Tag Archives: Courage

Flattening the emotional curve

Right now there is so much discussion, and guidelines, on how to flatten the curve. It is just as important that we give the same consideration to flattening the emotional curve.

One of the main reasons it is important to flatten the emotion curve is due to the impact our emotions have on our health.  Neuroscientist Candace Pert explains in her book, Molecules of Emotion, “As our feelings change, this mixture of peptides travels throughout your body and your brain. And they’re literally changing the chemistry of every cell in your body.”

Our cells are fundamental building blocks of our physical being.  It is at this level where our health and well-being is determined.    It is said that 95% of dis-ease is stress related. If our cells are flooded with negativity,  negative chemistry will result. Impacting your cells from performing optimally.

As described by Hockenbury & Hockenbury, “An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioural or expressive response.”  

This means what you are fundamentally in charge of your emotional curve. What you are feeling is right for you. Based on what you have decided something to mean for you. Now I’m not saying that what you are thinking is necessarily correct, your perception will be your reality.

Most people deny how they are feeling, especially when it is typically considered to be negative. Yet when you deny, repress or do not allow an emotion you create a neurological block. A block not only to that negative emotion yet also to the equally opposite positive one.

Typically considered negative emotions, used correctly are healthy, as long as you don’t allow them to fester and spiral into them. There is a big difference in acknowledging how you are feeling and spiralling into that feeling.

Dissolving emotions

First step in flattening the emotional curve is to acknowledging how you feel and give yourself permission to feel that way. For example it is okay to be angry as long as you don’t spiral down (or out of control) with your anger

The next step is to endeavour to understand the reason you are feeling that way. I’m a great believer in not needing the know the why in order to heal; however it can assist. So if you can’t work it out, that too is okay.

Then you need to ask yourself what is it you need to dissolve the negative emotion (or heighten a positive one). Making sure you following through on doing whatever it is you need.

Other tools to help flatten the emotional curve are:

Meditation

Meditation is the act of contemplation, reflection and/or prayer where you focus your mind with the intention of slowing down that thoughts will rise and choosing to not engage with these thoughts.  

It is the process of be-ing; in that exact moment in time, free of busyness and distractions, not in the past and not in future, just present moment.

Like any new skill meditation can take time to master. So be compassionate with yourself when you start – it may you take you a few times before you are able to stop engaging with your thoughts.

To support your meditation process, try giving yourself another focus, such as your breath or music. A great breathing method for getting in to meditation is the 4-7-8 method. Breathe in for four, hold for seven and breathe out for eight. It helps relax you by shifting your from Sympathetic Nervous system (fight / flight response) to the Parasympathetic Nervous system (calm/composed state).

Another favourite suggestion for beginners is to light a candle and place your focus on the flame. Closing your eyes and then bringing the image of the flame into your mind. When your mind starts to wander open your eyes and focus on the physical flame, then closing your eyes again getting that image of the flame back in your minds eye. Continue doing so for the duration of the meditation.

Also start small…as in 5 or 10 minutes. Some is better than none.

Thymus Tapping

In Kinesiology we use thymus tapping to overall increase your energy levels as well as help energetically increase your capacity and ability to cope.  In addition it is believed to energetically increase your immune system.

To do this tap on the centre of your chest where your sternum is and at the same time tap on the side of your body in alignment with where the crease of your arm naturally falls. Do this for approx. 30 seconds on one side and then 30 seconds on the other. 

Focus of Concern / Focus of Influence

Stephen Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People refers to the Circle of Influence v’s Circle of Concern.  Essentially it is about where you are placing your focus.  Are you focused on what is concerning you and getting bogged down by those concerns or are you focused on what action/s you can take to address what concerns you.

Focus of influence is about being empowered and proactive; to help you realise you have more power over things than you think.

Goals

Humans are teleological, which means we have a natural, inbuilt goal seeking drive.  If we are not out seeking our own goals we tend to help and support others to seek theirs. 

So having a goal, even if for the hour or day, sets your focus and intention on achieving something positive for yourself.

Journalling

James Pennebaker, a professor at the University of Texas undertook over forty years of research as to how journalling helped the individual to process significant emotional experiences.  His researched demonstrated that by spending 20 minutes per day journalling participants experienced significant improvements physically and mentally.

They indicated they were happier, more cheerful and hopeful and calmer.  Months after the journalling sessions their blood pressure had lowered, immune function impressed and overall felt healthier.   They also indicated their relationships had improved, their memory was better and were having more successes at work.

Journalling / writing allows us to step out from the problem and see it from another perspective.  Thus creating distance which can bring perspective about a situation.

Vitamin B & Iron

A scientific study from Japan found there is a significant correlation between panic/anxiety attacks and low levels of vitamin B6 and iron.

Serotonin, your body’s natural mood stabiliser and “happiness chemical”. It is synthesised in the body from the amino acid, tryptophan. For the synthesis of serotonin, vitamin B6 (Vit B6) and iron play important co-factors.

Thus increasing foods that are a source of tryptophan, Iron and Vitamin B could help improve your mindset. Foods that are a source of tryptophan are pumpkin seeds, turkey, grapefruit, tune, eggs, chia seeds, mozzarella sesame seeds and pistachios. Foods rich in Iron are spinach, red meat, lentils, cooked oysters, dark chocolate and white beans. Foods rich in Vitamin B6 are pork, turkey, fish, eggs, potato and bananas.

Protection

Just as you protect your physical body, it is important that we also protect and safeguard your energy fields in order to keep your energy clear of others energy and/or negative influences.

Energy which is not your own, especially when it is negative energy, can influence you resulting in stress, imbalance, mood swings, tiredness, lack of confidence, illness.  Such energy can actually depletes your own energy leaving you without the vitality you need for general living.

Daily we interact with EMF’s – electromagnetic fields which we can’t see yet are received with us.  Same too with energy.  When you interact with people, or even when passing by strangers,  your energy field connects or interacts with their energy field. This is why sometimes certain people can make you feel “off”.

Some of my favourite ways to protect my energy is essential oils such as Lavender or Frankincense, I also love the Resonate Essences Protection oil and I tend to use black tourmaline crystals to safeguard my energy fields.

If you found this helpful, be sure to head over to website for other articles full of tips and guidance.

Also if, after trying these techniques, you are still struggling with processing through your emotions then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology.  You can book an appointment with me via:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Choices

How all your choices are supporting you

Are you aware that ALL your choices, whether they are empowering or disempowering choices are actually supporting you?

To make a choice is the act of choosing between two (or more) alternatives.  Choice then gives you possibilities of an outcome.

So when you make a choice you are simply deciding what is best for yourself in that given moment.  However it could be in that given moment, you are inadvertently supporting an aspect of yourself which isn’t in aligned with your long term goals / outcome you desire or what is really important to you.

For example lately I’ve been choosing to watch Orange is the New Black (a TV show on Netflix).  This choice isn’t a “bad” choice as it has supported me by having balance by giving me some down time.

However by making this choice I’ve also been able to avoid writing and thus “supporting” myself by not having to address a fear I have around writing.  At the time I didn’t realise that the less than great choice (to watch TV) was actually supporting my fear.

This is true for many people, they are often making choices not have awareness of their known or unknown motivation behind the choices they are making.

Ideally you want to become aware of the unconscious (or conscious) patterns that are impeding or sabotaging you from what you want, kinesiology is one effective way to do this.  As kinesiology bypasses the conscious mind using your innate wisdom to increase your awareness and thus expands the choices available to you to make.

It is also important to know that at times your choices will be made from habitual actions due to the neural pathways which have been reinforced and thus ingrained to become an automatic choice.   Which means you will usually have limited awareness until after the fact.

When we have greater awareness around our choices, we also have a great capacity to take responsibility and accountability for them.  Thus enabling us to create new and empowering neural pathways that lead us to make more suitable choices which long term become the new norm.

Increasing awareness of your choices

 

  • Self Awareness:   The key to making empowering choices is awareness.  When you are aware of what is driving your choice, whether it be an emotion, mood or re-action, then you have choice as to how you want to act and be.  Without awareness you are operating from a habitual nature. 

    At the end of the day reflect the choices that you have made.  What was each choice supporting specifically?  Were they empowering or disempowering?  How did you feel at the time you made that choice?  What were you thinking about?  What would help you to make different choices?

 

  • Journalling:  Writing  is a great way to get out of our heads as such and step out from the problem / situation and to see it from another perspective.  Also journalling allows you to get raw and honest with yourself, which means you can acknowledge how the current choices are impeding you.  Understand more about journalling with our article:   http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/2016/04/20/journalling-a-tool-to-aid-healing/

 

Often people beat themselves up for making “wrong” choices, however ultimately a choice is just that, a choice.  There is no right or wrong choice, as every choice is supporting you.

However if you feel you’ve made a less than great choice, one which doesn’t support you, then just make another choice that does.

Courage

Courage to let yourself be known

Recently a dear and close friend recommended a book to me called “Getting to Commitment”.  I bought the book out of sufferance thinking to myself “I don’t have commitment issues”.  Well not until best friend laughed hysterically at that comment.

What I came to realise as I read this book was that commitment doesn’t just relate to a romantic relationships.  Commitment relates to partners, friends, children, careers and goals.

For me this book was, and still is, life changing. One of the many things that resonated with me is what the author refers to as is “letting yourself be known”.   To let yourself be known is to have courage to share your thoughts, feelings and opinions as well as allowing others to do the same.

Vulnerability

As a normal rule I keep my inner thoughts, feelings and opinions to myself.  Particularly when I am upset.  Recently, mindful of changing a behaviour that wasn’t particularly beneficial,  I beared my soul.  I was open and honest in a loving way about how I was feeling, however it still cost me what I thought was a close friend.

So when a different circumstance arose where a friend had, what I considered a skewed perception regarding a situation, I was hesitant to share my thoughts and knowledge.  I was concerned that speaking my truth would cause me to loose her friendship.

Ultimately as difficult as it was for me, I realised if speaking my truth (with love and respect) costs me her friendship, so be it.  Mindful that letting myself be known was a two way street. Hence I would have to give her the chance to respond.  I didn’t have to agree or like what she had to say, however I did have to (at the very least) respect her right to “be known” and be open to receiving her point of view.

It takes courage to stand true to what you believe in.  Your thoughts, your perspective and viewpoints.  It’s easier to be swayed by the popular vote or by the person who takes the more righteous stance or even by fear.

There is vulnerability is letting yourself be known.  Because in doing so you expose what is close to your heart.  Which means you open yourself to being hurt.  However there is also much empowerment in being vulnerable, because ultimately you are being true to yourself.

Nelson Mandela said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear”.  Courage is a skill and like any skill the more we practice it, the more it develops until it becomes second nature.

Shattering the Fear Barrier

There I was kitted up with safety gear and connected to our Tree Top Adventure at Yarramundi, NSW (near Sydney), trying to take the first step…I’m not sure why it had never occurred to me that our adventure would involve heights, you’d think the name of this adventure park would have given it away, however not once did it cross my mind and I found myself literally frozen to the spot.

I couldn’t move, the communication from my brain to my legs was blocked with negative chatter which was causing me neurological stress, stopping me from not being able to gather my thoughts.

If you have ever experienced immobilising fear then you will understand how your heart rate increases, your body temperate rises, you can’t think straight and your legs become jelly with no strength to move, feeling like you are stuck to the spot.

So there I was experiencing all of these symptoms, with my beautiful eight year old off and away making her way through the course.  Firstly I tried to coax her to come back, suggesting we go do the easy kids option, yet she couldn’t hear me (or wasn’t listening) .  Then I discovered, due to the way the safety gear works, once your hooked on to the wire the only way to get off (apart from finishing the course) is to call for the supervisor to unlock you…and in that moment there was no supervisor in sight…so there seemed to be only one way to deal with my fear and that was to face it head on and move forward.

The power of our mind is a truly marvellous thing and reminds me of a time when at the dentist.  Due to an abscess I required a tooth extraction, the thought of the pain involved with this procedure was so overwhelming for me that the dentist’s only option was to do the work with me “zoned” me out.  I was given a drug that relaxed me to such a deep level that I had no conscious awareness of what was happening.

A few weeks later I was back to have my teeth cleaned and the dentist commented how he couldn’t understand how I could have my teeth cleaned without any support (to zone me out).  I told him “oh that’s easy, in my mind having my teeth cleaned doesn’t hurt”.

What an epiphany that laid within that response, the key words being “in my mind”.

Whilst our bodies may respond physically, the fear of a situation (or (most) people, places or things) begins in our mind and we make whatever we are telling ourself so real that our body responds to support our thoughts.

As I stood high up above the ground on that wire, with limited choices, I acknowledged my fear and decided that being a positive role model for my daughter was more important.  In that moment I realised that what I was telling myself was not real, it really was False Evidence Appearing Real.   So I took one step and then another, and then another AND it was exhilarating.

The brain has a natural tendency to seek out negatives, inherited from our cavemen ancestors whom such thinking and being “on guard” was critical to their survival, however their amgydala response reactions which imprinted, are still inherent within us.

The emotional part of our brain is the amygdala, which regulates our fight or fight response.  It monitors situations and determines what our response should be and is often engaged even before our neocortex (rational brain) has awareness of what is happening.

In order to change this we need to re-train the amygdala and put in practice ways to calm the amygdala and engage the neocortex.   Here are some ideas that you can work with to achieve this:

  • Breathe
    With mindfulness and intention focus on deep breathing.  Breathing in through your nose, counting to ten, so your ribcage rises as you expand your chest.  Now breathe out slowly through your mouth or nose if more comfortable.
    This techniques gives your neocortex time to catch up with the amygdala and therefore give you a rational option for response, yet too it increase the oxygen in your body stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system and promoting a calm state.
  • Focus
    Change your focus to something you can appreciate or see as a positive about the situation, as it is difficult for the brain to experience two emotions at the same time.
  • Awareness
    If you can do this in the moment, even better, however afterwards is fine.  Consider your response and what the trigger was that prompted your response, because when we know the trigger then we can consider what a more appropriate response is to it and how you would like to act in future.
    To embed the new response you can use NLP Swish response or even a simple visualisation of yourself acting in the new way to the trigger.
  • Creative Activities
    Any creative activity such as imagination, meditation, visualisation, art, cooking, dance, singing stimulates the frontal lobes of the brain where the neocortex is located, making it easier to remain focussed and be in charge of our your reactions.
  • Regulating Fear
    This is one of my favourite bits of advice, to do something you find fearful (which is safe and within reason) on a regular basis.  When we do this we train our brain that it is OK to feel fear and to not be disabled by it.  We are also practising courageousness and creating new neurological connections.

Lastly I have found not only personally yet also with clients Kinesiology to be a wonderful modality which aids a person to bypass their conscious mind and re-align their neocortex (as well as energy centres) so they can more easily move towards what they want.

In the immortal words of Susan Jeffers “Feel the fear and do it anyway”.