Change Archives - Inner Sage Australia

Carl Jung, founder of analytical psychology, said ‘The persona is that which in reality one is not, but which oneself as well as others think one is.”

His viewpoint was that the face a person presents to the world is a mask designed to make a certain impression yet also to conceal that which a person doesn’t want to reveal (often truer aspects of their nature). It’s interesting to note that the word “persona” derives from Latin where it originally referred to a theatrical mask.

Being raw with yourself means to go beyond these masks, to look deep within yourself in order to access and expose core drivers of your behaviour. Often your more vulnerable aspects which hide your true nature and authentic self. By accessing the “real” you, it enables you to rise above your less desirable masks, the parts of you which are less than desirable, in order make genuine and lasting change.

The way to you get raw is to ask yourself the “tough” questions, those ones which make you uncomfortable. The questions which, because the answers are so overwhelming, initially make your mind shut down.

However asking your self the questions isn’t enough, it is important that you explore the answers by writing them down in order to make solid connections. The action of writing enables your thoughts to become tangible and helps you to define your answers.

On a subconscious level it allows your mind to let go of stored information it thought it needs to keep a hold of and thus allow the room for higher consciousness and thinking.

It is the brave person who gets honest with them self and exposes aspects they have been hiding (from others and themselves). People hide things for a reason, usually because at a deep level to protect themselves. Yet when a person can bare and acknowledge the things they don’t necessarily like, then they can make significant change.

Unless you ask questions of yourself you cannot get answers. Those who ask a higher quality of question, will get a higher quality of response . Whether you are asking a question of yourself or of another, the right questions will lead to alternative thinking and place the focus on obtaining a solution or other possibilities.

Questions which can help you on the pathway of self discovery and change are:

What are the patterns in your life, where does the same (or similar) thing happen?
- From whom did you learn these patterns from?
- How would you prefer to act?
- What were the messages your to from the significant adults in your life? and how do they put you at conflict with what you want?

What are you not getting what you want in your life?
- Have you clearly defined what you do want?
- What do you say or do which doesn’t align you to what you want?
- Where have you compromised your values, needs, goals? What can you do to prioritise them?
- What can you do differently that will make a massive change and get you closer to what you want?

What are the behaviours of others which causes a reaction in you? What is it you don’t like about others?
- So where you do the same or similar behaviour?
- What do your internal voices say which causes this behaviour?
- What can you like or build within yourself?
- How can you have a loving relationship with yourself?

What “ghosts” of your past are impacting your present?
- How did you contribute to the situation?
- What was the learning for you of the circumstances?
- If in the same or similar situation, what could you do differently?
- What are you hanging onto, which is time to let go?
- How is this causing me to set others up for disappointment?

What fantasies do you buy into?
- How are these setting you up for disappointment?
- Take a reality check, What is likely to happen? What is factual?
- How does this fantasy stop you from making genuine connections?

Most of your behaviour, beliefs, values will be learnt or taken on board from people who have been significant in your life, as well as what we are commonly exposed to. In most cases our way of thinking and behaving are so subconscious we don’t have awareness of them until we get raw.

It is easy to continue as you always have always, yet once you know something you can’t un-know it. So when you expose your way of being, which doesn’t serve you, at some level you will start the process to reprogram these unconscious, automatic actions and reactions into something more self serving.

If you need additional support in exploring this more deeply; as well as shifting the blocks impeding you then make an appointment with us: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointment/

“Why…..” any question that starts this way is a justification question, whether we are asking it of ourselves or another, it immediately has the person (including ourselves) defending their position and/or behaviour. It doesn’t look to explore the situation, it simply seeks out reasoning and usually that of a negative context.

So recently when during several separate Kinesiology balances clients stated “I can’t understand why I’m doing <x> behaviour”, I started to wonder how important is it to know the why or is that line of questioning simply a sabotage pattern keeping them stuck.

Whilst questions can be a positive tool which can send our mind in search of new insights, such questions are more effective when they start with a pronoun that explores the situation or behaviour such as:

“how is this situation/behaviour of benefit to me?”
“what are the hidden benefits that stop me from changing?”
“how would I like to be?”
“what would it take in order for me to change”
“when is this situation / behaviour more prevalent”

Consider these questions versus “why do I do this?” and it is easy to see the difference in the answer that the question elicits.

In having a necessity to understand “why” it maintains a person’s focus on the current behaviour and whatever we focus on, we tend to do more of. Therefore rather than move forward, needing an answer for “why” preserves the status quo and impedes change.

Whilst questions which give insights to a situation or behaviour can be helpful, it is not necessary to have that insight for transformation to occur. When we want to transform ourselves there are other strategies that better empower us and move us towards what we desire.

Have a goal
Goals give us a destination in which to arrive, something for us to focus on and therefore direct our energy to. Ideally a goal reflects the preferred behaviour or situation a person desires and is more effective when written as a positive statement.

The word motivation is derived from the Latin term motivus “a moving cause”, so a well defined goal can move us to take action towards that cause / goal. Which means we are now moving forward, towards something important and the why is no longer significant.

Go Public
People who write down their goals increase their likelihood to achieve the goal by 42%, however when we tell someone else about our goal we increase that likelihood to 78%. By going public it increases our desire to succeed, because success makes us feel good about ourselves.

Yet too others, who love and support us, want us to succeed so they will keep us to task by checking in on us, increasing our accountability to the goal.

Identify your triggers
You may be already, yet if not, bring awareness to what triggers your behaviour or situation. What are the internal or external factors that activate and prompt this behaviour or put you in the situation you don’t want to be in. Sometimes it will be one thing or it may be several.

Once identified write the trigger/s down as the next step is to now create strategies to combat them. As Olympic champion Mark Spritz said “If you fail to prepared, you’re prepared to fail”. Having strategies 1. prepares yourself for how you can act differently when being triggered, giving yourself greater references and thus choices, 2. awareness of what people, places or situations to avoid and 3. to create and reinforce positive internal framework to minimise or cease internal triggers.

Care for self
Not eating well, drinking enough water or getting enough sleep are indicators of a lack of self esteem, unconsciously reinforcing we are not good enough. It decreases our energy, making us vulnerable for relapsing and old habits.

However when we care for ourselves, by eating life-giving foods, drinking enough water to be hydrated and sleep well we now tell our unconscious mind that we are worthy and deserving. At a physical level we’ve now given our body the fundamental stuff it needs to create energy. Energy creates the strength and vitality needed not just for the physical action yet also mental activity so our focus remains where we need it.

Start small
The best way to make lasting change is to make minor changes regularly. The change is gradual however not overwhelming. When change becomes too overwhelming it becomes too hard and most people give up. So do change in a way that you don’t even notice and overwhelming doesn’t have a chance!

Reward yourself
When you reward yourself for the positive changes you have made, the milestones you have achieved, you are giving yourself positive feedback and reinforcing that making the changes are worthwhile.

So rather than be pre-occupied with why you are where you are at, get busy with being engaged with where you are going and more importantly where you want to be.