Innersagisms Archives - Inner Sage Australia

No matter how much personal development or “work” we do on ourselves there will always be people, situations or things that happen which will stress, challenge and most likely upset us. Resilience is the one thing that makes a major difference to how well we “bounce back” from such times.

Resilience is the ability to adapt, overcome and rebound from less than easy life events and experiences. To be able to change and approach how we view and address such situations as effectively and beneficially as possible.

It has often been described as an art and perhaps it is, however I more so consider it to be a quality that anyone can create. Resilience can be described as a choice; a choice to rise beyond adversity.

To transcend the pain, stress and unhappiness to develop mastery over how something affects you. To develop a strong self worth and belief within yourself and your capabilities. Thus to know that you can handle anything that comes your way.

Benefits of resilience

Due to our personal history, influential people in our life and the environment we have been brought up in, resilience will vary from person to person. Also during our lifetime our resilience can fluctuate.

So whilst some people will be more resilient than others, most people will need to develop this trait. The most common way to do this is to experience challenging situations however there are methods we can consciously engage to help build resilience.

Individuals who have resilience tend to:

have a positive “self” relationship (self confidence, self worth, self belief, self respect and self love)
be in control of and manage their emotions effectively
accept that life is a balance of “Yin / Yang” (good and not so good AND there is good in the not so good)
have self awareness of their reactions in order to change them
understand the motivation behind others reactions and behaviours
believe they can influence situations
live in an empowered mindset rather than a victim mentality
seek solutions rather than problems
are effective listeners and communicators
develop networks and ask for help when needed

Building Resilience

As previously mentioned anyone can build resilience if they choose to. For some, due to their circumstances and adversities, they may already have resilience however they may not have acknowledged it.

So perhaps the first step is to consider and acknowledge where you actually do have resilience. What are those situations where you’ve been able to demonstrate the above traits?

Other ways to build resilience are:

Start each day with being heart unified. Place your hands in your heart area. This helps to bring your consciousness from your head into your heart. Now consider what are you (or could you be) grateful for? Who are you grateful for? What happened today or yesterday that you are thankful for? What makes you happy? or makes you smile?
Keep a success journal. For how we suggest to do this, read our article: Inner Sage Article – Journalling
Know yourself to Love yourself. List your positive traits and strengths. Now list your negative traits. Now what are the positives / benefits of those negative traits.
Redefine what perfection is. Know there is perfection in imperfection and consider this: how do you know that what you consider as “imperfection” is not actually perfect?!!
Nurture yourself, do something that is just for you
Connect with like minded people and/or spend time with people who make you laugh and feel good
Consider what is in your sphere of influence and what is not. Give energy only to those things that you can influence and/or change. Let go of what you can’t.
Learn something new. Not only does it help make new neurological pathways it also shows you that you ARE capable
Do something “fearful” each day. By doing so we are teaching ourselves to “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Each time building your confidence muscle that you CAN achieve things
Make a list of what you’ve been putting aside and do one thing each day
Consider the benefits or upside of a stressful / challenging situation, person, etc. What is the lesson or insight that it provides for you

Resilience is similar to Rome, it wasn’t built in one day. If you are serious to building it then you will need to commit to taking actions on a regular basis. When you do this you will find the easier it does become to bounce back from those challenging and stressful situations.

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with building resilience then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

It takes courage to stop the merry-go-round and honestly analyse our relationships. Those close interactions with family, friends, colleagues and our partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, wife and/or husband). And if you find yourself reading this it is likely that you are questioning the health of one or more of those relationships.

At times it seems as plain as day that the relationship is unhealthy. However there is a difference between unhealthy interactions and unhealthy connections. So if you believe your relationship can be saved, if you hold out hope that things will improve, here is a method for genuinely determining that.

The old adage “it takes two to tango” definitely applies to relationships. Both parties participate in the dynamic, thus there cannot be any blame gaming. In order to preserve themselves, one or both of the due will apportion blame to the other party. Making the other person “wrong” so that they can feel “right” about their own behaviour.

The first step in determining the health of your relationship is to take ownership for how you are specifically contributing to the current dynamic. Now that doesn’t mean that you behaviour is necessarily negative, however what it does mean is that whatever you are or aren’t doing lends to allowing the other’s behaviour.

An common example of how people contribute is by being the the “passive” person in the duo. They often participate by not speaking up and not reinforcing their boundaries. Check out our post regarding boundaries: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/?s=boundaries

Stipulating our boundaries is a way for a person to express what is right (and wrong) for them; what they are willing and NOT willing to accept. Such boundaries often include behaviours from your partner which are and aren’t ok for you.

This may be your contribution to the dynamic and if so take time to consider what your boundaries are. If not, then how are you specifically contributing?

Another common theme I have found with people who are in unhealthy relationships is that they often put the other person first and before their own needs. They give so much that they find themselves being drained and often to the point where they are depleted.

In some cases this giving soul feels obligated to giving in order to keep the relationship. They often have self sacrificed to the point that they have lost their identity. Because their needs are not being met in the relationship by their partner or by them self.

So the second step in this process is to determine the equality of the give/take scenario in your relationship. How much do you give in your relationship OR how much do you take? Is it even or is there an imbalance in this equation. Also what part of your identity have you given up to keep the relationship? What part of your soul needs to be reclaimed?

In his book, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, John Gray advises there are six needs that men and women need to be fulfilled in order to feel loved. When our needs are not being met we don’t feel loved AND we as our cup is n Relationships ow filled, we are not able to love to our full capacity.

The third aspect of this process is now to determine which of your needs are not being met.

Also which of your partner’s needs could you be mindful of meeting? If a woman in a heterosexual relationship, could you genuinely admire your partner more? Could you tell him what he does that you appreciate?

Once you have gotten clarity about your relationship in that you:

understand your contribution to your relationship’s current status
have clarified what your boundaries are and any behaviours that are not acceptable to you in a relationship
are clear on the amount of give/take that is happening
know which of your needs are not being met and which ones you are not meeting

you’re now in a position to make the changes you need in order for it to be healthy. So one thing to be aware of….

When the dynamic of a person and a relationship changes you may find the other party doesn’t like these changes. You may find that they impede the changes by refusing to participate or behaving in such a way that keeps the status quo.

This is usually because they feel safe with you playing the role that you’ve been playing. Most likely the way things have been makes them feel important and good about themselves. Communication plays such an important part at this stage. Explaining how and why things need to change, the benefits to them as well as yourself.

In the instance this is a healthy relationship your other party will understand and they will be willing to work with you to make the changes. It doesn’t necessarily mean things will go smoothly however they will be willing to try.

On the other hand if this is an unhealthy relationship you will find the changes you desire obstructed and they will show restraint. Now this doesn’t mean you “exit right”, what it does mean that you need to help your other party understand that you are serious about the changes and the consequences of such changes not happening.

If you go to this step, of stipulating consequences you MUST ensure you follow through. It takes courage to step up and it takes even more courage to follow through. However remember you would have given them a fair opportunity to change. You would have explained the importance to you of the reasons this change is important.

In the event you don’t follow through then it adds more dysfunction to the relationship. As in the fable “The boy who cried wolf”, the other party won’t believe you even when you have been pushed past your limit.

Relationships are about growth; either people grow together or they grow apart. If your current friend, partner, work colleague is not willing to grow with you and support you in your growth then know there is someone else out there for you who will.

When you are no longer willing to accept dysfunction and dramatic relationships you raise your self love and respect. You raise our vibration to let the universe know the type of relationship you are willing to accept. When you trust your self and in the Universe you will attract that person who is on the same level as you.