remember that confidence is having trust, belief, faith and assurance in your self and your abilities. It could be suggested that it is not that you lack confidence however you are lacking acknowledgement of your abilities and that you can transfer this to other tasks or areas.

In my experience, confidence is similar to the four stages of learning. Which fundamentally teaches us that to be competence or perhaps confident there is a process we go through via learning and repetition.

Commonly I have found when asked what a person needs to do to build their self confidence, their response to be “I don’t know”. For some it is such a foreign concept and thus they don’t know where to start.

Here are some tried and proven ways to build your self confidence:

Focus. At the end of the day review what you achieved and/or what you did well. Place your focus on what you are doing, rather than what you aren’t doing.
Regularly recognise and celebrate your achievements – it’s healthy to do so!
Self Talk. Become aware of how you speak and what you say to yourself. If it isn’t positive “cancel / delete” it and say something nice to yourself.
Exercise. Go for a walk, run or to the gym. Yoga, swimming, whatever exercise that makes you feel good.
Posture. Stand tall, shoulders back and head high. Scientific studies show that posture impacts the brain!
Learn something new. Not only does it help make new neurological pathways it also helps show you that you can grasp new information.
Do something “fearful” each day. By doing so we are teaching ourselves to “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Each time building your confidence muscle that you CAN achieve things.
Smile. According to science smiling increases endorphin’s which in turn create positive emotions; including confidence!
Know yourself. Understand all aspects of who you are; what your strengths are as well as what you consider your less than great traits are. The next step is to find the benefits to these “weaknesses”. When you know who you are and love all aspects of who you are then no one else can affect you.
Trust your instincts. We all have an innate knowing within, learn to listen to it and have faith in what you feel is right / wrong.
Emanate someone who is confident. Consider someone you respect and whom you feel is confident. Identify what it is they do differently that conveys confidence and how you can embrace that.
Stop comparing yourself. When your compare yourself, you automatically put your self down and discount your own positive aspects.
Get clear on the things and people that truly matter to you. Create a list of the things or people you have been tolerating and then consider what action you need to take to either remove or minimise the impact.
Manual control. Disengage your auto pilot and be mindful about your decisions so they reflect what really matters to you.
Create an action plan. Be deliberate about action you will take and commit to following through. Ensure you acknowledge the actions and benefits so you can see your progress. It helps grow confidence and give self reinforcement.

Being confident isn’t a goal or an end-point that you reach and then stop. It is an ongoing and continuous process. Confidence can be likened to a flowering plant. It doesn’t flower on command, instead after being nourished via various ways it flourishes; over and over again.

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with your self confidence then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Practices to nourish your vibration

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As was “goals” in the 1980’s, vibration, manifestation, abundance have all become buzz concepts right now. As with many concepts that become the “buzz” they tend to become so overused that people soon grow tired of hearing about it.

So why is it important not to get tired about information relating to your vibration? Science is proving what Eastern philosophies have know for thousands of years; that your body is constructed from energy. This refers not only to the interactions that occur at a cellular level, yet also to the energy lines that run through your body, called Meridians, which Science can now detect.

What has also been detected is that you are much more than your physical body. Surrounding you are interconnected fields of energy known as subtle bodies or auric fields. These fields interact with your physical body via energy connection points called chakras which then feed into the meridians.

Just as you would practice for anything you want to master or become adept at, you also need to follow certain practices to ensure your energy vibration is at it’s best. Your external world is also a reflection of your internal world so the more you invest in being your best; the more the best of the world will invest in you.

Meditation

Common reasons most people don’t meditate are “I don’t know how to” or “I can’t sit for that long” or “I can’t switch off my mind”. Meditation is like running a marathon, as in it isn’t something most people can do straight away. As with training for a marathon you build up your stamina and endurance, so too meditation. You need to develop your ability to let go of your thoughts and to sit for periods of time.

The benefits of meditation are well documented and from this perspective it is extremely important to recharge all aspects of yourself (physically, mentally and spiritually). Meditation allows us to be relieved of the density our energy has on Earth. We are light beings and thus meditation enables us to lighten our energy, thereby lightening our load and connect to the light source that is internal and external to us.

Acknowledge Universal Forces

Whilst I have no concrete evidence that can support for a fact that there are unseen Universal forces that exist, I have experienced many different situations that gives me evidence to believe that they do.

These Universal forces help support us to bring into reality our ecological desires. When we recognise that these Universal forces exist we are able to connect to them to enable manifestation.

Get moving outside

The Latin word “emovere” which means to move is also the basis of the word emotion. Interestingly it also originates from the French word “emouvoir” which means to excite. When we move, we are exciting our energy and vibration. Yet to movement also means we tap into emotions and feelings which support us.

When we move outside we are also able to access and absorb the negative ions which exist organically in nature. These negative ions enable us to be balanced, grounded, energised and to have focus and clarity.

Yin / Yang

The Yin and Yang refer to the negative and positive aspects which exist in everything. Without both we become imbalanced and/or polarised about a person or situation. So when you can practice the Yin / Yang, which is seeing both the positives and negatives in equal amounts, then you are able to let go of the attachment and be empowered and at peace.

Be Heart Centred

Studies are showing that the heart emits more frequencies than our brain. Also that the heart sends more instructions to the brain, than the brain does to the heart. So when we are heart centred we are able to elevate our communication, thinking, decisions and choices to a higher level of consciousness.

Commonly, in various modalities, the heart relates to: self love, love for others, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, acceptance, gratitude, beauty, peace and transformation. When you focus on doing this for yourself or another you are being heart centred.

Practice Gratefulness

Gratefulness is an important attribute of being heart centred however it is also important from a focus aspect. To be grateful is to acknowledge all that you are (or can be) thankful and appreciative for.

What ever we focus on, we will get more of. Also when we are grateful we let the light in, which in-powers us. It heightens and improves our vibration so we can receive more and in this case more “light”.

We know that everything is interconnected so when you invest in your vibration you are fundamentally investing in all aspects of your well being. You are being active in creating the way in which you exist in the world.