Category Archives: Kinesiology

Self Confidence

Ideas for building self confidence

To possess self-confidence is to have belief, trust, faith and an assurity in who you are and/or your abilities.  It is an internal state about what  you think and feel about  yourself.  Also depending on what is happening around you, and how you process / respond to those situations, people, etc means that your self confidence is a changeable state.

Building self confidence gives you a tool you can draw upon to stop second-guessing yourself,  to release doubts, manage your fears and to take action.  Self confidence can be likened to a muscle; in that the more you use it the more you strengthen it!

Commonly I have found with clients, when asked what do you need to do to build their self confidence, their response to be “I don’t know”.  For some it is such a foreign concept and thus they don’t know where to start.

Here are some tried and proven ways to build your self confidence:

  • Focus.  At the end of the day review what you achieved and/or what you did well.  Place your focus on what you are doing, rather than what you aren’t doing.
  • Recognise and celebrate your achievements – it’s healthy to do so!
  • Self Talk.  Become aware of how you speak and what you say to yourself.  If it isn’t positive “cancel / delete” it and say something nice to yourself.
  • Exercise.  Go for a walk, run or to the gym.  Yoga, swimming, whatever exercise that makes you feel good.
  • Posture.  Stand tall, shoulders back and head high.  Scientific studies show that posture impacts the brain!
  • Learn something new.  Not only does it help make new neurological pathways it also
  • Do something “fearful” each day.  By doing so we are teaching ourselves to “feel the fear and do it anyway”.  Each time building your confidence muscle that you CAN achieve things.
  • Smile.  According to science smiling increases endorphin’s which in turn create positive emotions; including confidence!
  • Know yourself.  Understand all aspects of who you are; what your strengths are as well as what you consider your less than great traits are.  The next step is to find the benefits to these “weaknesses”.  When you know who you are and love all aspects of who you are then no one else can affect you.
  • Trust your instincts.  We all have an innate knowing within, learn to listen to it and have faith in what you feel is right / wrong.
  • Emanate someone who is confident.  Consider someone you respect and whom you feel is confident.  Identify what it is they do differently that conveys confidence and how you can embrace that.
  • Stop comparing yourself.  When your compare yourself, you automatically put your self down and discount your own positive aspects.
  • Get clear on the things and people that truly matter to you.  Create a list of the things  or people you have been tolerating and then consider what action you need to take to either remove or minimise the impact.
  • Manual control.  Disengage your auto pilot and be mindful about your decisions so they reflect what really matters to you.
  • Create an action plan.  Be deliberate about action you will take and commit to following through.  Ensure you acknowledge the actions and benefits so you can see your progress.  It helps grow confidence and give self reinforcement.

Being confident isn’t a goal or an end-point that you reach and then stop.  It is an ongoing and continuous process.   Confidence can be likened to a flowering plant.  It doesn’t flower on command, instead after being nourished via various ways it flourishes; over and over again.

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with your self confidence then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology.  You can book an appointment with us via:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

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Kinesiology

Signs it’s time to see a kinesiologist

A Kinesiologist is an energy medicine specialist. Who places emphasis is on health maintenance, client education and responsibility by identifying the causative influences triggering health imbalances.  Anything a Kinesiologist does (or suggests the client does) is to restore health, wellness and vitality, therefore enhancing the clients innate healing energies.

Whilst kinesiology is based on ancient techniques, which have been practised for thousands of years, it is a relatively new modality which was established in the early 1970’s.  Founded on Western philosophies such as Chiropractic, Counselling, Anatomy and Physiology it was coupled with Eastern philosophies such as Meridians, Acupressure, Triad of Health and Chakras.

A fundamental principle of Kinesiology is that the body, mind and spirit has innate ability to heal itself which, at times, needs support to re-align and connect to this innate healing ability.

Humans are three dimensional beings, so it makes sense to use a modality which works on all three aspects, which is what Kinesiology does.  Most modalities are usually only one dimension and in some cases two.  This makes Kinesiology regarded as one of the truly holistic modalities.

So what are the signs which may indicate it’s an ideal time for you to see a kinesiologist?

1.     You’ve experienced a significant loss or change

Any type of loss and/or change can trigger the grief process.  Also loss doesn’t just mean death, it can be a completion of any sort.  Changes or loss can be physically; mentally; spiritually and /or financially.  It may relate to the change or loss of a person; thing and/or place.  Whilst grieving is specific process for the individual kinesiology can support the person through this.

2.     Your over emotional

Many people live with negative emotions, accepting this as their “norm”, which results in them feeling less than great about themselves.  Such feelings may be anxiety, fear, anger, self-doubt, frustration, overwhelm, tiredness / lacking energy, feeling on-edge, sad or teary.  Many of clients have transformed these emotions and transformed their lives.

3.    You are feeling imbalanced

If you describe yourself as feeling “out of sorts”, not “like yourself”, out of harmony and/or imbalanced and don’t have a logical (or medical) reason for feeling this way.   You may also be experiencing stress due to life/work or imbalance.

4.  Your body is giving  you feedback

Our body holds immense wisdom and will give you signs that something isn’t being addressed and thus needs to come back into equilibrium.  Such symptoms may be teeth grinding, insomnia, shortness of breath (for no apparent reason), restlessness, headaches, nail biting, muscle tension or cramping, body aches, stomach upsets or related issues such as bloating, belching, diarrhoea or constipation.

5.    Your neurology is under stress

Signs you are or have experienced neurological stress are brain fogginess, memory issues, loss of balance, co-ordination issues, difficulty concentrating and/or learning, short attention span, disorientation, variances in your vision and/or hearing.

6.  Your internal well being is based on external factors

A sure giveaway that your internal well being is based externally is if you find yourself affected by what people are or aren’t doing and/or who is or isn’t in your life.  Other indicators could be that are you use terminology such as “s/he makes me feel …”, “they did …”, “<x> didn’t happen so I feel …”

7.  Your not living in the now

Are you living in the living in the pain / fear of what has not even happened.  If so it will be resulting in sabotaging behaviour. For example  Tora* wanted to be in a relationship, however she feared being rejected.  When Tora attracts Mr Right there is a 50% chance she may be rejected, however there is also a 50% chance that she may have a loving supportive relationship.    Yet before Tora could even meet Mr Right, she was already living in the pain of being rejected.  *name has been changed for privacy reasons

8.  What you are doing hasn’t or isn’t working

A number of my client have tried one dimensional modalities which, although have worked to some degree, haven’t really helped them shift.  However kinesiology is getting them their desired results.    Whatever it is you are doing, professionally or privately, and it isn’t working then kinesiology might be the right modality to help support your shift.

How to find a kinesiologist

To find a kinesiologist you can search the Australian Kinesiology Association (AKA) website via:  https://www.aka.asn.au.  Check your practitioner is Health Fund registered to ensure their qualifications are current and at the highest industry standard.

 

You can also book an appointment with me via this link The Inner Sage Availability.  Mention this article to receive a 10% discount.

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Overthinking

Overthinking doing your head in?

Most people will, at some stage, partake in overthinking.   Overthinking, or ruminating as psychology refers to it, is not in itself a bad thing.  In fact overthinking can have its positives.  However it is when overthinking becomes a daily practice then it has negative impacts.

Let’s liken overthinking to chocolate; chocolate isn’t that bad for you when eaten in small amounts occasionally.  It is is dark chocolate with no sugar then it can have health benefits. However when chocolate is eaten everyday and is loaded with sugar then it has negative impacts.

Same too with over thinking.  Overthinking can affect people in such ways as:

  • insomnia
  • exhaustion / low energy
  • poor memory
  • pessimistic and negative attitude
  • inaction / lost opportunities
  • guilt, anxiety and depression
  • stomach issues
  • tension and stress
  • lack of or low self confidence
  • addiction or addictive behaviour
  • impaired problem solving
  • distortion of information leading to inaccurate perceptions

Overthinking is something which typically happens as we get older.  Young children don’t overthink matters, in fact as parents we spend a lot of time trying to teach them to do so.  Young children hold the world in wonder and they are often in the moment, be-ing.

As our children enter school their beautiful, curious, child-like brain becomes jam packed with knowledge and information.   Sir Kenneth Robinson, an international adviser on education, says “we educate people out of their creativity”.

He suggests that not only do we educate our children with knowledge, they also learn the stigmatisation of failure, the linear goal of getting a job done and the fear of being wrong.  Thus their uninhibited creativity becomes restricted.

This fear of failure and/or being “wrong” in general contributes to the reason some people overthink.  Another contribution is the amount of information we have at hand which means we are bombarded with choices.

Whilst it is important to understand what options we have, particularly when making decisions, too much choice can be overwhelming.  Our decision-making process is hindered and we can become enervated and debilitated.

If you are an overthinker, please be easy on yourself.  Apparently the brain is wired in such a way that overthinking is a natural tendency.  Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema explains “the organization of our brains sets us up for over-thinking”.  This is because our memories and thoughts are not compartmentalised, rather they are interwoven in intricate networks of associations.

Nolen-Hoeksema says “When you are in a bad mood of some type—depressed, anxious, just altogether upset—your bad mood tends to trigger a cascade of thoughts associated with your mood. These thoughts may have nothing to do with the incident that put you into a bad mood in the first place”

Furthermore, when a person is feeling negative they are more likely to focus on negative matters as well as create negative connections, which may not actually exist.  Like any habit, the more a person does this and engages in overthinking, the more likely they will do so in the future.

Mark Nepo said “No amount of thinking is going to stop you from thinking” so in order to break the overthinking habit you need to consider actions which aren’t engaging your thought processes.   You also want to consider actions which will create the positive neural pathways which allow you to access your “sensible” brain; the neocortex.  Actions such as:

  1.  Breathing.  Fear + Oxygen = Excitement
  2.  Meditate regularly (and at least several times per week)
  3.  Instead of talking it over, try writing!  Writing gives us a different perspective
  4.  Practice mindfulness; be-ing in the present moment
  5.  Trust in yourself as well as Universe
  6.  Exercise
  7.  Thoughts create reality; what are your thoughts creating?
  8.  Get creative; try colouring in, drawing, painting and/or pottery
  9.  Build your spontaneity muscle; a
  10.   Know that a choice is just a choice; if it doesn’t work out you simply make another choice
  11.  STOP IT!  Make a conscious choice not to engage in over thinking.

 

There isn’t a switch which we can access to stop overthinking, however it is a pattern or habit which with a little effort you can change.

If after reading this you feel you need additional support with overthinking then consider kinesiology as an option.  You can find more information on our website.

 

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness – its not an art, its a necessity

I understand first hand how challenging it can be to practice forgiveness.  Many years ago I found myself in the Family Court system.  Being in the “system” for approximately 4 1/2 years, and over $150,000 later, it was a constant test of my resilience as well as my ability to forgive.

I’ve been told that I am fair and honest in how I present what happened during that time and that whilst I can easily justify self-righteous anger, blame, and resentment, I came to realise that such a position only kept me connected to, and as a victim, of the other party.

In choosing to let go of destructive emotions such as anger, blame and resentment you free yourself from being chained to your “perpetrator”.  Forgiveness is the ultimate act of love; not for the other person yet for yourself.  When you free yourself, you can genuinely move forward in your life.

Anger, blame and resentment can be destructive emotions.  These strong emotions trigger the body’s fight, flight or freeze response, which in turn activates the adrenal gland hormones of cortisol and adrenaline.   Short term your body is designed to cope with these hormones, however longer term such hormones can hamper almost every bodily system and process.

Forgiveness cultivates love, peace, compassion; it is one of the best forms of self care and nurturing that you can do.  These productive emotions generate oxytocin in the body which is known as the comfort and trust hormone.  It counteracts cortisol.  Thus love, peace and compassion have both mentally and physical benefits.

Forgiveness does not mean you deny, excuse, condone or forget the seriousness you hold over the offence of what happened or the behaviour of the other person.   What it does mean is that you make a conscious and deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or anger despite whether the person (or people) deserve your forgiveness.

Rarely will forgiveness happen overnight, it is a process.  Brene Brown states “In order for forgiveness to happen something has to die!”   So for this process to happen you have to be willing to accept the ending of something or someone as you knew it.

In my situation I had to let go of the person as I knew him and with whom I had fallen in love with.  I also had to release the person I had become to get through that period in my life.  It was was imperative that I accept that life as I had known it would never be the same – not that that was necessarily a bad thing.

When we consider forgiveness from this perspective it becomes a process likened to the grief cycle.  Which means in order to get to forgiveness we will go through the various stages of grief which is: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Five stages of grief – Elisabeth Kübler Ross

EKR stage Interpretation
1 – Denial Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, relating to the situation concerned.   Typically it is  a defence mechanism and as is a legitimate part of the process.  For some, they will become stuck in this stage particularly when dealing with a devastating or traumatic change.  Noting usually such a change which cannot be avoided indefinitely.
2 – Anger

 

Anger often manifests in various ways.  People may become angry with themselves, and/or with others, and/or with “God”.
3 – Bargaining

 

Bargaining is a way to avoid the cause of grief.  Some people will attempt to bargain or seek a compromise with “God” and/or another person.  Such as “if you do <x> then I’ll do <x>”
4 – Depression This stage is a step towards acceptance yet with emotional attachment. It can be the range of emotions from sadness and regret to fear and uncertainty.  The person recognises the mortality of the situation and has begun to accept the reality of what is.
5 – Acceptance In this stage the person has realised that they will be ok.  The person tends to have a more calm and retrospective view.  They typically will have stabilised their emotions to some level embraced what now is.

When we process grief we need to embrace an essence of vulnerability.  Brene Brown states: “Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”

Steps to Forgiveness  

As the title of this article states, forgiveness is not an art as so many people put it.  It really is a necessity for you to live an empowered life and to live in the present moment.

Consider one or all of the following methods for  you to let go.

Honour how you feel

Your emotions exist for a reason and have a role to play, so honouring how you feel is important.  Its OK to feel sad, angry, hurt, etc, noting there is a fine balance between acknowledging how you feel and being engulfed by your emotions (particularly the negative emotions).

Once you’ve acknowledged how  you feel then consider what are these emotions endeavouring to tell you, what is it that you need for that emotion to discontinue.

Take responsibility

By being upset over what someone else has done is shifting the responsibility off yourself and placing you in the mode of blame.  There are two sides to the equation and when you sit on the blame side of the equation you are being a victim.

By taking responsibility you acknowledge how you contributed to the situation and the part you had to play in what occurred.  You then become empowered.

Contemplate the benefits

As the Yin / Yang symbol reminds us, duality exists in everything.  Including the situation around which you need to find forgiveness.  What this means is that it is not all “negative or bad” and as much as there will be drawbacks to what happened, there will also be benefits.

So consider what are the benefits of what happened?  How was it advantageous?  For you and perhaps for another?  Where can you find blessings (or possible blessings) of the situation?

Cultivate empathy

There is a saying in Eastern philosophy which translate states:  If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves.  Thus it is much satisfying being kind than being right.

Empathy at its core is understanding the perspective of another; letting go of judgement; recognising the emotion of another as well as communicating it.  Empathy is about connection with others, rather than driving them away.  Whether that connection be with the person / people you are forgiving or others around you.

However empathy is also about connection with yourself and finding your inner peace, so that you can attract more of that rather than attracting more discord.

Be water-like and flow

One of my most favourite Eastern philosophies is:  Bu tong ze tong, Tong ze bu tong, which translates: If there is no free flow, there is pain; if there is free flow, there is no pain.

When we allow ourselves to be like water we are fluid and adaptable to what is going on around us.  We learn from previous experiences and life flows without pain.  Water-like means we can re-shape ourselves and to move along with life.

Forgiveness in inherently a selfish act.  To forgive is primarily for your own health and well being.  The bonus is that those around you, whom you love and care about, fundamentally benefit too.

As a kinesiologist I understand that at times our body holds onto “stuff” (yep technical term) making it less than easy to let go.  If, after reading this article, you are still finding it difficult to let go then make an appointment to see us:

 http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointment-randwick/

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Fear

Stop creating what you fear

One of the things I love about being a kinesiologist is helping my clients observe their behaviours, beliefs and thoughts.  Awareness being the key to change.   Until recently I hadn’t realised just how many people are creating the very thing they fear.

Client after client, no matter what they were working on, were sabotaging themselves from achieving their goals because inadvertently they were manifesting the very thing they feared happening.  This meant instead of the “fear” maybe happening they had created it to happen.

Sam* wanted to be in a relationship, however she feared being rejected.  Now when Sam attracts Mr Right there is a 50% chance she may be rejected, however there is also a 50% chance that she may have a loving supportive relationship.    Yet before Sam could even meet Mr Right, she was already living in the pain of being rejected.

Evie* wanted to let go and be accepting, however she feared not being in control.  When we looked at this in depth because she couldn’t let go it caused her additional work.  This caused her frustration and resulted in her loosing her temper – she lost control.  So not letting go ultimately caused what she feared.

Why would people do this?

In all of the examples I have where clients were doing this, they actually weren’t aware they were doing it.  Many people are so busy in their days to days lives they don’t have (or make) the time for self awareness.  And many people when they are self aware don’t have the tools to shift or change their habit, belief and/or pattern.

Focus

What we focus on, consciously or unconsciously, is what we attract.  Even if what we are focusing on isn’t beneficial for us.

Defensive driving instructors advise that if you are in a car accident focus on where you want / need the car to go.  Do not look at the wall or tree that may be near.  The reasons for this is because your actions are more likely to support you in taking the car in the direction you are looking at.

So too in life, wherever we put our energy (which is what we think about, talk about and look at) will determine our actions and behaviours.  In all the examples I have people had been focusing on what they didn’t want to be instead of what actually could be.  As soon as they realised this it opened them up to different, and positive, possibilities.

Beliefs

Beliefs are one of the most powerful directive forces in our lives. They are generalisations that we have of ourselves and the world around us, which become the principles that we chose to live by.  Simplified, beliefs are what we consider to be true and therefore create and shape our reality – our map of the world which we consider to be real.

Beliefs are a self fulfilling prophecy.

What we believe creates an expectation of what is likely to happen, this influences our behaviours (as well as how we feel) and then creates the basis of what actions we do or don’t take. In turn the actions or activities that we are doing or not doing will be the result or outcome we achieve.

This means that if you want to change your results or your behaviours, you need be aware of your beliefs to ensure they support what you want to achieve and who you want to be.

Positive / empowering beliefs are permission slips for getting the outcomes you want.

Amygdala response

Fear is programmed in our genetic coding from the time of our prehistoric relatives.  At a time when it was vital for them to respond effectively to physical and emotional dangers.  Our Prehistoric ancestors needed fear in order to protect themselves from legitimate threats.

In this day and age whilst threats exist, we no longer need to be on such high alert.  However without the reprogramming of the amygdala we still have a safe hold on this response.

Changing the pattern

Do Fear Daily

When you do something you fear, you are in fact practising courage.  The more fearful things you do the more you train your brain not to let fear stop you.  It’s kind of like building a muscle, yet in this case you are building your courage muscle.

So each and every day do something you fear (which is safe and within reason).  Whilst it might not be the very thing you fear, it is inadvertently helping you to choose to act in the right way with any fear.

Change Focus

To change your focus you just need bring awareness to what you are placing your attention to.  This can be done by being mindful of how you are feeling.  If you aren’t feeling good then it is likely you are thinking about something which isn’t serving you.

You can also change your focus on a subject by considering:

  • What is great about the <issue> right now?
  • What are the benefit of <issue>?
  • What is going well in life?
  • What makes you happy?
  • What can I do today that will support what I need?
Change your beliefs

Commonly it is thought that our beliefs have a hold on us when in fact we have a hold on them. The first step to changing beliefs is the desire to let them go.

Negative beliefs are any thoughts, feelings you have which don’t support you in getting what you want. These are the ones you want to dispel….I’ve just seen this word in such a different way DIS-SPEL which reminded me of this quote:

Consider the topic which you want to examine your beliefs about. Write down all your thoughts about that topic. You could also bring awareness to what you say to yourself about this topic and/or what do you say to others.

When / if you have any negative feelings arising when you think about or doing this topic, consider what you were thinking to cause that feeling.

Two negatives make a positive, so now is time to negate the negative!  The way in which you do this is to disturb the references that are supporting the beliefs.  To do this question your beliefs:

  • What does that mean to you to believe that? How does it serve you?
  • Where and when did you start believing that?
  • What will happen if you change this belief?
  • What are the benefits of not solving your belief?
  • What are the consequences of continuing to believe that?
  • What examples/references do you have where the opposite is true?
  • What belief is equally if not more so true?
Train your amygdala

The pre-frontal cortex is the part of our brain which holds the key to our executive functions such as:  reasoning, problem solving, innovative, understanding and perception, impulsion,  creativity and perseverance.    Functions that help us think before we act.

The amygdala in fact is the opposite, it often cause emotive reactions.  However the pre-frontal cortex has dynamic inhibitory circuits which mute and still the amygdala.

Ways to strengthen the pre-frontal cortex are:

  • Meditation
  • Stay positive and away from negative drama
  • Play memory games
  • Learn something new such as juggling or another language
  • Get adequate sleep
  • Kinesiology!

By being aware of habit this you can start living in the now.  When you live in the now you have an improved probability to creating what you really desire!

If you would like additional support to creating what you desire then consider an appointment with one of our skilled kinesiologists.  Use this link to schedule an appointment now:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

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Self Relationship

Transforming your self relationship

A few years ago I was in a relationship that wasn’t supportive of me.   I was unsupported as to who I am, what I believe in, my wants and needs as well as what I wanted to achieve.  It wasn’t long before I realised that I was, and very quickly, loosing my own identity.

I found myself terribly unhappy and waking up with anxiety on most days; which drained my energy leaving me tired and lethargic.  I also found that I was loosing my confidence and thus not trusting my decisions or ability to make decisions.

My relationship with my-self began to diminish.  My self worth decreased as did my self love and self respect.  Resulting in me almost sabotaging the very things that were and are important to me.   Luckily I was studying kinesiology at the time and despite my conscious mind not wanting to see certain things, thank body my did and revealed the stresses and impact they were having on me.

Alchemy derives from the Greek word khemeia which means “art of transmuting metals.”  The Alchemist’s vocation was mainly two things:  1. transforming base metals into gold; and 2. seeking the elixir of life.  Such an elixir would give everlasting life and cure sickness.

Simplified alchemy is transforming something that is dull into something precious and finding the key to a happy and long life.  Therefore Self Relationship Alchemy is transforming the how we interact with ourselves.  Treating ourselves with great love, value and precious-ness!  As well as living a happier life which most likely leads to a longer life!

For many (women in particular) the “self” relationship, being such things as self-confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-love and self-respect is often non existent.  The lack of such qualities is seemingly acceptant just as “the way they are” and it isn’t until enormous pain and unhappiness occurs that they consider transforming this.

Your relationship with yourself is reflected in ALL other areas of life.  Finances, friendships, relationships, career, environments.  What you do and don’t attract in life.  So if you are attracting people and situations that are less than you deserve and/or want, consider how the relationship with yourself is.

Ways to Alchemise your Self Relationship

  • Set boundaries:  Where are you limits of what you are willing to accept.  Be clear on what behaviours, communication and interaction is acceptable for you to receive from others.
  • Be Courageous:   Once you know what you are and aren’t willing to accept them you need to be brave and speak up.  Let others know that what they are doing isn’t OK and that you need it to change.
  • Loving Activities:   Do more of the things you love doing.  Those things perhaps you haven’t done for while and those activities that make you happy when doing them.
  • Attention Placement:  What are you focusing on?  It is empowering or dis-empowering?  What “stories” are you telling yourself which are stemming from a perception rather than fact?
  • Build confidence “muscle”:  Confidence is like building a muscle, it takes time and repetitive activities.  So start small and let it build!
  • Stop loathing activities:  Do less of the things you dislike doing.  Better still outsource them or just stop doing them!
  • Inspiringly Align:  Read quotes, books, insights anything that lifts up your spirit and transforms your day.
  • Resonate Essences:  Find the right essence/s for you and start taking them.  I’ve found them to tranformative!
  • Treat yourself as you treat others:  Often we treat others better than ourselves, so start interacting with yourself as if you were another.  Actually treat yourself better than that!
  • See your Kinesiologist:  OK, this one is a bit cheeky!  However in my practice I have been able to help my clients uncover the patterns and blockages that impede them from alchemising their “self” relationship.
    More importantly I have given my clients tools and techniques to clear them clear such blockages so that they are empowered having self confidence, love, respect, worth and self belief.

 

Know you are not everyone’s cup of tea and that there will be people who won’t like you, who won’t agree with who you are or with what you do.  In my experience, in most cases, this happens when that person is projecting their own “stuff” rather than owning it.

Whatever the case is, the stronger you are within yourself, the more you know who you are, love and accept all aspects of who you are …. what others think simply won’t matter.

Also the more that you invest into your “self” relationship you will find that your external world will reflect this and that  you will attract more of what you deserve and desire.

We have both face to face and skype sessions available.  If you are interested in scheduling a session with us please click on this link:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

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Visibility

Visibility: Emerging from the Shadows

A little over two years ago I left a less than healthy relationship (every girl usually has at least one!).  A relationship that had sucked me dry of confidence, self belief and worth. One which left me wanting to decrease my visibility in the world, and more specifically to men, so I unconsciously decided to put on weight.

My weight gain was a way to hide myself because it seemed “safe” however it was also an indication that I there were underlining aspects to address.  It also became more evident that as I started to build my business not only was I hiding myself away from men, I was also hiding myself away from women – the very people I wanted to help.

Weight gain is one way to do in-visibility, another is to hide behind images other than your own; being angry; being despondent and/or failing to socialise.

Visibility; without it you won’t get the relationship you want, the job you desire or clients and thus finances you require for your business to succeed.  In fact your success in any endeavour will be moderate unless you allow yourself to be seen.

Visibility requires courage, as Benjamin Mee said “all you need is 20secs…”.  When you have such courage and give yourself permission to be visible you now show up in life.  Showing up means you remove the masquerade to be vulnerable and allow transparency.

Such transparency results in you being a participator rather than a spectator.  You make a choice to be honest, to be authentic which means  you have made the choice to let your true essence/s to be revealed.

Reasons we remain invisible

Rejection
Not many people like rejection, however that is only because they perceive rejection as
Visibilitynegative.  Rejection is symbolic of many positive things, such as:  the need to love who you are; a sign that you are on the wrong path; an indication that you were settling for less than you deserve or that the universe holds for you.

Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.” What Marcus Aurelius is teaching us is that when you choose not to be rejected; when you chose to see it as nothing more than an action of another then you cannot be hurt / rejected.

If fear of rejection has been an issue for you then consider time you have been rejected and in hindsight how being rejected proved to be beneficial.

Confidence
When we lack confidence we shy and back away from opportunities and impede ourselves from reaching our full potential.  When simplified confidence comes down to believing in yourself.  Having certainty about who you are and what you have to offer.  When you are secure in what you offer others and who you are then you have confidence.

Whilst there are external things you can use to lift your confidence (make up, clothes, compliments) it’s a trait that is more powerful when it comes from within you.

Does lacking confidence resonate with you?  Listen to what your inner voice is saying and politely correct it.  Find affirmations that work for you and embed them at a deep level.

Overwhelm
The person who has kept themselves unseen has most likely done this for a period of time.  Thus to remove that invisibility cloak can be very overwhelming.  Even for the person who has had the cloak partially on, it can seem easier to remain in the back ground.  However remember being in the background is holding you back.

Feeling overwhelmed is linked to various things such as:  placing high expectations on ourselves; perfection pressure; a need to control situations and/or making matters to be bigger and more complex than they are.

When having visibility is overwhelming for you, then start small.  Break it down into sizeable chunks.  Consider being visible like building a muscle; small repetitive actions will build up your resilience and you are being seen.

Ways to get visible

Visibility does not mean you have to hire a loud speaker and platform, although it would definitely be breaking some barriers if you did!  Here are some other suggestions for you which might feel much easier:

Smile
Such a simple, cost effective way to connect with people!  A sincere smile can make the difference to someone else’s day – as well as your own!

Share
Sharing is about divulging your thoughts, passions, fascinations and what you stand for.  Which can be done over a coffee, on social media, a blog or via groups and gatherings.

Sharing can be done via writing, photo’s and/or videos.  It can be done via comments, images, quotes or presentations which reflect who you are.  When we have a question, thought or idea you can count on someone else having the same or similar train of thought.  So know that anything you communicate there will be at least one person resonating with you!

What is something you can share that you’ve been hiding?  and how can you share that in a way that feels safe for you?

Go Outside
Physically and metaphysically going outside is empowering.  It is the physical aspect of consciously taking yourself out into the world and metaphysically and/or unconsciously telling Visibilitythe world you are ready to be seen!

Being outside is also a way to get grounded.  When you are grounded we are centred within your self and have a great resilience to stress.

Going outside could be going for a walk, picnic, to the beach, to a cafe to read or work, perhaps going to the shops.  It doesn’t have to be catching up with anyone specifically yet it does mean being in places where there are other people!

Where will you go today which takes you outside into the world?

Connect with people
Often when you’ve been playing the invisible game there will be friends, colleagues or associates whom you haven’t connected with for a while.   There could be other reasons for this however you choosing to cocoon yourself will have contributed.

Some of these people will fall into the category of natural attrition and you won’t have any desire to connect with them.  Others you will feel enthusiastic about re-connecting and the ones you are meant to reconnect with will be genuinely happy to hear from you.

Make a list of people who you haven’t touched base with in a while.  Decide how you will make contact (phone, email, text, facebook), then make contact!

Visibility engages your soul and lights it up.  You become magnetising not just to others yet also to the universe to deliver what it is you are wanting.  Life becomes just that bit more enjoyable.

Please be aware that when you get visible you may not be everybody’s cup of tea and that is absolutely OK.  Because as per Anthropologist Robin Dunbar’s suggestion that we can only maintain a certain number of relationships, so we might as well make sure they are relationships that count!

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Healthy Relationships

How to determine healthy relationships

It takes courage to stop the merry-go-round and honestly analyse our relationships.  Those close interactions with family, friends, colleagues and our partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, wife and/or husband).  And if you find yourself reading this it is likely that you are questioning the health of one or more of those relationships.

At times it seems as plain as day that the relationship is unhealthy.   However there is a difference between unhealthy interactions and unhealthy connections.  So if you believe your relationship can be saved, if you hold out hope that things will improve, here is a method for  genuinely determining that.

The old adage “it takes two to tango” definitely applies to relationships.  Both parties participate in the dynamic, thus there cannot be any blame gaming.  In order to preserve themselves, one or both of the due will apportion blame to the other party.  Making the other person “wrong” so that they can feel “right” about their own behaviour.

The first step in determining the health of your relationship is to take ownership for how you are specifically contributing to the current dynamic.  Now that doesn’t mean that you behaviour is necessarily negative, however what it does mean is that whatever you are or aren’t doing lends to allowing the other’s behaviour.

An common example of how people contribute is by being the the “passive” person in the duo.  They often participate by not speaking up and not reinforcing their boundaries.  Check out our post regarding boundaries: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/?s=boundaries

Stipulating our boundaries is a way for a person to express what is right (and wrong) for them; what they are willing and NOT willing to accept.  Such boundaries often include behaviours from your partner which are and aren’t ok for you.

This may be your contribution to the dynamic and if so take time to consider what your boundaries are.  If not, then how are you specifically contributing?

Another common theme I have found with people who are in unhealthy relationships is that they often put the other person first and before their own needs.  They give so much that they find themselves being drained and often to the point where they are depleted.

In some cases this giving soul feels obligated to giving in order to keep the relationship.  They often have self sacrificed to the point that they have lost their identity.  Because their needs are not being met in the relationship by their partner or by them self.

So the second step in this process is to determine the equality of the give/take scenario in your relationship.  How much do you give in your relationship OR how much do you take? Is it even or is there an imbalance in this equation.  Also what part of  your identity have you given up to keep the relationship?  What part of your soul needs to be reclaimed?

In his book, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, John Gray advises there are six needs that men and women need to be fulfilled in order to feel loved.  When our needs are not being met we don’t feel loved AND we as our cup is nRelationshipsow filled, we are not able to love to our full capacity.

The third aspect of this process is now to determine which of your needs are not being met.

Also which of your partner’s needs could you be mindful of meeting?  If a woman in a heterosexual relationship, could you genuinely admire your partner more?  Could you tell him what he does that you appreciate?

Once you have gotten clarity about your relationship in that you:

  • understand your contribution to your relationship’s current status
  • have clarified what your boundaries are and any behaviours that are not acceptable to you in a relationship
  • are clear on the amount of give/take that is happening
  • know which of your needs are not being met and which ones you are not meeting

you’re now in a position to make the changes you need in order for it to be healthy.  So one thing to be aware of….

When the dynamic of a person and a relationship changes you may find the other party doesn’t like these changes.  You may find that they impede the changes by refusing to participate or behaving in such a way that keeps the status quo.

This is usually because they feel safe with you playing the role that you’ve been playing.  Most likely the way things have been makes them feel important and good about themselves.  Communication plays such an important part at this stage.  Explaining how and why things need to change, the benefits to them as well as yourself.

In the instance this is a healthy relationship your other party will understand and they will be willing to work with you to make the changes.  It doesn’t necessarily mean things will go smoothly however they will be willing to try.

On the other hand if this is an unhealthy relationship you will find the changes you desire obstructed and they will show restraint.  Now this doesn’t mean you “exit right”, what it does mean that you need to help your other party understand that you are serious about the changes and the consequences of such changes not happening.

If you go to this step, of stipulating consequences you MUST ensure you follow through.  It takes courage to step up and it takes even more courage to follow through.  However remember you would have given them a fair opportunity to change.  You would have explained the importance to you of the reasons this change is important.

In the event you don’t follow through then it adds more dysfunction to the relationship.  As in the fable “The boy who cried wolf”, the other party won’t believe you even when you have been pushed past your limit.

Relationships are about growth; either people grow together or they grow apart.  If your current friend, partner, work colleague is not willing to grow with you and support you in your growth then know there is someone else out there for you who will.

When you are no longer willing to accept dysfunction and dramatic relationships you raise your self love and respect.   You raise our vibration to let the universe know the type of relationship you are willing to accept.  When you trust your self and in the Universe you will attract that person who is on the same level as you.

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What are your emotions telling you?

What are your Emotions telling you?

What exactly are our emotions?  “An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioural or expressive response.”  (Hockenbury & Hockenbury, 2007)

It is interesting that emotions are a “subjective experience”.  Which means that despite (at times) people experiencing the same situations, events, relationships, places, etc the interpretation of such WILL differ.

Yet subjectivity is only one component of what emotions are.  Hockenbury & Hockenbury also determine that an emotions also have a physiological response.  In her book, Molecules of Emotion,  neuroscientist Candace Pert explains “As our feelings change, this mixture of peptides travels throughout your body and your brain. And they’re literally changing the chemistry of every cell in your body.”

Our cells are fundamental building blocks of our physical being.  It is at this level where our health and well-being is determined.    If our cells are flooded with negativity,  negative chemistry will result disabling the cells from performing optimally.

The third component is HOW we respond to our emotions.   The word emotion originates from the French word “emouvoir” which means to excite.  As well as the Latin word “emovere” which means to move.  Our emotions serve to motivate us to take action (move) towards things that excite us.  Emotions also serve for us to take action in order to survive and thus keep ourselves safe from danger.

Emotions Position description

Our emotions serve a purpose and have a job to do.  The problem happens when our emotions become over zealous about their role.  When they (as such) go beyond their position description and become over zealous. Such over zealousness creates imbalance and our emotions require “performance management”.

When we understand the message our emotions are giving us then we are given the key as to how to manage them!

So what are our emotions telling us?

Anger
Anger is often a catalyst for change.  It gives way for the opportunity to transform and to take responsibility.  Ask yourself:   what needs to change in your life?  what do you need to take responsibility for?  what part did you play in the situation? how can you create more peace in your life?  Action:  Practice forgiveness

Depression
Depression provides an opportunity for a person to get to know themselves at a deeper and genuine level.   If we don’t allow depression to take over, it is an emotion which can motivate people to deep and lasting healing.   Ask yourself:  what are the benefits of feeling down?  how does this feeling serve me?  what does it give me excuses not to do?  what is it that I’ve been suppressing that I need to address?

Fear
Fear and excitement use the same energy! Although people tend to misread excitement as fear, thus sabotaging ourselves from taking action and enabling change.  Ask yourself:  what is the worse thing that could happen with this change?  and what can I do to counteract that?  What are the benefits of change?  What are the drawbacks of not changing?  Action:  Do something small which you are fearful of each day.  You build up your resistance to fear and create a habit of taking action despite fear.

Grief
Grieving occurs when the person has or perceives loss.  Whether that loss is a person, relationship, home and/or job.  Whatever the loss is grief is an important part of healing.  However if we prolong our grief it keeps a person stuck in the past and inhibits them from moving forward.  Ask yourself:  how has my loss given way for new opportunities?  If the loss is a person consider how moving forward honours them.

Guilt
Guilt is a very destructive emotion which keeps the person imprisoned and confined rather than feeling free.  It is an indicator that the person needs to lighten their energy and release the burdens they are carrying.   Ask yourself: what is the lesson in the situation for me?  what is the lesson for other/s?   Action:  Go to a park and swing – feel the freedom it gives!

Jealousy
Jealousy is most often due to feelings of inferiority as well as lack mentality.   It can also close a person’s heart creating resentment and limitation.  Action:  Focus on being grateful, finding the blessings in EVERYTHING.  Also use meditations (or essences) which help open your heart.

Judgement
Judgement can be an indicator of controlling behaviours or the need to be in control.  It is an emotion which inhibits the person from being empowered as they are putting others down to feel better about them self.  Often when this behaviour is imbalanced it is due to being conflicted within.  Ask yourself:   What can I do to honour myself?  and others?  Focus on meditations which focus on trusting the flow of life.

Overwhelm
Overwhelm diminishes our peace and creates chaos.   It often occurs when we are looking at the big picture and many things at once.   Action:  Focus on firstly prioritising the activities, then breaking them down into manageable chunks.  Use breathing or meditation techniques to create centredness and peace.

Rejection
Rejection or more aptly put the fear of rejection stops many from pursuing their goals and fully connecting with the joy of life.  When feeling rejection there is a need to release from patterns of self-criticism and self-pity to work on increasing self worth.  Consider this:  That rejection is not of you or your work.  Rather it’s due to someone not taking the time to understand what you have to offer and as a result they have lost out.

Resentment
Resentment happens when we feel we have been unfairly treated or feel taken advantage of.  As resentment continues to resonate it turns into righteousness and we fail to see points of view other than our own.  Action step:  Consider what the other person’s point of view is in the situation.  Perhaps set up two chairs in one chair you speak as yourself and in the other you speak as the other person.

Sadness
Refer to Grief

Stress
Stress occurs when people are not living in the present moment.  As it continues they neglect their personal needs, particularly the tension that builds up.  Instead of allowing things to flow they strain to get things done, piling on more tasks as they go.  Action steps:  Use Resonate Essences “Present Time” spray or use our “Calling your Spirit back” meditation.  What specific aspect relating to yourself have you been neglecting? e.g exercise, food, water

Unworthiness
When a person feels unworthy it is because they fail to see the value that they contribute to the world.  They are often very critical of themselves and judge themselves more harshly than others.  They give and/or allow others to take their personal power.   Action:  Define your boundaries; what is and isn’t acceptable to you.  Ask others to list three positive things about you.  At the end of the day for three weeks write down all your achievements, things you did well or that you wouldn’t usually do.

Worry
Refer to fear

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Law of Attraction - Vibration

Eight ways you can raise your vibration

Regularly when working with clients, I find myself explaining that in order to achieve what they desire they need to “shift and raise their vibration”.  Whilst many understand the concept they don’t necessarily understand what steps they can take to achieve this.

In my personal experience what you have or attract in life is directly related to your energy.  As well as your level of empowerment and how you feel about yourself.  If you want to attract or manifest certain things, people or situations it is important that you are resonating at the right vibration.

What is our “vibration”?

Dr. Richard Gerber, who wrote Vibration Medicine, supports the notion that we are more than our physical body and that we also have energetic information systems; such as the subtle bodies that Eastern philosophies often refer to.  He also states “energy is very strongly influenced by consciousness”.

Thus our vibration is the frequency and energy at which our physical, mental, emotional and energetic bodies are oscillating at.  Each aspect having its own separate frequency which contributes to the whole and it is this integration vibration that communicate with others around us.

When you contemplate ways to raise your vibration it is important to consider them from these aspects; physical, mental, emotional and energetically!

Methods to raise your vibration

  1. External world / internal world

    Your external world is a reflection of what is happening within yourself, thus it acts as a prompt to what you are placing your attention and focus on. If you don’t like what is happening around you, consider what you need to address within or give to yourself.  For example if you are attracting negative situations, consider how you are being negative. Once you can acknowledge this, you can change it and you no longer need to attract such situations for you to learn from.

  2. Consider your thoughts and words

    As Buddha said “what you think you become”, thus the thoughts you have create how you feel. It is important to acknowledge how you are feeling, however also consider what  you have or are thinking about as this is most likely the reason you are feeling less than great.
    Remember just because you think something, doesn’t mean it is true, so consider other and alternative possibilities. Life is made up of dualities so things, people, situations are not all good nor are they all bad they are a balance of both, when we see both aspects we have peace and empowerment ~ higher vibrational energy.
    Also consider the words that you are using and find alternatives.  For example “should” is a guilt creating word, so instead of using “should” use “could” – it is a choice creating word.  Rather than things being bad, state they are less than good.  Words, as does thoughts, have their own vibrational energy so if you want to lift your vibration then using those of a positive resonance helps.

  3. Feed your mind

    What material (books, magazines, online) are you reading?  Also what TV shows or movies are you watching?  Did you realise that the material you feed your mind with is also unconscious programming you?  Make a choice to nourish your mind with information that is strengthening and encouraging, that whilst feeding your mind is also nurtures your soul.

  4. Practice Gratitude

    To practice gratitude is to find something to be thankful for in every situation, even those situations which seem less than positive.  When you develop an attitude of gratefulness then you become more present which can help you realise that everything that happens is moving you towards something bigger and better.  Yet too gratitude is an emotion of higher forces and thus lifts your vibration so you attract more of the same (so more situations to be grateful for).

  5. Meditation

    When you meditate you enable your mind and body to realign with its truer state; a state of calmness, peace, happiness and joy.  You are also able to connect with your higher self, that part of you which holds wisdom and insight as well as guidance.  Thus meditation is a tool in which you can access and connect with the  higher vibrational energy within and around you.

  6. Use Essences

    There are many different essences in the marketplace however the one which we recommend and use is Resonate Essences.  These essences are made with high vibrational ingredients yet too they have been created with the purest of energetic vibrations including love.  Working on a spiral flow dynamic these essences dissolve and transmute the negative vibrations create a space for the positive vibrations to permeate and infuse.

  7. Get moving

    Movement creates energy, so when we move in a way which makes us happy or gives us joy we create positive energy faster.  So engage in an activity that gets you moving and that resonates with you; go walking, go to the gym, dance, jump on the trampoline; it doesn’t matter how you move, just move!
    When you move you breathe more and thus increase the oxygen in your body – oxygen is life giving, life forming energy, so when you breathe you are giving  this to yourself.

  8. Higher vibration foods / fluids

    Eat foods that are “live”, which are unprocessed foods that are beneficial to you.  As the adage states “you are what you eat” thus food directly impacts your physical body.  Either you are fuelling it or defusing it.
    This also applies to the fluids you drink and in order to thrive your body needs at least two litres per day (more depending on circumstances).  So are you are you drinking enough water?  is your body adequately absorbing it?  are you drinking too much caffeine, alcohol or sugar based drinks?
    When your physical body thrives so too does your vibrational bodies.

In his book “The Power of Intention” Dr. Wayne Dyer wrote:  “What you may fail to see inside is a result of how you choose to process everything and everyone in your world. You project onto the world what you see inside, and you fail to project into the world what you fail to see inside. If you knew that you were an expression of the universal spirit of intention, that’s what you’d see. You’d raise your energy level beyond any possibility of encumbrances to your connection to the power of intention. It is only discord acting within your own feelings that will ever deprive you of every good thing that life holds for you! If you understand this simple observation, you’ll curb interferences to intention.”

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