Category Archives: Relationships

Loving a person who has been emotionally wounded

Loving a person who has been emotionally wounded is a less than easy task, it really does take someone special to see through their patterns and help them to trust others again. Wounded people are mostly sensitive, gentle souls who feel and love wholeheartedly, yet currently are feeling unsafe to do so again. Their wounds are carried deeply in their heart and they are typically expecting to be wounded again.

Noting, if you are being treated in an unacceptable and disrespectful manner (physically, emotionally &/or mentally), no matter how much you can see that they are intrinsically a good person, their wounds are not an excuse for you accepting bad behaviour. Unless the wounded person is remorseful for their behaviour and actively seeking support to resolve this, it is unlikely that they will change.

Mammals, including humans, are naturally wired to be somewhat on guard. Yet in order to allow intimacy this inner protection system needs to be disarmed by the brain. When social interactions are at a superficial level the wounded person will feel safe. So once the wounded person’s intimate relationship starts getting deeper they activate their alert system.

Emotional wounds are experienced both in the mind and the heart, increasing stress both mentally and physically. It can change the way a person thinks and feels. Emotional and physical pain are processed by the same areas of the brain, which is why heartbreak can feel like it is literally hurting. The medical name for the stress of a heartbreaking situation is Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy The symptoms are similar to that of a heart attack, yet unlike a heart attack there is no permanent damage.

Heart Coherence

Your heart emanates more energy than your brain, producing an electromagnetic field approximately one metre around your body. It is suggested that this field is a carrier of information.

Research shows at your emotional state will create a pattern of energy reflective of what that emotion is, which is then carried in the field emanating around you. In turn this pattern of energy influences your energy levels, the clarity of your thinking, boosts your immune system and orders your nervous system.

The emotionally wounded person has usually built walls around themselves and this emanates in their field. So they may not let you in, yet if they do they may not be letting you completely in. In order to become wholehearted it is ideal their healing incorporates all layers – physical, mental, emotional and energetic – which by the way kinesiology does!

At some stage the person who has been emotionally wounded loved unconditionally, they gave themselves entirely over to love and trusted in it. Only for that trust to be taken advantage of.

Their wounds will often be displayed by certain behaviours, actions and mindsets such as sarcasm, insecurity, fear, and a lack of trust – blaming, questioning, etc. Their own sense of self may be lost to them resulting in low self esteem. They won’t be able to see the reason you love them, because they can’t see it for themselves.

Techniques to support

At times it may feel like you are walking on eggshells around them, endeavouring not to trigger them by what you say or do. This is not healthy for you or for your partner. Its understanding the reason behind their trigger and having techniques or tools that support you, and them, in managing the situation.

It is not your job the heal the wounded person, however there are certainly things you can do to support them becoming and loving wholly again.

Trustworthiness

Always be honest and tell the truth, even if you think the truth will hurt them. Also be up front about things, again even if you think it won’t go down so well. A lie is a lie, and hiding information is considered a lie. No matter how small a lie is, it holds the same energy as a major one. The wounded person is on a more heightened alert and will typically pick up on the energy of the lie or you hiding something. Yet they will misread the energy and think it is something more, heightening their insecurity.

Most lies are often uncovered and such deception creates instability. It suggests to the wounded person that you cannot be trusted and that you will hurt them. Trust me, it is not worth it. It will also put them on “alert” to continually ask questions to make sure nothing more is being hidden.

When you are honest and upfront, this shows the wounded person that they can rely on you. That you are dependable and honourable. Which means for them that it is safe to be with you.

Reassurance

Most of all the wounded person needs reassurance. Reassurance that assists them to eliminate their doubts and fears. Unconsciously the wounded person may be seeking evidence that they are going to be wounded again. Also “creating” evidence in their minds to make their fears real.

Reassurance gives the wounded person a reference that what they fear or believe is not true. The more references they are the less that fear will come into play. Reassurance gives the wounded person confirmation that they are loveable. That you have their back. That you are not going anywhere and that they are safe.

Create a wholeheartedly safe space

To live wholeheartedly means living life from a place of worthiness. Wholeheartedly means that despite imperfections a person is worthy of love and belonging. That they are safe to be in the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure of a relationship.

When you can contribute to creating a space where the broken person is taught that despite their shortcomings you still love them, they will begin to love themselves. You can also remind them what is lovable about them.

That whilst there is uncertainty and risk to focus on what is certain. Because what you focus on today will create more of tomorrow. Reinforce that you want the same things from the relationship. This helps create more certainty for them and gets them to change their focus.

You are strong, and brave, enough to help them navigate their emotions. Ask them open questions about how they are feeling (never start with “why”) to get them to name their emotion and what is driving it. Have suggestions on what they can do to dissolve the emotion such as journaling, going for a walk or meditating. Assist them in determining what that part of them that is experiencing the emotion needs right now.

Let the wounded person know how beautiful their vulnerability is and how much you value it. Show them that you honour their vulnerability and respect it via your own behaviours.

Remember the wounded person does not believe in them self and may question your sincerity. By being consistent in your positive words, actions and deeds you will create a wholehearted space that gives them a create references to believe.

Understand her Love Language

People express their love in one of five ways, this is known as the “Five Love Languages”. Not only do we express our love in a certain way, we also expect to be loved in this same way. Our love language is how we will gauge whether we are loved. Whilst we may use a combination of the love languages we primarily have one more prominent love language.

In a relationship we will usually have a different love language from our partner which often resulting in miscommunications of love. It can be like we are literally talking a different language.

According to Gary Chapman, who introduced the concept, by a slight margin the most common prominent love language is words of affirmation. This is based on the responses of 10,000 people who took the online quiz in December 2010. The full breakdown is:

Words of affirmation – 23%
Quality time – 20%
Acts of service – 20%
Physical touch – 19%
Receiving gifts – 18%

Here is the link to the official Love Languages website which has videos on the love languages as well as a quiz to determine your (and your partner’s love language). https://www.5lovelanguages.com/

6 Needs to feel Love

Men and women think, perceive, feel and appreciate differently. Which means they will respond differently in situations, especially in relationships and in being wounded.

When we understand the different needs our partner has, and by fulfilling those needs, we can help them to feel loved. When a person feels loved then they have the capacity and energy to love.

For men these needs are:

Trust – That he is doing his best and wants the best for his partner
Acceptance – By welcoming who he is (not trying to change him) and trust he will make his own improvements
Appreciation – Acknowledging the benefit you receive by his efforts and behaviours and showing you value those efforts
Admiration – Regard his with authentic awe and positive fascination (e.g. by asking his feedback and advice)
Approval – Recognise and look for the positive reasons behind what he does
Encouragement – Express confidence in his abilities and in who he is

For women they are:

Caring – Show interest in her feelings and her concern for her wellbeing
Understanding – Listen without judgement and allow her to be heard. Ask questions, don’t presume and don’t offer advice
Respect – Take your partner’s needs, wishes and desires into consideration. Remember important dates and rituals
Devotion – Remember to also make her a priority regularly. Make her feel adored and special
Validation – Confirm how she is feeling and validate that she has a right to feel that way, noting you can validate whilst feeling a different way
Reassurance – When you consistently care, understand, respect, devote and validate, you give reassurance that she is loved and will continue to be loved

Have Patience

Loving the wounded person will take time. They need to find that part of themselves that they lost in loving the “wrong” person. The wounded person needs need to build their self worth and realise they are enough. The need to feel secure and safe in order to trust in you.

The wounded person feels that they are too much to love and will unconsciously test this with you. At times you are likely to feel frustrated, which is understandable, yet find a way to dispel that frustration or do so gently with your partner.

To help you with having patience remember to take time for yourself so that you are “recharging your batteries”. Yet taking time also gives you space to have perspective on the behaviour/s. Remember people are NOT their behaviour/s.

Remind them

The wounded person will unconsciously be projecting others behaviours onto you, unknowingly making you responsible for what others did. Gently remind them how you are different, and with the actions you take (and don’t take) that show them that they are safe and loved. As well as the actions you don’t take

If appropriate, mention what it is you want from the relationship and that you are here for the long haul. Prompt them to acknowledge the connection that you have with them.

Loving the wounded person at times can seem too challenging and too much. At times they may seem to be too much to handle which can be frustrating. Some times this will be a test to see if you are really up for the challenge of loving them.

Whilst wounded people require more time, energy and patience and it will seem you are having to give a lot, know that once they feel and accept they are safe and secure, you will receive much more in return.

Remember there was a time when they loved unconditionally and had a lot to give, helping them reconnect with that part of them self means they will love fully again.

If you are feeling challenged by loving a wounded person, you may also need your own support. Consider kinesiology as an option to do this. For more information visit: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com

Speaking your truth is not confrontation

Leave a Reply

Most people consider speaking up or speaking their truth as confrontation. When it comes to addressing matters with others many clients say to me “Oh I’m not good at or I don’t like confrontation”.

To discuss and converse with others is actually not confrontation. Confrontation is a hostile or argumentative situation. If you are going into a conversation ready for “battle” then perhaps it could be considered as such. Alternatively if you are going into a conversation with the aim to resolve or to speak up for yourself, in a kind and respectful manner, then it is not confrontation.

Speaking up and stating your truth is more about you than the other person. Considering it as confrontation can just be a smoke screen for what is really concerning you. Underlining concerns could include:

being fearful that the other person won’t like what you have to say. That they will disagree with you or reject you;
concerned with your ability to stand your ground;
avoiding the discomfort you will feel;
de-valuing or questioning yourself and your needs;
endeavouring to be a people pleaser; and/or
the other person will react in a hostile manner.

Now if the other person has a history of being aggressive and threatening then your concern could be very valid. In that instance then you might need to consider the setting in which you have such a conversation as well as having a support person or people.

Whilst you have choice it is critical to understand the impact of not speaking up. Which includes:

increase of stress within the mind, body & spirit which is draining
disempowerment creating a lack of self worth, confidence and belief
others assuming what they are doing is ok and you approve
disengage from other people and become isolated
reinforce neurological pathways for fear which may show up in other areas of life
decreases opportunities for yourself and others to learn

When it comes to communication the words you use are a small fraction of the communication exchange.

The pitch and tone of your voice, along with the speed, rhythm and pauses you use to say your words can actually express more about what you are communicating than the actual words you use.

In addition your body language, as in your posture, pose, gestures and expressions, convey subtle non-verbal signals. Which can be perceived as either supporting or contradicting your words. In fact this component contributes to 55% of the communication process. Of course noting these percentages change if the communication is not face to face.

Disagreement or Rejection of your Truth

If another person is not willing to listen to you or to endeavour to understand your needs and what is right for you or if they react in a way that is defensive, often because their own issues have been triggered. It is important to remember what is right for you, doesn’t have to be right for them.

Also be aware that if a person isn’t wanting to support you in what you’ve had to say it could be they don’t want to change the status quo. Because it is more comfortable for them, or it best suits their needs, for things (as well as you) to remain the way it is.

Remember that people do things for their own reasons so if you can position what you want to change as beneficial to them, you have more chance of them taking on board what you’ve got to say.

Ability to Stand your Ground

There is a saying in sport; Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. So when it comes to standing your ground it can be good to consider what the other person may say so that you can more easily counteract or address it. In other words having a “comeback” for their possible objections or disagreements with what is being said.

Avoiding Discomfort

Somethings are uncomfortable, especially if we are not use to doing them. Speaking up is a skill and like any skill once we do it often enough we become more comfortable with doing it. At times too the discomfort we are feeling is a result of our mind and what we think could happen.

Address your discomfort of speaking up by starting small in what you bring up with others e.g. topics that don’t have big emotional impacts on others. Also when you are asked what you want for lunch instead of saying “you choose” or “I don’t mind” speak about about what you want to eat. You will become more at ease with having a voice.

For the more emotional conversations have goal for the conversation. Consider what is your ideal outcome from the conversation. This will help guide you in what you say and if you are really nervous just write it all down – it is ok to read from a piece of paper to keep you on track for what you want to convey.

Valuing Yourself

Placing value on yourself on what is right for you is really important. As such you are helping others understand what you are willing (and not willing) to tolerate. Questioning your truth, and the importance of it, is simply de-valuing your own needs. If you are doing this then it could be you need to work on your self worth.

A great technique for respectfully disagreeing with others and reducing resistance, is the agreement frame. The agreement frame takes uses one or more of the following templates to communicate:

I agree <insert what you can honestly agree with> also/and <give your alternative>
I respect <insert what you can genuinely respect about their point of view> also <give your alternative>
I appreciate <insert what you can really appreciate> and <give your alternative>

These frames endeavour to keep the person you are communicating with engaged and open rather than being shut off to your ideas and views. Thus creating a space of less resistance.

People Pleasing

People pleasing tends to come from a deep needs of external validation. They worry about how the will be perceived and deeply fear being rejected. The people pleaser tends to think it is their role to make every one around them happy, usually at the expense of themselves.

Pleasing others at the expense of yourself can be stressful and draining. Ultimately it can also destroy the friendship and/or relationship. Because when you continually disregard your own truth and what is right for your, you can become resentful of the other person.

Hostility

If the person has a history of hostile reactions then perhaps it is a discussion which can legitimately be considered as confrontational. In that case then perhaps a different style of communication other than face to face could be ideal. Alternatively consider having a support person to attend the discussion with you.

Remember your goal is to be assertive not aggressive. So using “I statements” can assist with this. In that way you are taking responsibility for how you feel rather than accusatory. Rather than say, “You’re so disrespectful arriving late for our lunch” say, “I feel disrespected and unloved when you arrive late.”

Speaking your truth and having boundaries around what is right for you does become easier the more you practice it. You also gain more skills at dealing with those people or situations that can be less than easy to manage. Remember to start small and keep building upon your skill set.

Self worth ~ The foundation of empowerment

Leave a Reply

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines self worth as ” a sense of one’s own value as a human being”. It is interesting that this definition defines self worth on how a person sees themselves when in reality many people base their self worth on how they perceive others see them and/or how others treat them.

Whilst self worth is an internal “job” only you can decide if you are worthy or not. Often we have internalised other peoples perceptions and judgements to become our own. When this happens we’ve just made someone else an authority on ourselves. When we’ve made them an authority we’ve basically said they know us better than we know ourselves.

Once those perceptions and judgements have been taken on board we’ve then given them “references” or connected them so strong with emotion that they become our truth and our beliefs about ourselves. Beliefs about who we are, our beliefs as to what we do and don’t deserve and what we will and won’t accept.

Most of our belief and neurological patterns occur from the ages of two to seven. At a time when we were unable to question what we were told, and when our parents are the most significant role models we have. Therefore the words they use (or don’t use), the actions they take (or don’t take), their reactions and non- reactions, all of which are teaching us and giving us conscious and unconscious messaging.

We then interact with the world by connecting with family, going to daycare, then school or even watching television. All of which we discover other significant role models, who also can have a strong influence on us. Reinforcing our beliefs or supplement our beliefs by giving us new ones.

All of which is at an age when we did not have the necessary tools, nor resources to test the truisms of what we told, taught or shown.

Whilst beliefs can be created from various other sources, it is primarily significant people to whom we consciously or unconsciously give authority to regarding our self worth.

As a child or teenager it is understandable that we consider significant people in our lives as an authority ~ because they usually do have a role to discipline, decide what is right for us and give us orders. Yet as we grow into adulthood we don’t realise that we are most likely continuing to give their voice a platform.

As we mature we bring others into our lives in the form of friends and partners. People who whom we hold in strong regard and thus can have a strong influence on us and thus whom may impact our worthiness or lack thereof.

I recall in college an English teacher who told me that my writing was no good. As she was my teacher, an authority figure, I believed her. The way she also gave me this feedback, it seemed to me, that I would never be any good at it.

However I love writing. I love the creation aspect of it and it is something that gives me joy. It is something that when I am in the flow, I do so with ease. However what I realised was there was a block to me writing, instead I’d find other activities that “needed” doing.

Whilst it could be said I was procrastinating, it actually was this teacher’s words unconsciously playing in the background. Because whenever I went to write I became aware I was doubting the quality of my writing and whether any one would want to read it.

Another example of where my worth was dependant on a “significant other” was an ex-boyfriend who cheated several times during our relationship. I took his cheating as a sign that there was something wrong with me for him to do that.

In order to build your self worth you need to have awareness. Awareness of who are the significant other/s to whom you have, or are, giving a platform to. A platform for their voice and/or behaviours to mean more than your own.

The next step is consciously to take your power back from them. This is done by our “Calling your Spirit back” meditation ( http://innersagisms.thinkific.com/courses/calling-your-spirit-back-audio ).

Alternatively you can take your power back by knowing you have choice as to what you do and don’t listen to. I do this by simply saying to myself “I choose not to listen to those words any longer. I choose to listen to my own”.

You can also take your power back by re-framing what you made their actions or words mean. Re-framing is a method used to look at things from a different perspective to view a person, experience or situation in a more empowering way.

Taking the example of the teacher. As soon as I realised her words were playing in the background, I made a choice to no longer allow them to. I also re-framed this by understanding that what I wrote didn’t mean her expectations. Whilst it could have possibly needed work, it didn’t mean what I wrote was all “bad”.

Also in the example of the ex-boyfriend. We had chosen to be in a committed relationship and he didn’t maintain our agreement. It had nothing to do with me, it was about his choices. I stopped making his actions about me and instead identified his actions as reflective of him.

Significant others can trigger the creation of a belief about yourself and your worth, however you will have been seeking out references to support that belief. To help release these references you want to question their validity yet also seek out references where the opposite is true.

Using the example of the teacher, such alternative references are the many clients who’ve told me how much they love my articles and how much they help them. I’ve also been approached by publications asking me if they can use my articles. Other references are the articles which have been published.

The more references you seek out that reflect your self worth then the stronger that belief will be. The less you engage in sabotaging patterns and behaviours, the more your self worth will increase.

Your worth is within you. Stop giving others the power to affect how you feel about your self. Go within and from inside out build your own worth. Be your authority on who you are and the value you bring. Do this by knowing yourself – knowing who you are and loving all of that; knowing you are not and loving all of that also!

Reclaiming your lost self

Leave a Reply

The self relationship is the most important relationship you have. It relates to how you treat yourself. Your self love; self worth; self confidence, self value and self respect. It is the basis and foundation that determines how you interact with others.

So it would go without saying that it is vital to have a healthy self relationship if you are to lead a happy, fulfilled and empowered life. As well as having healthy professional and / or personal relationships.

Many people have never been given the tools or foundation to create a healthy self relationship. And for many who have, or are in the process of building this, can tend to easily get lost. Which results in them loosing or letting go of their sense of self.

Whilst this can occur in any situation it is more prevalent in romantic relationships. And something I often hear is women (yet man can too) “I don’t know who I am, I’ve lost me”. When we loose our self we loose the essence of what that person fell in love with.

From working with so many clients I have come to understand that whether it is in a work environment, friendship or romantic relationship that when a person has lost themselves they become unhappy in the situation and often want to make change and move on.

Are you feeling lost?

The main things that contribute to a person being or feeling lost are:

Not maintaining healthy boundaries;
Putting the others priorities and needs constantly before your own;
Loosing sight of your own goals;
Contradicting your own values and beliefs; and
Not keeping your own commitments to yourself

Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are simply what you are and are not willing to accept from others. It is the threshold of what is ok, which allows you feel empowered, joyful, at peace and in alignment with your true self.

As boundaries are fundamentally what is, and isn’t, ok for us. They will differ for each person. Usually it is what we really need to say no to rather than saying yes. As long as your boundaries do not purposefully hurt another, they can never be right or wrong.

Boundaries determine:

the degree in which we will allow someone into our personal space, physically, emotionally and spiritually;
the nature of treatment and behaviour that we find acceptable and appropriate;
what we allow or disallow;
whether we are giving our power and energy to another; and
how loving we treat ourselves and how loving we can be towards others.

They really are the most loving thing we can have and implement for ourselves and others. Because when we don’t we ultimately become resentful of that person or place.

Priorities and Needs

Whilst it is healthy to take into the consideration of others priorities and needs, in all relationships it is important. However when it is continually at the detriment of your own then you are fundamentally saying you are not important.

Priorities can be your friends, clients, writing, reading, going to the beach. The things, people and places that contribute to your happiness and what makes you YOU.

Needs are what you require in order to live a healthy life or have a healthy relationship. Most people accept what is on offer settling for less than what they need.

Goals

Humans are teleological, which means we have a natural, inbuilt goal seeking drive. If we are not out seeking our own goals we tend to help and support others to seek theirs. Which often happens in careers and relationships.

Of course we can support others in their goals however not to the point where we put our own aspirations and goals on the back burner.

Values and Beliefs

Your identity, who you are, the choices you make and how you distinguish your self is determined by what your values are. Values are the elemental principles that you live by. They epitomise what is important to you and are closely supported by your beliefs.

They can be describe by a word or short sentence such as:

Courage
Integrity
Making a difference
Abundance
Gaining knowledge
Love
Success

From the ages of 7-14 you are in the “Modelling” period of your life. What this means is you will consciously or unconsciously chose a person or people to emulate and therefore take on many of that person’s values and beliefs.

Values determine your choices, your behaviour and thus the actions you do or do not take.

When our value systems do not match with someone else you tend not to like them. So in order to be liked you may change your values to match theirs. However when you go against what it is you values you will create dissonance (conflict) within your self, which fundamentally makes you unhappy with your self and others.

Self Commitments

Your primary and main commitment must be to yourself first. It is your duty and responsibility to keep promises you have made to yourself. As well as standing by your decisions.

This is not about being selfish and it is not about being selfless. Neither end of the scale are healthy. What is healthy is ensuring there is a balance between both. Because if you are not filling up your own cup first you will not have the required energy to keep yourself healthy whilst filling up others.

Primary commitment to your self means honouring who you are and who you are not. Being your own champion by supporting yourself; advocating yourself and protecting yourself. Much of which is done by prioritising yourself; ensuring you are meeting your needs; taking actions towards your goals and standing by your own values and beliefs.

Yet too it is following through on the promises, tasks and arrangements you have made for yourself. Not putting them aside because some thing of a lesser importance also needs doing.

Re-Claiming your Lost self

If you have lost yourself consider in what way specifically you have lost you. What is it that you have stopped doing that brings you joy and makes you happy? Perhaps re-read over the above and make notes as to how each of the five areas resonate with you.

What are you doing or giving your energy to (or perhaps who) that doesn’t make you feel good? Then consider what actions you need to take, what support do you need or what could you put in place to change this.

Consider, and remind yourself, who you actually are instead of who you are not. A client said “I’ve just got to accept I am insecure’. I said “With what I observe, you are one of the most confident and secure people I know.” Too often people have a negative sense or view of them self which is not a true perception.

From a spiritual sense reclaim your self by calling your spirit back. Whenever we interact with some one or thing we exchange energy and we can leave fragments of our energy. Calling your spirit back is a Native American concept to return your fragmented your energy which has been left with people, places and situations, so that you are able to be whole.

In the times that I have found the need to call back my own spirit, I have felt a shift in my energy and a return of inner strength. It has enabled me to let go of matters that were playing in my head and that were lowering my vibration. It has also helped me to remember who I am and embrace it.

Calling your spirit back is a very simple process and can be done by stating out loud “I call back my spirit. I command all fragments of my spirit left in other places, times and dimension or with other people and events to return to me right now. As those parts of my spirit integrate in my being, they are cleansed and revitalised, invigorating and renewing my spirit as a whole”

Many people easily loose themselves, even when they know the concept. In my observations both men and women do it; yet women tend to be better at it??!! Raising your awareness is a great antidote for not getting lost as well as creating habits that honour yourself.

Also it is usually a pattern that has been created in childhood and reinforced over the years. The goods news: when you reinforce a new pattern of maintaining your self so you are unlikely to loose yourself again, in time, it just becomes the new standard.

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with your the process to reclaiming yourself then consider kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Grieving – How time does not heal wounds

Leave a Reply

Grief is an emotion which is not only attributed to someone dying. In fact it is associated with any change and adjustment, particularly those of a major and/or emotional nature.

When a person is experiencing grief typically those around them (friends, family, associates) are unsure of how to brooch the topic, uncertain of what to say, or what do. One statement which is typically used is that “time heals all wounds”.

However after working with many clients and seeing close friends experience grief I disagree with this popular adage. To believe that time does not heal your wounds. Rose Kennedy was quoted: “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.”

Molecules of Emotion

Dr Candace Pert PhD, neuropharmacologist, stated: “A feeling sparked in our mind-or body-will translate as a peptide being released somewhere. [Organs, tissues, skin, muscle and endocrine glands], they all have peptide receptors on them and can access and store emotional information. This means the emotional memory is stored in many places in the body, not just or even primarily, in the brain. You can access emotional memory anywhere in the peptide/receptor network, in any number of ways. I think unexpressed emotions are literally lodged in the body. The real true emotions that need to be expressed are in the body, trying to move up and be expressed and thereby integrated, made whole, and healed.”

Time can either do one of two things;

push the painful emotions and memories down to keep them at bay so they are not fresh in your conscious mind; or
gives you the opportunity to discover techniques which makes it easier to navigate your wounds, grief and pain.

Which means those who are electing for option 1 (above) will simply store the emotions, replaying and duplicating their grief within the coding of their cells. Such information / wounding festers waiting for the “right” opportunity to bubble to the surface, which typically is at an inopportune moment.

Ultimately allowing time to heal the wound is a dis-empowering and unhealthy option. The emotions need to be expressed in order to be released. In having awareness of what the emotion is, we can name the emotion and therefore explore the emotion. This is how we move forward.

Navigating Grief

There are various techniques (see below) which can help a person to navigate grief. Yet the first step is understanding the stages of grief. Through her extensive research Elizabeth Kúbler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist and pioneer in near-death studies, determined the Five Stages of Grief, which are:

Denial

Denial is a conscious or unconscious to not being willing to accept the situation where the person can isolate themselves due to their refusal of the situation. It can be due to their disbelief that the situation is happening and tends to be a defence mechanism which is masking the person’s shock of the situation.

Anger

A person will use anger as an emotion to deflect from their vulnerability of the situation and it can manifest in various ways. They can be angry at themselves, at those close to them or those who were involved in the situation. Endeavouring to be non-judgement with those in this stage of grief and remaining detached can assist both, all, parties.

Bargaining

This is where the person yearns for what has been lost and is categorised by the “if only” or “what if” statements. It’s where we want the situation to return to what we knew it to be, to be able to go back in time and do something different so a positive outcome happens. Guilt is often an emotion experienced in this stage, as the person thinks of what they could have done and feel guilty for not having done it.

Depression

Here the person is preparing to bid farewell and is an indicator that the person has begun to accept the reality of the situation. It can be described as acceptance with emotional attachment and it is natural for the person to experience feelings of sadness and regret, fear and uncertainty.

Acceptance

Usually this stage is marked by a calmness and acknowledgement of the situation, recognising that this is their reality and thus now living with the permanence of the change. The person has re-adjusted to life as they now know it and are allowing themselves to make new connections and to enjoy life again.

Grief is a very personal thing and everyone grieves differently. The stages do not necessary occur in a specific order, nor is there a time limit or potency set for each stage. Also it is possible for a person to experience a stage more than once.

Tools for navigation grief

Kinesiology

Being a kinesiologist, I think it natural for this to be my number one suggestion for moving through grief. The main reason being because it’s NOT a one size fits all solution. Rather a kinesiology session is personalised to the individual as a kinesiologist uses the client’s own innate wisdom as to what is needed to shift and move through their grief.

Via muscle testing, a kinesiologist seeks the underlying emotion which is causing the imbalance or blockage of energy flow. Therefore sometimes it actually isn’t the emotion that you logically think it is. As mentioned previously when you can name the emotion (correctly) you are able to explore and process through it.

More information can be found about kinesiology via: What is Kinesiology?

Write & Burn

Scientific evidence shows that when a person writes they are accessing both aspects of their brain. The physical act of writing accesses our analytical and rational left brain as well as engages our creative, intuitive, feeling right brain.

By engaging both hemispheres we increase our innovation, meaning we are able to transform and transcend situations. James Pennebaker, a professor at the University of Texas undertook over forty years of research as to how journalling helped the individual to process significant emotional experiences. His researched demonstrated that by spending 20 minutes per day journalling participants experienced significant improvements physically and mentally.

Unlike journalling, the concept of writing and burning is that whatever you are about to write you will not be keeping. What I like about this is that when we know we aren’t going to keep it , and thus no one will ever see what we have written, we tend to get more honest on the page.

In addition to this the act of burning the page/s is symbolic and ritualistic. It takes the written page and transforms it into ash, something the earth can re-cycle for a positive purpose.

Make time for Silence

Research shows that silence has many positive benefits. Silence can be meditation however is not limited to that. Silence can simply be spending time on your own without distractions.

Benefits of silence is:

It helps the hippocampus to grow new brain cells. The hippocampus is an important part of the Lymbic system and is involved in the formation, organisation and storage of memories. It is also involved with learning and the formation of emotions.

Silence works to balance our left and right brains, which results in whole brain synchronisation. Thus neither our emotions or logic overwhelm the other. This assists the brain in the sorting of information, enabling us to gather and process information.

The positive impact to important body and brain chemicals. Such as Melatonin; known as the “sleep molecule”. It is known to is known to inhibit cancer, strengthen the immune system and slow down the ageing process.

Serotonin; known as the “happy” neurotransmitter because it has a profound impact on our moods. It is also thought to help regulate mood and social behaviour, appetite and digestion, sleep, memory, and sexual desire and function.

GABA; is known as the “calm chemical” as it helps to control fear and anxiety. It sends chemical messages throughout the brain and the nervous system and plays an important role in behaviour, perception, awareness, comprehension as well as how the body response to stress.

DHEA; which is known as the “longevity molecule” as it counteracts cortisol. It also helps lower depression, sadness and irritability. It helps increase our ability to deal with stress and reduces worrying. It also helps increase motivation and energy levels.

Endorphins; the “natural high” hormone. As they interact with the opiate receptors in the brain to reduce our perception of pain, similar to how morphine and codeine work.

Growth Hormone which sustains our tissues and organs, helping keeping them “youthful”.

Cortisol, which is one of the major stress hormones, is reduced. Too much can wears down the body (and brain). Destroying healthy muscle and bone, blocking the creation of good hormones. It can create anxiety, depression, increased blood pressure, brain fog, insomnia and inflammation.

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with processing through your grief then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

How all your choices are supporting you

Leave a Reply

Are you aware that ALL your choices, whether they are empowering or disempowering choices are actually supporting you?

To make a choice is the act of choosing between two (or more) alternatives. Choice then gives you possibilities of an outcome.

So when you make a choice you are simply deciding what is best for yourself in that given moment. However it could be in that given moment, you are inadvertently supporting an aspect of yourself which isn’t in aligned with your long term goals / outcome you desire or what is really important to you.

For example lately I’ve been choosing to watch Orange is the New Black (a TV show on Netflix). This choice isn’t a “bad” choice as it has supported me by having balance by giving me some down time.

However by making this choice I’ve also been able to avoid writing and thus “supporting” myself by not having to address a fear I have around writing. At the time I didn’t realise that the less than great choice (to watch TV) was actually supporting my fear.

This is true for many people, they are often making choices not have awareness of their known or unknown motivation behind the choices they are making.

Ideally you want to become aware of the unconscious (or conscious) patterns that are impeding or sabotaging you from what you want, kinesiology is one effective way to do this. As kinesiology bypasses the conscious mind using your innate wisdom to increase your awareness and thus expands the choices available to you to make.

It is also important to know that at times your choices will be made from habitual actions due to the neural pathways which have been reinforced and thus ingrained to become an automatic choice. Which means you will usually have limited awareness until after the fact.

When we have greater awareness around our choices, we also have a great capacity to take responsibility and accountability for them. Thus enabling us to create new and empowering neural pathways that lead us to make more suitable choices which long term become the new norm.

Increasing awareness of your choices

Goals: Are a key tool which enable your inner navigation system. They give you direction as to what you it is you want to achieve. Your goals can also be a benchmark by which you can gauge your choices, determining they are (or aren’t) in alignment with what you really want. Read more on goals: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/2016/11/06/goals-ignite-your-inner-navigation/

Self Awareness: The key to making empowering choices is awareness. When you are aware of what is driving your choice, whether it be an emotion, mood or re-action, then you have choice as to how you want to act and be. Without awareness you are operating from a habitual nature.
At the end of the day reflect the choices that you have made. What was each choice supporting specifically? Were they empowering or disempowering? How did you feel at the time you made that choice? What were you thinking about? What would help you to make different choices?

Journalling: Writing is a great way to get out of our heads as such and step out from the problem / situation and to see it from another perspective. Also journalling allows you to get raw and honest with yourself, which means you can acknowledge how the current choices are impeding you. Understand more about journalling with our article: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/2016/04/20/journalling-a-tool-to-aid-healing/

Often people beat themselves up for making “wrong” choices, however ultimately a choice is just that, a choice. There is no right or wrong choice, as every choice is supporting you.

However if you feel you’ve made a less than great choice, one which doesn’t support you, then just make another choice that does.

Riding the Self-Esteem Wave

Leave a Reply

Self-esteem is how you overall feel about your self. It does encompass your the value you have for yourself as well as your self-worth. Contradictory to what we have been led to believe, our self-esteem is not a stagnant way of being. In fact most people, especially women, experience fluctuations with their self-esteem.

Consider it to fluctuate like the ocean wave. When you are on the upside of the fluctuation, you feel confident, ready to take on the world; loving who you are, easily seeing your own worth and value. However when on the downside of the wave you will second guess yourself, having doubt and being overly critical of your self.

Such ups and downs are normal, in fact they are considered as essential as long as you manage them effectively. Dualities are every where around you; life in itself is with the duality of death. In fact dualities are everywhere, cannot exist without the other. The Yin/Yang symbol is one reminder of this. That dualities which are seemingly opposite or contrary are actually complementary and interconnected. Thus dualities ~ such as the ups and downs ~ are required to be whole.

The more acceptance you have that your self-esteem will fluctuate, as well as understanding it is normal, the more likely you are to minimise the depth and frequency of such “waves”. When you can “ride the wave” you are able to allow flow and surrender. It is in such surrender that flow naturally occurs as does synchronicity.

It is important to know and accept that when you are on the downside of the fluctuation (wave) this is when your negative emotions, baggage, “stuff”, things you’ve not dealt with are more likely to present.

What exactly are your emotions? “An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioural or expressive response.” (Hockenbury & Hockenbury, 2007).

The word emotion originates from the French word “emouvoir” which means to excite. As well as the Latin word “emovere” which means to move. Your emotions serve to motivate you to take action (move) towards things that excite you. Emotions also serve for you to take action in order to survive and thus keep yourself safe from danger.

Running from, not dealing with, or pushing your emotions away only makes them stronger and persistent in trying to get your attention. It’s the adage, whatever you resist, persists. Your emotions then control you, rather than you be in control of them.

Whilst it is important to take actions that build your self-esteem, it is also important to understand that the downside of the wave is an important time for you to undertake emotional spring cleaning.

When you seek to understand the reasons as to why the emotions are presenting themselves; by being compassionate and nurturing yourself you loosen their grip in order to achieve release and healing.

Ways to undertake emotional spring cleaning

Acknowledge how you are feeling and what it is you are thinking or focusing on to make you feel that way. Consider is this just a “story” you are telling yourself and what evidence do you have that it is a truth? and/or what could be equally if not more so true
Recognise what it is that you need right now and give that to yourself. Is it loving words of support from yourself? Is it time in nature? To go shopping and treat yourself? To take time out and go to the beach or to read a good book?
Grab a pen and paper and write. Consider what event, situation, place or person the emotions relate to and allow the words to flow onto the page, getting raw and honest with yourself. How do you feel about what happened? What has been left unresolved? What was the impact? What were the negatives? and what were the positives (yes there will be some)? and what are the insights you need to release and let it go?
Find a nice patch of grass or sand and stand on it barefoot. Connect in with the earth energy and imagine the negative emotions as well as anything that relate to them releasing from your body down through the soles of you feet into the core of the earth where this negativity will be transformed and transmuted.

When you can accept that your self-esteem will fluctuate and that this is normal, as well as be vulnerably brave to address and heal what you need to, you will find that you have greater distance in between the fluctuations.

Loneliness; a feeling not a fact

2 Replies

In reviewing various reference books and other sources there wasn’t a great deal written about loneliness. Perhaps it is because it is a topic not often spoken about and perhaps a topic that can be less than easy to address.

Two substantial ideas that in relation to loneliness is one, there are different aspects of loneliness. Such as being in a new situation type of loneliness or lack of close friends loneliness or having no time for oneself or too much time to oneself. Or the one I often come across in clinci is that type of loneliness when a person isn’t in a relationship.

The second substantial idea is that loneliness is a feeling not a fact. Considering that feelings are the reaction to an emotion, in the instance of loneliness sadness that is typically the trigger.

Consider what exactly are our emotions? “An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioural or expressive response.” (Hockenbury & Hockenbury, 2007)

It is interesting that emotions are a “subjective experience”. Which means that despite (at times) people experiencing the same situations, events, relationships, places, etc the interpretation of such WILL differ.

The reason people interpret information differently, and thus experience differing emotions, is due to the trigger of a conscious or unconscious thought / belief. So what is loneliness for one person is bliss for another.

Being a kinesiologist, I love the concepts we use from Chinese medicine. Thus it is interesting to draw information from this perspective. In Chinese medicine loneliness relates to the Metal element, more specifically the Large Intestine meridian. Meridians are channels through which energy flows in the body. They relate to certain organs, muscles, emotions and life lessons.

The large intestine also relates to other attributes as self worth, feeling worthy of love, fear of rejection, letting go of guilt and grief as well as self imposed isolation.

Delving deeper into the 5 Element concept of Chinese medicine the Metal element is controlled by the Fire element, of which the Heart meridian belongs to. Lessons of the heart meridian are self love, peace, richness, to radiate and acceptance to allow free flowing of energy.

What we can draw from this relationship is that when our heart meridian, or heart centre, is out of balance it will seek to dominate and draw energy from the large intestine meridian. Whilst there are various things that can put a meridian or centre out of balance typically with the heart meridian it is a lack of self love, forgiveness or acceptance of a situation.

The flow on result of the heart meridian imbalance is that it starts controlling the large intestine meridian. Such control causes the large intestine meridian to become deficient and thus doesn’t have the energy to flow appropriately. Thereby resulting in a lack of self worth, heightened fear of rejection and/or heightened sense of loneliness.

So what’s the solution?

As with many things there can be more than one solution and you’ve got to find what is right for you. Here are some suggestions which could work for you.

Exam your beliefs

Our emotions derive from what we are thinking and/or what we believe. We know that loneliness derives from sadness. So what are you thinking, or what do you believe that makes you feel sad.

Beliefs are a self fulfilling prophecy.

What we believe creates an expectation of what is likely to happen, this influences our behaviours (as well as how we feel) and then creates the basis of what actions we do or don’t take. In turn the actions or activities that we are doing or not doing will be the result or outcome we achieve.

This means that if you want to change your results or your behaviours, you need be aware of your beliefs to ensure they support what you want to achieve and who you want to be.

Positive / empowering beliefs are permission slips for getting the outcomes you want.

Learn how to change beliefs with our online course: https://innersagisms.thinkific.com/courses/create-supportive-beliefs

Self love

As we have just learnt from a Chinese Medicine perspective it is important to ensure that the heart chakra is balanced. A key way to do this is to love and nourish yourself.

The best way to cultivate self love is to know who you are. So list your positive traits, what is it that you love about yourself and what others love about you.

Now list your not so great traits, all those negative ones which you don’t really want to own up to. Once you’ve got your list now find the benefit to those negatives. What is great about those negative traits? How do they benefit you and how are they a benefit to others!

As to nourishing yourself, these are things or place which make you feel good. Maybe it is doing your nails, or going to the beach or for a walk, perhaps it is having a bath or just lighting candles. Whatever it is for you, start loving yourself enough to do it!

Another way to strengthen your heart space is to start each day with being heart unified. Place your hands in your heart area. This helps to bring your consciousness from your head into your heart. Now consider what are you (or could you be) grateful for? Who are you grateful for? What happened today or yesterday that you are thankful for? What makes you happy? or makes you smile?

Speak up

Many people who experience loneliness complain that they are always there for others, however feel that others aren’t there for them. In my experience this is often because others consider them to be strong and self reliant person, thus not realising that they too need support.

Therefore sometimes you need to speak up with your friends and let them know how you feel. Explain to them your needs and what you require from them. When clients have done this they have been surprised how much their friends didn’t realise they were needed and how much they were loved.

Acceptance

Consider the Yin / Yang of your situation. The familiar Taoist yin/yang symbol is a symbol which reminds us of the dualities in life, and that such dualities create the whole.

It reminds us that every aspect of life has an equal opposite. Such as male, female; sun, moon; earth, water; good, bad and positive, negative. One aspect cannot exist without it’s reverse.

When we see the polarities of a situation in equal amounts we become balanced about the situation, person, place or thing. It is when we are in such balance that we also are at peace about that and thus have acceptance.

So see the benefits / drawbacks of what you are feeling lonely about. Make sure you have more than 15 benefits and ideally 50. Also ensure that you have equal (if not more) benefits to help you shift into acceptance.

Have a goal or purpose

Rather than wait until <x> happens, start right now to live your life to it’s fullest. What have you been putting off? or what haven’t you had time for? Rather than be immersed in your loneliness use this time to achieve things for yourself.

When you have a goal it gives you something positive to focus on and whatever you focus on you will attract more of. It also gives you a something to spend your time on as well as give you a sense of fulfilment

Live with sound

If / when you are home alone, turn on the radio or play your favourite CD. Fill the void with positive sounds and vibrations.

One of the core concepts of sound healing is that a strong vibration will cause a weaker vibration to vibrate at the stronger frequency. Therefore the right vibrations and sounds can help to help restore your natural equilibrium.

Other ideas are:

Connect with others – Contact friends, family or associates whom you haven’t spoken to for a while.
Get out and about – This might include visiting people, going for a walk, sitting at your local cafe or library or even going out to social functions.
Be a part of the community – Consider a new hobby and/or learning something that interests you. You might join a local club or association.
Volunteering – Get the focus off you and onto others by volunteering. Its also a great way to connect with like minded people.
Consider getting or caring for a pet –pets are wonderful companions and can provide comfort and support during times of stress, ill-health or isolation. If you can’t have your own there are plenty of options where you can take someone else’s pet for a walk.

The key to combating loneliness is taking action. However if after trying these techniques you are still struggling with building loneliness then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Creating and Living with Resilience

Leave a Reply

No matter how much personal development or “work” we do on ourselves there will always be people, situations or things that happen which will stress, challenge and most likely upset us. Resilience is the one thing that makes a major difference to how well we “bounce back” from such times.

Resilience is the ability to adapt, overcome and rebound from less than easy life events and experiences. To be able to change and approach how we view and address such situations as effectively and beneficially as possible.

It has often been described as an art and perhaps it is, however I more so consider it to be a quality that anyone can create. Resilience can be described as a choice; a choice to rise beyond adversity.

To transcend the pain, stress and unhappiness to develop mastery over how something affects you. To develop a strong self worth and belief within yourself and your capabilities. Thus to know that you can handle anything that comes your way.

Benefits of resilience

Due to our personal history, influential people in our life and the environment we have been brought up in, resilience will vary from person to person. Also during our lifetime our resilience can fluctuate.

So whilst some people will be more resilient than others, most people will need to develop this trait. The most common way to do this is to experience challenging situations however there are methods we can consciously engage to help build resilience.

Individuals who have resilience tend to:

have a positive “self” relationship (self confidence, self worth, self belief, self respect and self love)
be in control of and manage their emotions effectively
accept that life is a balance of “Yin / Yang” (good and not so good AND there is good in the not so good)
have self awareness of their reactions in order to change them
understand the motivation behind others reactions and behaviours
believe they can influence situations
live in an empowered mindset rather than a victim mentality
seek solutions rather than problems
are effective listeners and communicators
develop networks and ask for help when needed

Building Resilience

As previously mentioned anyone can build resilience if they choose to. For some, due to their circumstances and adversities, they may already have resilience however they may not have acknowledged it.

So perhaps the first step is to consider and acknowledge where you actually do have resilience. What are those situations where you’ve been able to demonstrate the above traits?

Other ways to build resilience are:

Start each day with being heart unified. Place your hands in your heart area. This helps to bring your consciousness from your head into your heart. Now consider what are you (or could you be) grateful for? Who are you grateful for? What happened today or yesterday that you are thankful for? What makes you happy? or makes you smile?
Keep a success journal. For how we suggest to do this, read our article: Inner Sage Article – Journalling
Know yourself to Love yourself. List your positive traits and strengths. Now list your negative traits. Now what are the positives / benefits of those negative traits.
Redefine what perfection is. Know there is perfection in imperfection and consider this: how do you know that what you consider as “imperfection” is not actually perfect?!!
Nurture yourself, do something that is just for you
Connect with like minded people and/or spend time with people who make you laugh and feel good
Consider what is in your sphere of influence and what is not. Give energy only to those things that you can influence and/or change. Let go of what you can’t.
Learn something new. Not only does it help make new neurological pathways it also shows you that you ARE capable
Do something “fearful” each day. By doing so we are teaching ourselves to “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Each time building your confidence muscle that you CAN achieve things
Make a list of what you’ve been putting aside and do one thing each day
Consider the benefits or upside of a stressful / challenging situation, person, etc. What is the lesson or insight that it provides for you

Resilience is similar to Rome, it wasn’t built in one day. If you are serious to building it then you will need to commit to taking actions on a regular basis. When you do this you will find the easier it does become to bounce back from those challenging and stressful situations.

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with building resilience then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Building self confidence; A process not destination

Leave a Reply

Self confidence isn’t something you can buy off a self. Building self confidence is a process. It is a way of being which you create, or perhaps access, internally.

To possess self confidence is to have belief, trust, faith and an assurance in who you are and/or your abilities. It is an internal state about what you think, and feel, about yourself. Your confidence is fluid, which means it is a changeable state that can be dependent on: what is happening around you; how you process and respond to situations, people, etc and your experiences.

Building your confidence in your self gives you a tool you can draw upon to stop second-guessing yourself, to release doubts, manage your fears and to take action. Self confidence can be likened to a muscle; in that the more you use it the more you strengthen it!

When you think about things you do daily such as making a cup of tea, logging into your computer, making a phone call, driving a vehicle, or getting the bus, you most likely have confidence to do these things.

Remember that confidence is having trust, belief, faith and assurance in your self and your abilities. It could be suggested that it is not that you lack confidence however you are lacking acknowledgement of your abilities and that you can transfer this to other tasks or areas.

In my experience, confidence is similar to the four stages of learning. Which fundamentally teaches us that to be competence or perhaps confident there is a process we go through via learning and repetition.

Commonly I have found when asked what a person needs to do to build their self confidence, their response to be “I don’t know”. For some it is such a foreign concept and thus they don’t know where to start.

Here are some tried and proven ways to build your self confidence:

Focus. At the end of the day review what you achieved and/or what you did well. Place your focus on what you are doing, rather than what you aren’t doing.
Regularly recognise and celebrate your achievements – it’s healthy to do so!
Self Talk. Become aware of how you speak and what you say to yourself. If it isn’t positive “cancel / delete” it and say something nice to yourself.
Exercise. Go for a walk, run or to the gym. Yoga, swimming, whatever exercise that makes you feel good.
Posture. Stand tall, shoulders back and head high. Scientific studies show that posture impacts the brain!
Learn something new. Not only does it help make new neurological pathways it also helps show you that you can grasp new information.
Do something “fearful” each day. By doing so we are teaching ourselves to “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Each time building your confidence muscle that you CAN achieve things.
Smile. According to science smiling increases endorphin’s which in turn create positive emotions; including confidence!
Know yourself. Understand all aspects of who you are; what your strengths are as well as what you consider your less than great traits are. The next step is to find the benefits to these “weaknesses”. When you know who you are and love all aspects of who you are then no one else can affect you.
Trust your instincts. We all have an innate knowing within, learn to listen to it and have faith in what you feel is right / wrong.
Emanate someone who is confident. Consider someone you respect and whom you feel is confident. Identify what it is they do differently that conveys confidence and how you can embrace that.
Stop comparing yourself. When your compare yourself, you automatically put your self down and discount your own positive aspects.
Get clear on the things and people that truly matter to you. Create a list of the things or people you have been tolerating and then consider what action you need to take to either remove or minimise the impact.
Manual control. Disengage your auto pilot and be mindful about your decisions so they reflect what really matters to you.
Create an action plan. Be deliberate about action you will take and commit to following through. Ensure you acknowledge the actions and benefits so you can see your progress. It helps grow confidence and give self reinforcement.

Being confident isn’t a goal or an end-point that you reach and then stop. It is an ongoing and continuous process. Confidence can be likened to a flowering plant. It doesn’t flower on command, instead after being nourished via various ways it flourishes; over and over again.

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with your self confidence then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/