Life Coaching Archives - Inner Sage Australia

In reviewing various reference books and other sources there wasn’t a great deal written about loneliness. Perhaps it is because it is a topic not often spoken about and perhaps a topic that can be less than easy to address.

Two substantial ideas that in relation to loneliness is one, there are different aspects of loneliness. Such as being in a new situation type of loneliness or lack of close friends loneliness or having no time for oneself or too much time to oneself. Or the one I often come across in clinci is that type of loneliness when a person isn’t in a relationship.

The second substantial idea is that loneliness is a feeling not a fact. Considering that feelings are the reaction to an emotion, in the instance of loneliness sadness that is typically the trigger.

Consider what exactly are our emotions? “An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioural or expressive response.” (Hockenbury & Hockenbury, 2007)

It is interesting that emotions are a “subjective experience”. Which means that despite (at times) people experiencing the same situations, events, relationships, places, etc the interpretation of such WILL differ.

The reason people interpret information differently, and thus experience differing emotions, is due to the trigger of a conscious or unconscious thought / belief. So what is loneliness for one person is bliss for another.

Being a kinesiologist, I love the concepts we use from Chinese medicine. Thus it is interesting to draw information from this perspective. In Chinese medicine loneliness relates to the Metal element, more specifically the Large Intestine meridian. Meridians are channels through which energy flows in the body. They relate to certain organs, muscles, emotions and life lessons.

The large intestine also relates to other attributes as self worth, feeling worthy of love, fear of rejection, letting go of guilt and grief as well as self imposed isolation.

Delving deeper into the 5 Element concept of Chinese medicine the Metal element is controlled by the Fire element, of which the Heart meridian belongs to. Lessons of the heart meridian are self love, peace, richness, to radiate and acceptance to allow free flowing of energy.

What we can draw from this relationship is that when our heart meridian, or heart centre, is out of balance it will seek to dominate and draw energy from the large intestine meridian. Whilst there are various things that can put a meridian or centre out of balance typically with the heart meridian it is a lack of self love, forgiveness or acceptance of a situation.

The flow on result of the heart meridian imbalance is that it starts controlling the large intestine meridian. Such control causes the large intestine meridian to become deficient and thus doesn’t have the energy to flow appropriately. Thereby resulting in a lack of self worth, heightened fear of rejection and/or heightened sense of loneliness.

So what’s the solution?

As with many things there can be more than one solution and you’ve got to find what is right for you. Here are some suggestions which could work for you.

Exam your beliefs

Our emotions derive from what we are thinking and/or what we believe. We know that loneliness derives from sadness. So what are you thinking, or what do you believe that makes you feel sad.

Beliefs are a self fulfilling prophecy.

What we believe creates an expectation of what is likely to happen, this influences our behaviours (as well as how we feel) and then creates the basis of what actions we do or don’t take. In turn the actions or activities that we are doing or not doing will be the result or outcome we achieve.

This means that if you want to change your results or your behaviours, you need be aware of your beliefs to ensure they support what you want to achieve and who you want to be.

Positive / empowering beliefs are permission slips for getting the outcomes you want.

Learn how to change beliefs with our online course: https://innersagisms.thinkific.com/courses/create-supportive-beliefs

Self love

As we have just learnt from a Chinese Medicine perspective it is important to ensure that the heart chakra is balanced. A key way to do this is to love and nourish yourself.

The best way to cultivate self love is to know who you are. So list your positive traits, what is it that you love about yourself and what others love about you.

Now list your not so great traits, all those negative ones which you don’t really want to own up to. Once you’ve got your list now find the benefit to those negatives. What is great about those negative traits? How do they benefit you and how are they a benefit to others!

As to nourishing yourself, these are things or place which make you feel good. Maybe it is doing your nails, or going to the beach or for a walk, perhaps it is having a bath or just lighting candles. Whatever it is for you, start loving yourself enough to do it!

Another way to strengthen your heart space is to start each day with being heart unified. Place your hands in your heart area. This helps to bring your consciousness from your head into your heart. Now consider what are you (or could you be) grateful for? Who are you grateful for? What happened today or yesterday that you are thankful for? What makes you happy? or makes you smile?

Speak up

Many people who experience loneliness complain that they are always there for others, however feel that others aren’t there for them. In my experience this is often because others consider them to be strong and self reliant person, thus not realising that they too need support.

Therefore sometimes you need to speak up with your friends and let them know how you feel. Explain to them your needs and what you require from them. When clients have done this they have been surprised how much their friends didn’t realise they were needed and how much they were loved.

Acceptance

Consider the Yin / Yang of your situation. The familiar Taoist yin/yang symbol is a symbol which reminds us of the dualities in life, and that such dualities create the whole.

It reminds us that every aspect of life has an equal opposite. Such as male, female; sun, moon; earth, water; good, bad and positive, negative. One aspect cannot exist without it’s reverse.

When we see the polarities of a situation in equal amounts we become balanced about the situation, person, place or thing. It is when we are in such balance that we also are at peace about that and thus have acceptance.

So see the benefits / drawbacks of what you are feeling lonely about. Make sure you have more than 15 benefits and ideally 50. Also ensure that you have equal (if not more) benefits to help you shift into acceptance.

Have a goal or purpose

Rather than wait until <x> happens, start right now to live your life to it’s fullest. What have you been putting off? or what haven’t you had time for? Rather than be immersed in your loneliness use this time to achieve things for yourself.

When you have a goal it gives you something positive to focus on and whatever you focus on you will attract more of. It also gives you a something to spend your time on as well as give you a sense of fulfilment

Live with sound

If / when you are home alone, turn on the radio or play your favourite CD. Fill the void with positive sounds and vibrations.

One of the core concepts of sound healing is that a strong vibration will cause a weaker vibration to vibrate at the stronger frequency. Therefore the right vibrations and sounds can help to help restore your natural equilibrium.

Other ideas are:

Connect with others – Contact friends, family or associates whom you haven’t spoken to for a while.
Get out and about – This might include visiting people, going for a walk, sitting at your local cafe or library or even going out to social functions.
Be a part of the community – Consider a new hobby and/or learning something that interests you. You might join a local club or association.
Volunteering – Get the focus off you and onto others by volunteering. Its also a great way to connect with like minded people.
Consider getting or caring for a pet –pets are wonderful companions and can provide comfort and support during times of stress, ill-health or isolation. If you can’t have your own there are plenty of options where you can take someone else’s pet for a walk.

The key to combating loneliness is taking action. However if after trying these techniques you are still struggling with building loneliness then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology. You can book an appointment with us via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

What exactly are our emotions? “An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioural or expressive response.” (Hockenbury & Hockenbury, 2007)

Yet subjectivity is only one component of what emotions are. Hockenbury & Hockenbury also determine that an emotions also have a physiological response. In her book, Molecules of Emotion, neuroscientist Candace Pert explains “As our feelings change, this mixture of peptides travels throughout your body and your brain. And they’re literally changing the chemistry of every cell in your body.”

Our cells are fundamental building blocks of our physical being. It is at this level where our health and well-being is determined. If our cells are flooded with negativity, negative chemistry will result disabling the cells from performing optimally.

The third component is HOW we respond to our emotions. The word emotion originates from the French word “emouvoir” which means to excite. As well as the Latin word “emovere” which means to move. Our emotions serve to motivate us to take action (move) towards things that excite us. Emotions also serve for us to take action in order to survive and thus keep ourselves safe from danger.

Emotions Position description

Our emotions serve a purpose and have a job to do. The problem happens when our emotions become over zealous about their role. When they (as such) go beyond their position description and become over zealous. Such over zealousness creates imbalance and our emotions require “performance management”.

When we understand the message our emotions are giving us then we are given the key as to how to manage them!

So what are our emotions telling us?

Anger
Anger is often a catalyst for change. It gives way for the opportunity to transform and to take responsibility. Ask yourself: what needs to change in your life? what do you need to take responsibility for? what part did you play in the situation? how can you create more peace in your life? Action: Practice forgiveness

Depression
Depression provides an opportunity for a person to get to know themselves at a deeper and genuine level. If we don’t allow depression to take over, it is an emotion which can motivate people to deep and lasting healing. Ask yourself: what are the benefits of feeling down? how does this feeling serve me? what does it give me excuses not to do? what is it that I’ve been suppressing that I need to address?

Fear
Fear and excitement use the same energy! Although people tend to misread excitement as fear, thus sabotaging ourselves from taking action and enabling change. Ask yourself: what is the worse thing that could happen with this change? and what can I do to counteract that? What are the benefits of change? What are the drawbacks of not changing? Action: Do something small which you are fearful of each day. You build up your resistance to fear and create a habit of taking action despite fear.

Grief
Grieving occurs when the person has or perceives loss. Whether that loss is a person, relationship, home and/or job. Whatever the loss is grief is an important part of healing. However if we prolong our grief it keeps a person stuck in the past and inhibits them from moving forward. Ask yourself: how has my loss given way for new opportunities? If the loss is a person consider how moving forward honours them.

Guilt
Guilt is a very destructive emotion which keeps the person imprisoned and confined rather than feeling free. It is an indicator that the person needs to lighten their energy and release the burdens they are carrying. Ask yourself: what is the lesson in the situation for me? what is the lesson for other/s? Action: Go to a park and swing – feel the freedom it gives!

Jealousy
Jealousy is most often due to feelings of inferiority as well as lack mentality. It can also close a person’s heart creating resentment and limitation. Action: Focus on being grateful, finding the blessings in EVERYTHING. Also use meditations (or essences) which help open your heart.

Judgement
Judgement can be an indicator of controlling behaviours or the need to be in control. It is an emotion which inhibits the person from being empowered as they are putting others down to feel better about them self. Often when this behaviour is imbalanced it is due to being conflicted within. Ask yourself: What can I do to honour myself? and others? Focus on meditations which focus on trusting the flow of life.

Overwhelm
Overwhelm diminishes our peace and creates chaos. It often occurs when we are looking at the big picture and many things at once. Action: Focus on firstly prioritising the activities, then breaking them down into manageable chunks. Use breathing or meditation techniques to create centredness and peace.

Rejection
Rejection or more aptly put the fear of rejection stops many from pursuing their goals and fully connecting with the joy of life. When feeling rejection there is a need to release from patterns of self-criticism and self-pity to work on increasing self worth. Consider this: That rejection is not of you or your work. Rather it’s due to someone not taking the time to understand what you have to offer and as a result they have lost out.

Resentment
Resentment happens when we feel we have been unfairly treated or feel taken advantage of. As resentment continues to resonate it turns into righteousness and we fail to see points of view other than our own. Action step: Consider what the other person’s point of view is in the situation. Perhaps set up two chairs in one chair you speak as yourself and in the other you speak as the other person.

Sadness
Refer to Grief

Stress
Stress occurs when people are not living in the present moment. As it continues they neglect their personal needs, particularly the tension that builds up. Instead of allowing things to flow they strain to get things done, piling on more tasks as they go. Action steps: Use Resonate Essences “Present Time” spray or use our “Calling your Spirit back” meditation. What specific aspect relating to yourself have you been neglecting? e.g exercise, food, water

Unworthiness
When a person feels unworthy it is because they fail to see the value that they contribute to the world. They are often very critical of themselves and judge themselves more harshly than others. They give and/or allow others to take their personal power. Action: Define your boundaries; what is and isn’t acceptable to you. Ask others to list three positive things about you. At the end of the day for three weeks write down all your achievements, things you did well or that you wouldn’t usually do.

Worry
Refer to fear