Tag Archives: Sydney

Fear, Anxiety, Anxious, Courage, Brave, Fearless

Anxiety and Fear – friend or foe?

Anxiety and fear are interrelated emotions, using the same or similar neurological pathways for processing information.  Anxiety is the physical reactions that develop due to fear or stress.  Fear can result as a response to anxious cues.

Either way anxiety and fear have become quite prevalent and widespread in today’s society and way of living.  It is common, and even normal, from time to time to feel anxious and experience fear.  In fact fear is our inbuilt response to external stimuli that is designed to keep us safe.  Anxiety can help us to take action and to make informed decisions.

The problem occurs however when such feelings or physical symptoms are so strongly associated with that it becomes consuming and takes the person into a spiralling state.   So is fear and anxiety a friend or foe?

When we stop, deny or repress an emotion we actually block the neural pathway that also allows the feel good chemicals, and thus emotions, to flow.  Rather than stop, deny or repress such emotions we need to treat them as “friends” and dissolve them.

As previous mentioned we are naturally inbuilt with a fight or flight response.  The aim of such response is to keep us safe and alive, which is our primal goal in life.  So fear, and anxiety, from that perspective is extremely beneficial.  You really wouldn’t want to come across a Coastal Eastern Taipan snake and be courageous and fearless.

Yet too from an emotional or spiritual perspective fear and anxiety have a positive reason for existing.  Ultimately they are endeavouring to get our attention as there is a contradiction as to where we are directing our thoughts and energy with what is constructive and advantageous for us.  It is telling us we are energetically misaligned.

Candace Pert, a neurophysicist, through her research showed that emotions create peptides that connect / dock in the receptors of cells throughout the body.  Thus emotions are creating physical reactions in the body.   As noted before we know that fear often creates symptoms of anxiety.

So fundamentally when it comes to fear, and anxiety, we need our brain to be communicating more appropriately and in a way that serves us.  Perhaps we need to consider the reason the fear (or anxiety) is showing up and what it is endeavouring to get our attention for.

We know that the unconscious mind’s role is to keep us safe.  To look out for dangers and direct us to act in a way that keeps us alive and out of dangers way.  However often its reference of what is “safe” is based on historical data that is most likely outdated and no longer supporting or serving us.

It is also important to understand that as mammals we want to belong.  Consider mammals in the wild, their safety and ability to remain alive is dependant on being accepted in the group.  If not they are shunned to the perimeter of the group where they are more likely to be taken by predators.

So often our fear is due to not wanting to be different, and thus not shunned, by others.  So we act in a way that our “group” does (which can be family, friends, colleagues) and/or in a way that we consider they will find acceptable.

Did you know that fear and excitement use the same energy?  What happens thought is most people tend to misread excitement as fear, thus sabotaging themselves from taking action and enabling change.

Being fearful creates a misconception that we do not have choice, which debilitates us from making change.  Also it is likely the old way of being has been acted upon for such a long time that it has created a strong neural pathways hence why we often act without thinking.

Most of our patterns of behaviour are created in the unconscious mind between the ages of two and seven.  The way to change these patterns, and create new pathways, is repetition.  

What precedes change and choice is awareness.  Awareness of how your fears are causing you to act and disempower you.  Once we have awareness we then have choice to either repeat the pattern of behaviour or to create change and new behaviour.

We need to know that the unconscious mind will endeavour to keep the old patterns because it considers them safe.  This is the reason change can be less than easy.  However more you disengage with the old pattern and act in the new way you minimise and disempower the old way of acting.

Thus in order to address anxiety, ideally you would address the fears that are underpinning or causing it.  To do this you need to uncover what are the beliefs that create the fear and start acknowledging or creating references where the opposite is true. 

Everyone’s anxiety experience of anxiety is different.  Anxiety symptoms are real, headaches, dizziness, trembling, sweaty, unsettled stomach or nausea, feeling faint, shaky and breathing difficulties are a few.

What people tend to do is focus on the symptoms rather than them simply being a way to get the person’s attention.  It is also important to consider that your anxiety symptoms could be a pattern of how you are keeping yourself “safe”.  Thus you are unconsciously doing this because it is habitual.

I believe that emotions are not bad, they are showing up for a reason.  Therefore it is important to dissolve the emotion rather than run or hide from it.  So firstly acknowledge that you are feeling anxious and that it is ok for you to feel that way, as long as you don’t let it spiral you down. 

Next  bring awareness to  what it is you were focusing on, thinking or talking about.  For me I can wake up feeling this way and I’ve come to realise it can be due to a dream I was having or something I was thinking about before going to bed.

Then consider what is it you need in order to feel better and/or what is the solution to what you were thinking about or focusing on.

Another technique to help alleviate anxiety, in order to work on the underlying fears,  is the 4-7-8 breathing pattern.  This is a breathing rhythm developed by Dr. Andrew Weil, based on ancient yogic pranayama technique.  It helps to oxygenate the body which helps to calm the nerves, relaxing and centring the body.

Breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of seven and breathe out for a count of eight.  Continue doing this for a min. of four rounds and as you get more comfortable with the technique you can do so for up to eight rounds.  

As a kinesiologist I have seen many clients use kinesiology techniques to help support them dissolve fears and thus anxiety.  Helping them to be stronger within themselves.  The great thing about kinesiology is that it doesn’t use a “one size fits all” approach, it uses the wisdom of your internal healing system to find out specifically what you need.

So is fear and anxiety friend or foe?  Ultimately I believe it is a friend, one that can be “cruel to be kind”.  Just wanting our attention so that we are congruent within ourselves to create what we truly want and are capable of achieving.

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Kinesiology

Signs it’s time to see a kinesiologist

A Kinesiologist is an energy medicine specialist. Who places emphasis is on health maintenance, client education and responsibility by identifying the causative influences triggering health (mental, physical, chemical) imbalances.  Anything a Kinesiologist does, or suggests the client does, is to restore health, wellness and vitality, therefore enhancing the clients innate healing energies.

Whilst kinesiology is based on ancient techniques, which have been practised for thousands of years, it is a relatively new modality which was established in the early 1970’s.  Founded on Western philosophies such as Chiropractic, Counselling, Anatomy and Physiology it was coupled with Eastern philosophies such as Meridians, Acupressure, Triad of Health and Chakras.

A fundamental principle of Kinesiology is that the body, mind and spirit has innate ability to heal itself which, at times, needs support to re-align and connect to this innate healing ability.

Humans are three dimensional beings, so it makes sense to use a modality which works on all three aspects, which is what Kinesiology does.  Most modalities are usually only one dimension and in some cases two.  This makes Kinesiology regarded as one of the truly holistic modalities.

So what are the signs which may indicate it’s an ideal time for you to see a kinesiologist?

1.     You’ve experienced a significant loss or change

Any type of loss and/or change can trigger the grief process.  Also loss doesn’t just mean death, it can be a completion of any sort.  Changes or loss can be physically; mentally; spiritually and /or financially.  It may relate to the change or loss of a person; thing and/or place.  Whilst grieving is specific process for the individual kinesiology can support the person through this.

2.     Your over emotional

Many people live with negative emotions, accepting this as their “norm”, which results in them feeling less than great about themselves.  Such feelings may be anxiety, fear, anger, self-doubt, frustration, overwhelm, tiredness / lacking energy, feeling on-edge, sad or teary.  Many of clients have transformed these emotions and transformed their lives.

3.    You are feeling imbalanced

If you describe yourself as feeling “out of sorts”, not “like yourself”, out of harmony and/or imbalanced and don’t have a logical (or medical) reason for feeling this way.   You may also be experiencing stress due to life/work or imbalance.

4.  Your body is giving  you feedback

Our body holds immense wisdom and will give you signs that something isn’t being addressed and thus needs to come back into equilibrium.  Such symptoms may be teeth grinding, insomnia, shortness of breath (for no apparent reason), restlessness, headaches, nail biting, muscle tension or cramping, body aches, stomach upsets or related issues such as bloating, belching, diarrhoea or constipation.

5.    Your neurology is under stress

Signs you are or have experienced neurological stress are brain fogginess, memory issues, loss of balance, co-ordination issues, difficulty concentrating and/or learning, short attention span, disorientation, variances in your vision and/or hearing.

6.  Your internal well being is based on external factors

A sure giveaway that your internal well being is based externally is if you find yourself affected by what people are or aren’t doing and/or who is or isn’t in your life.  Other indicators could be that are you use terminology such as “s/he makes me feel …”, “they did …”, “<x> didn’t happen so I feel …”

7.  Your not living in the now

Are you living in the living in the pain / fear of what has not even happened.  If so it will be resulting in sabotaging behaviour. For example  Tora* wanted to be in a relationship, however she feared being rejected.  When Tora attracts Mr Right there is a 50% chance she may be rejected, however there is also a 50% chance that she may have a loving supportive relationship.    Yet before Tora could even meet Mr Right, she was already living in the pain of being rejected.  *name has been changed for privacy reasons

8.  What you are doing hasn’t or isn’t working

A number of my client have tried one dimensional modalities which, although have worked to some degree, haven’t really helped them shift.  However kinesiology is getting them their desired results.    Whatever it is you are doing, professionally or privately, and it isn’t working then kinesiology might be the right modality to help support your shift.

How to find a kinesiologist

To find a kinesiologist you can search the Australian Kinesiology Association (AKA) website via:  https://www.aka.asn.au.  Check your practitioner is Health Fund registered to ensure their qualifications are current and at the highest industry standard.

You can also book an appointment with me via this link The Inner Sage Availability.  Mention this article to receive a 10% discount.

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Overthinking

Overthinking doing your head in?

Most people will, at some stage, partake in overthinking.   Overthinking, or ruminating as psychology refers to it, is not in itself a bad thing.  In fact overthinking can have its positives.  However it is when overthinking becomes a daily practice then it has negative impacts.

Let’s liken overthinking to chocolate; chocolate isn’t that bad for you when eaten in small amounts occasionally.  It is is dark chocolate with no sugar then it can have health benefits. However when chocolate is eaten everyday and is loaded with sugar then it has negative impacts.

Same too with over thinking.  Overthinking can affect people in such ways as:

  • insomnia
  • exhaustion / low energy
  • poor memory
  • pessimistic and negative attitude
  • inaction / lost opportunities
  • guilt, anxiety and depression
  • stomach issues
  • tension and stress
  • lack of or low self confidence
  • addiction or addictive behaviour
  • impaired problem solving
  • distortion of information leading to inaccurate perceptions

Overthinking is something which typically happens as we get older.  Young children don’t overthink matters, in fact as parents we spend a lot of time trying to teach them to do so.  Young children hold the world in wonder and they are often in the moment, be-ing.

As our children enter school their beautiful, curious, child-like brain becomes jam packed with knowledge and information.   Sir Kenneth Robinson, an international adviser on education, says “we educate people out of their creativity”.

He suggests that not only do we educate our children with knowledge, they also learn the stigmatisation of failure, the linear goal of getting a job done and the fear of being wrong.  Thus their uninhibited creativity becomes restricted.

This fear of failure and/or being “wrong” in general contributes to the reason some people overthink.  Another contribution is the amount of information we have at hand which means we are bombarded with choices.

Whilst it is important to understand what options we have, particularly when making decisions, too much choice can be overwhelming.  Our decision-making process is hindered and we can become enervated and debilitated.

If you are an overthinker, please be easy on yourself.  Apparently the brain is wired in such a way that overthinking is a natural tendency.  Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema explains “the organization of our brains sets us up for over-thinking”.  This is because our memories and thoughts are not compartmentalised, rather they are interwoven in intricate networks of associations.

Nolen-Hoeksema says “When you are in a bad mood of some type—depressed, anxious, just altogether upset—your bad mood tends to trigger a cascade of thoughts associated with your mood. These thoughts may have nothing to do with the incident that put you into a bad mood in the first place”

Furthermore, when a person is feeling negative they are more likely to focus on negative matters as well as create negative connections, which may not actually exist.  Like any habit, the more a person does this and engages in overthinking, the more likely they will do so in the future.

Mark Nepo said “No amount of thinking is going to stop you from thinking” so in order to break the overthinking habit you need to consider actions which aren’t engaging your thought processes.   You also want to consider actions which will create the positive neural pathways which allow you to access your “sensible” brain; the neocortex.  Actions such as:

  1.  Breathing.  Fear + Oxygen = Excitement
  2.  Meditate regularly (and at least several times per week)
  3.  Instead of talking it over, try writing!  Writing gives us a different perspective
  4.  Practice mindfulness; be-ing in the present moment
  5.  Trust in yourself to handle whatever happens as well as trust in the Universe to only do what is best for you
  6.  Exercise; get moving!
  7.  Thoughts create reality; what are your thoughts creating?
  8.  Get creative; try colouring in, drawing, painting and/or pottery
  9.  Build your spontaneity muscle; it builds your capacity to cope with the unknown
  10.   Know that a choice is just a choice; if your choice doesn’t work out you simply just make another choice
  11.  Feel where in your body your overthinking is affecting you most.  Speak to that part of you and ask what it needs.  Then bring in “sun” vibration ; vitality, illumination, power, energising, happiness and increase will.  Let the sun energy soak into your mind and then into that area releasing what you’ve been thinking about
  12.  STOP IT!  Make a conscious choice not to engage in over thinking.

 

There isn’t a switch which we can access to stop overthinking, however it is a pattern or habit which with a little effort you can change.

If after reading this you feel you need additional support with overthinking then consider kinesiology as an option.  You can find more information on our website.

 

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness – its not an art, its a necessity

I understand first hand how challenging it can be to practice forgiveness.  Many years ago I found myself in the Family Court system.  Being in the “system” for approximately 4 1/2 years, and over $150,000 later, it was a constant test of my resilience as well as my ability to forgive.

I’ve been told that I am fair and honest in how I present what happened during that time and that whilst I can easily justify self-righteous anger, blame, and resentment, I came to realise that such a position only kept me connected to, and as a victim, of the other party.

In choosing to let go of destructive emotions such as anger, blame and resentment you free yourself from being chained to your “perpetrator”.  Forgiveness is the ultimate act of love; not for the other person yet for yourself.  When you free yourself, you can genuinely move forward in your life.

Anger, blame and resentment can be destructive emotions.  These strong emotions trigger the body’s fight, flight or freeze response, which in turn activates the adrenal gland hormones of cortisol and adrenaline.   Short term your body is designed to cope with these hormones, however longer term such hormones can hamper almost every bodily system and process.

Forgiveness cultivates love, peace, compassion; it is one of the best forms of self care and nurturing that you can do.  These productive emotions generate oxytocin in the body which is known as the comfort and trust hormone.  It counteracts cortisol.  Thus love, peace and compassion have both mentally and physical benefits.

Forgiveness does not mean you deny, excuse, condone or forget the seriousness you hold over the offence of what happened or the behaviour of the other person.   What it does mean is that you make a conscious and deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or anger despite whether the person (or people) deserve your forgiveness.

Rarely will forgiveness happen overnight, it is a process.  Brene Brown states “In order for forgiveness to happen, something has to die. Forgiveness is so difficult for this reason, because it involves death and grief. The death, or ending, that forgiveness necessitates, comes in many shapes and forms. We may need to bury our expectations , or maybe our dreams about something. But whatever it is, it has to die. It has to be grieved. Forgiveness is not forgetting or walking away from accountability, or condoning a hurtful act. It is the process of taking back and healing our lives, so that we can truly live. So the question then becomes: What has to end or die so that we can experience a rebirth in our relationships?”   So for this process to happen you have to be willing to accept the ending of something or someone as you knew it.

In my situation I had to let go of the person as I knew him and with whom I had fallen in love with.  I also had to release the person I had become to get through that period in my life.  It was was imperative that I accept that life as I had known it would never be the same – not that that was necessarily a bad thing.

When we consider forgiveness from this perspective it becomes a process likened to the grief cycle.  Which means in order to get to forgiveness we will go through the various stages of grief which is: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Five stages of grief – Elisabeth Kübler Ross

EKR stage Interpretation
1 – Denial Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, relating to the situation concerned.   Typically it is  a defence mechanism and as is a legitimate part of the process.  For some, they will become stuck in this stage particularly when dealing with a devastating or traumatic change.  Noting usually such a change which cannot be avoided indefinitely.
2 – Anger

 

Anger often manifests in various ways.  People may become angry with themselves, and/or with others, and/or with “God”.
3 – Bargaining

 

Bargaining is a way to avoid the cause of grief.  Some people will attempt to bargain or seek a compromise with “God” and/or another person.  Such as “if you do <x> then I’ll do <x>”
4 – Depression This stage is a step towards acceptance yet with emotional attachment. It can be the range of emotions from sadness and regret to fear and uncertainty.  The person recognises the mortality of the situation and has begun to accept the reality of what is.
5 – Acceptance In this stage the person has realised that they will be ok.  The person tends to have a more calm and retrospective view.  They typically will have stabilised their emotions to some level embraced what now is.

When we process grief we need to embrace an essence of vulnerability.  Brene Brown states: “Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”

Steps to Forgiveness  

As the title of this article states, forgiveness is not an art as so many people put it.  It really is a necessity for you to live an empowered life and to live in the present moment.

Consider one or all of the following methods for  you to let go.

Honour how you feel

Your emotions exist for a reason and have a role to play, so honouring how you feel is important.  Its OK to feel sad, angry, hurt, etc, noting there is a fine balance between acknowledging how you feel and being engulfed by your emotions (particularly the negative emotions).

Once you’ve acknowledged how  you feel then consider what are these emotions endeavouring to tell you, what is it that you need for that emotion to discontinue.

Take responsibility

By being upset over what someone else has done is shifting the responsibility off yourself and placing you in the mode of blame.  There are two sides to the equation and when you sit on the blame side of the equation you are being a victim.

By taking responsibility you acknowledge how you contributed to the situation and the part you had to play in what occurred.  You then become empowered.

Contemplate the benefits

As the Yin / Yang symbol reminds us, duality exists in everything.  Including the situation around which you need to find forgiveness.  What this means is that it is not all “negative or bad” and as much as there will be drawbacks to what happened, there will also be benefits.

So consider what are the benefits of what happened?  How was it advantageous?  For you and perhaps for another?  Where can you find blessings (or possible blessings) of the situation?

Cultivate empathy

There is a saying in Eastern philosophy which translate states:  If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves.  Thus it is much satisfying being kind than being right.

Empathy at its core is understanding the perspective of another; letting go of judgement; recognising the emotion of another as well as communicating it.  Empathy is about connection with others, rather than driving them away.  Whether that connection be with the person / people you are forgiving or others around you.

However empathy is also about connection with yourself and finding your inner peace, so that you can attract more of that rather than attracting more discord.

What will “die” when you forgive

Consider what will cease being once you forgive.  What is it you are going to have to stop or let go of?  At times we become attached to a “role” or way of being that we don’t know who we are without it.  It also means that once we forgive we have to take responsibility.

So think about what will “die” off once your forgive.  It could be that when you no longer hold anger so you have no justification of your dislike for another?  Perhaps you’ll have to cease the victim role who is chasing an apology from the other person.  It could be that you no longer have justification of why you are where you are in life.

Be water-like and flow

One of my most favourite Eastern philosophies is:  Bu tong ze tong, Tong ze bu tong, which translates: If there is no free flow, there is pain; if there is free flow, there is no pain.

When we allow ourselves to be like water we are fluid and adaptable to what is going on around us.  We learn from previous experiences and life flows without pain.  Water-like means we can re-shape ourselves and to move along with life.

Forgiveness in inherently a selfish act.  To forgive is primarily for your own health and well being.  The bonus is that those around you, whom you love and care about, fundamentally benefit too.

As a kinesiologist I understand that at times our body holds onto “stuff” (yep technical term) making it less than easy to let go.  If, after reading this article, you are still finding it difficult to let go then make an appointment to see us:

 http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointment-randwick/

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Fear

Stop creating what you fear

One of the things I love about being a kinesiologist is helping my clients observe their behaviours, beliefs and thoughts.  Awareness being the key to change.   Until recently I hadn’t realised just how many people are creating the very thing they fear.

Client after client, no matter what they were working on, were sabotaging themselves from achieving their goals because inadvertently they were manifesting the very thing they feared happening.  This meant instead of the “fear” maybe happening they had created it to happen.

Sam* wanted to be in a relationship, however she feared being rejected.  Now when Sam attracts Mr Right there is a 50% chance she may be rejected, however there is also a 50% chance that she may have a loving supportive relationship.    Yet before Sam could even meet Mr Right, she was already living in the pain of being rejected.

Evie* wanted to let go and be accepting, however she feared not being in control.  When we looked at this in depth because she couldn’t let go it caused her additional work.  This caused her frustration and resulted in her loosing her temper – she lost control.  So not letting go ultimately caused what she feared.

Why would people do this?

In all of the examples I have where clients were doing this, they actually weren’t aware they were doing it.  Many people are so busy in their days to days lives they don’t have (or make) the time for self awareness.  And many people when they are self aware don’t have the tools to shift or change their habit, belief and/or pattern.

Focus

What we focus on, consciously or unconsciously, is what we attract.  Even if what we are focusing on isn’t beneficial for us.

Defensive driving instructors advise that if you are in a car accident focus on where you want / need the car to go.  Do not look at the wall or tree that may be near.  The reasons for this is because your actions are more likely to support you in taking the car in the direction you are looking at.

So too in life, wherever we put our energy (which is what we think about, talk about and look at) will determine our actions and behaviours.  In all the examples I have people had been focusing on what they didn’t want to be instead of what actually could be.  As soon as they realised this it opened them up to different, and positive, possibilities.

Beliefs

Beliefs are one of the most powerful directive forces in our lives. They are generalisations that we have of ourselves and the world around us, which become the principles that we chose to live by.  Simplified, beliefs are what we consider to be true and therefore create and shape our reality – our map of the world which we consider to be real.

Beliefs are a self fulfilling prophecy.

What we believe creates an expectation of what is likely to happen, this influences our behaviours (as well as how we feel) and then creates the basis of what actions we do or don’t take. In turn the actions or activities that we are doing or not doing will be the result or outcome we achieve.

This means that if you want to change your results or your behaviours, you need be aware of your beliefs to ensure they support what you want to achieve and who you want to be.

Positive / empowering beliefs are permission slips for getting the outcomes you want.

Amygdala response

Fear is programmed in our genetic coding from the time of our prehistoric relatives.  At a time when it was vital for them to respond effectively to physical and emotional dangers.  Our Prehistoric ancestors needed fear in order to protect themselves from legitimate threats.

In this day and age whilst threats exist, we no longer need to be on such high alert.  However without the reprogramming of the amygdala we still have a safe hold on this response.

Changing the pattern

Do Fear Daily

When you do something you fear, you are in fact practising courage.  The more fearful things you do the more you train your brain not to let fear stop you.  It’s kind of like building a muscle, yet in this case you are building your courage muscle.

So each and every day do something you fear (which is safe and within reason).  Whilst it might not be the very thing you fear, it is inadvertently helping you to choose to act in the right way with any fear.

Change Focus

To change your focus you just need bring awareness to what you are placing your attention to.  This can be done by being mindful of how you are feeling.  If you aren’t feeling good then it is likely you are thinking about something which isn’t serving you.

You can also change your focus on a subject by considering:

  • What is great about the <issue> right now?
  • What are the benefit of <issue>?
  • What is going well in life?
  • What makes you happy?
  • What can I do today that will support what I need?
Change your beliefs

Commonly it is thought that our beliefs have a hold on us when in fact we have a hold on them. The first step to changing beliefs is the desire to let them go.

Negative beliefs are any thoughts, feelings you have which don’t support you in getting what you want. These are the ones you want to dispel….I’ve just seen this word in such a different way DIS-SPEL which reminded me of this quote:

Consider the topic which you want to examine your beliefs about. Write down all your thoughts about that topic. You could also bring awareness to what you say to yourself about this topic and/or what do you say to others.

When / if you have any negative feelings arising when you think about or doing this topic, consider what you were thinking to cause that feeling.

Two negatives make a positive, so now is time to negate the negative!  The way in which you do this is to disturb the references that are supporting the beliefs.  To do this question your beliefs:

  • What does that mean to you to believe that? How does it serve you?
  • Where and when did you start believing that?
  • What will happen if you change this belief?
  • What are the benefits of not solving your belief?
  • What are the consequences of continuing to believe that?
  • What examples/references do you have where the opposite is true?
  • What belief is equally if not more so true?
Train your amygdala

The pre-frontal cortex is the part of our brain which holds the key to our executive functions such as:  reasoning, problem solving, innovative, understanding and perception, impulsion,  creativity and perseverance.    Functions that help us think before we act.

The amygdala in fact is the opposite, it often cause emotive reactions.  However the pre-frontal cortex has dynamic inhibitory circuits which mute and still the amygdala.

Ways to strengthen the pre-frontal cortex are:

  • Meditation
  • Stay positive and away from negative drama
  • Play memory games
  • Learn something new such as juggling or another language
  • Get adequate sleep
  • Kinesiology!

By being aware of habit this you can start living in the now.  When you live in the now you have an improved probability to creating what you really desire!

If you would like additional support to creating what you desire then consider an appointment with one of our skilled kinesiologists.  Use this link to schedule an appointment now:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

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Self Relationship

Transforming your self relationship

A few years ago I was in a relationship that wasn’t supportive of me.   I was unsupported as to who I am, what I believe in, my wants and needs as well as what I wanted to achieve.  It wasn’t long before I realised that I was, and very quickly, loosing my own identity.

I found myself terribly unhappy and waking up with anxiety on most days; which drained my energy leaving me tired and lethargic.  I also found that I was loosing my confidence and thus not trusting my decisions or ability to make decisions.

My relationship with my-self began to diminish.  My self worth decreased as did my self love and self respect.  Resulting in me almost sabotaging the very things that were and are important to me.   Luckily I was studying kinesiology at the time and despite my conscious mind not wanting to see certain things, thank body my did and revealed the stresses and impact they were having on me.

Alchemy derives from the Greek word khemeia which means “art of transmuting metals.”  The Alchemist’s vocation was mainly two things:  1. transforming base metals into gold; and 2. seeking the elixir of life.  Such an elixir would give everlasting life and cure sickness.

Simplified alchemy is transforming something that is dull into something precious and finding the key to a happy and long life.  Therefore Self Relationship Alchemy is transforming the how we interact with ourselves.  Treating ourselves with great love, value and precious-ness!  As well as living a happier life which most likely leads to a longer life!

For many (women in particular) the “self” relationship, being such things as self-confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-love and self-respect is often non existent.  The lack of such qualities is seemingly acceptant just as “the way they are” and it isn’t until enormous pain and unhappiness occurs that they consider transforming this.

Your relationship with yourself is reflected in ALL other areas of life.  Finances, friendships, relationships, career, environments.  What you do and don’t attract in life.  So if you are attracting people and situations that are less than you deserve and/or want, consider how the relationship with yourself is.

Ways to Alchemise your Self Relationship

  • Set boundaries:  Where are you limits of what you are willing to accept.  Be clear on what behaviours, communication and interaction is acceptable for you to receive from others.
  • Be Courageous:   Once you know what you are and aren’t willing to accept them you need to be brave and speak up.  Let others know that what they are doing isn’t OK and that you need it to change.
  • Loving Activities:   Do more of the things you love doing.  Those things perhaps you haven’t done for while and those activities that make you happy when doing them.
  • Attention Placement:  What are you focusing on?  It is empowering or dis-empowering?  What “stories” are you telling yourself which are stemming from a perception rather than fact?
  • Build confidence “muscle”:  Confidence is like building a muscle, it takes time and repetitive activities.  So start small and let it build!
  • Stop loathing activities:  Do less of the things you dislike doing.  Better still outsource them or just stop doing them!
  • Inspiringly Align:  Read quotes, books, insights anything that lifts up your spirit and transforms your day.
  • Resonate Essences:  Find the right essence/s for you and start taking them.  I’ve found them to tranformative!
  • Treat yourself as you treat others:  Often we treat others better than ourselves, so start interacting with yourself as if you were another.  Actually treat yourself better than that!
  • See your Kinesiologist:  OK, this one is a bit cheeky!  However in my practice I have been able to help my clients uncover the patterns and blockages that impede them from alchemising their “self” relationship.
    More importantly I have given my clients tools and techniques to clear them clear such blockages so that they are empowered having self confidence, love, respect, worth and self belief.

 

Know you are not everyone’s cup of tea and that there will be people who won’t like you, who won’t agree with who you are or with what you do.  In my experience, in most cases, this happens when that person is projecting their own “stuff” rather than owning it.

Whatever the case is, the stronger you are within yourself, the more you know who you are, love and accept all aspects of who you are …. what others think simply won’t matter.

Also the more that you invest into your “self” relationship you will find that your external world will reflect this and that  you will attract more of what you deserve and desire.

We have both face to face and skype sessions available.  If you are interested in scheduling a session with us please click on this link:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

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heartbreak

Moving on from heartbreak

In my 20’s my friends would laugh at my comical stories regarding my love life and trust me there was a few!  However there were a few which weren’t so comical, the hurt went a lot deeper which even I couldn’t laugh about.

Heartbreak can be such a difficult thing to move through and isn’t anything I would wish upon anybody.  It can be debilitating.  I recall not being able to eat, having that pit in the bottom of my stomach, not being able to focus on anything else other that “him” and the crying….I just couldn’t stop crying.  Everything felt hopeless and it felt like it would never end.

However it did and after going through the process a few times I came to understand there were things that I could do to help move myself through the grieving process!

When we enter into a relationship the bonding with that person happens on many levels other than just the physical.  We also bond with them on a spiritual level, an emotional level and on a biochemical level.  So when we physically break up with someone those others levels are often left unresolved and thus we are still connected to them.  This is one of the reasons that we find it difficult to let them go!

Vibrational Mis-match

Relationships break up because there is a vibrational mis-match.  What that means is our energy which is a result of our thoughts, beliefs, actions is not compatible or in harmony with another.  So not everyone vibrates at our level and nor do we at theirs.

If there is an energy mis-match then the bond between the two people is unstable energy. Unstable energy requires additional energy in order to try to keep it stable.

Usually there is one party who will be giving this additional energy and will do so until they are drained and unable to give any more.  However, as in science without constant energy being given to maintain this unstable energy it will decay.

Action:  Consider the mis-match of the relationship, in what ways were you and are you not compatible.  Who was the person who put in the additional energy to try to keep the bond working?  How was it draining to you?  to them?

Relationship Amensia

When we break up with someone it is very easy to fall into the mind trap of forgetting all the things that were making us unhappy in the relationship.  To only remember the good things that happened, the fun times as well as the positive traits the person has.

We get relationship amnesia which blocks the “bad” memories; the things we didn’t like about the person or what they did.  The facts and truths about what went on.

Action:  Get real about the relationship.  Whilst there would have been happy times and positive traits in the other person, you need to focus on all truths.  So for you to let go and move on focus on the other aspect – the negative traits they person has as well as the things that made you feel less or detracted from you and having a healthy relationship.

Heartbreak What if’s

Even if I was the one who had done the breaking up, something that would play with my head space was the “what if”.  What if they find someone else.  It seemed that if they found someone else, I would consider this as a failure on my behalf.

The likelihood is that they will move on to someone else, just as you most likely will.  If you resonate with the “what if” one of these two concepts may help you:

  1. You have lost someone who may not have loved you, however more importantly they have lost someone who loved them.
  2. You chose to reject what this person was offering.  What they were capable of giving.  So if / when they find someone else it is because the person they attract is wiling to accept what’s on offer.

Action:  Place the value on yourself on what you have to offer, rather than on them.  Also consider the reason you are giving your power away and stop it!

Cut the energy cords

As mentioned previously when we connect with someone it is not just physically.  We also create energy cords with them via our energy centres called chakras.  Cords are typically created at the heart, solar plexus and base chakras.  They connect two people’s subtle bodies and allows for an exchange of emotional and chi energy.

A such a cord is energetic and not of physical substance, thus physical interaction and distance is irrelevant.  This means someone can have an affect on us even if they are not around or in contact with us.

Action:  Disconnect from another by either calling your spirit back and / or cutting these energetic cords.

Refer to our article:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/2016/04/30/calling-your-spirit-back/

Emotion addiction

Your emotions are a chemical response to our stimulus’ in our environment.   Our brain creates chemicals call neuropeptides which the body receives via receptors and similar to drug addictions your body becomes hooked on receiving the chemicals your emotions (good or bad) generate.

Therefore if you are in a less than healthy relationship which creates drama, your body can become hooked on the emotion that such drama creates.  So when you break up with that person and there is no more drama, you will unconsciously create drama for your “fix”.  In this instance the drama can be that you won’t let them go.

Action:  Change the way you are thinking so that you are focused on things that make you happy.  You could also create new “fixes” to positive emotions by doing things that make you happy.

Another idea is to consider what you have considered unconsciously what love is and re-define it into something that is more positive.

Nurture yourself

Above everything else when you are experiencing heartbreak it is an ideal time for self love and nurturing.  This can via eating nourishing foods and abstaining from refined sugars and carbohydrates.  Drinking plenty of water and detoxing from alcohol at least for the short term.

Make a list of the things that make you happy, that you enjoy doing them and start building these things into your routine.

Take time to journal, to let your thoughts and feelings flow out and onto the page.  Studies have show that journaling has a therapeutic effect and is a safe and cathartic way to release the person and/or event.    I am also a great believer that you don’t have to keep what you have written and if it feels right you can burn it or rip it up to really let go of it.

Meditation is another great way to calm and nurture the mind, body and soul.  Particularly guided meditations which are aimed at releasing or letting go.

Action:  Schedule in your diary time for yourself and make note of how you will spend that time.

So whilst it may seem that your world is crumbling and there is no end to this pain, if you can find just enough strength to do one or all of these suggestions they will help you to move forward.  Help you to resolve the heartbreak you are feeling and accept what has happened, enabling you to move out of this draining space and into a much happier one.

Your heartbreak has a reason and there is a powerful lesson for you to learn.  The quicker that you learn this lesson, the quicker you find yourself.  In addition to this when you establish a healthy loving relationship with yourself, the more likely and quicker you will get back on the right path to finding love outside yourself.

If you find yourself still struggling with your heartbreak you may want to consider kinesiology.  Contact us now via: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

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Assertive

Executing Assertive Communication

A friend recommended a book for me, “Getting to Commitment”, I bought it out of sufferance not thinking I have commitment issues, until my best friend laughed hysterically at that comment.  So read the book I did….and…

This book is life changing.  Whilst there were many things that were resonating, one that was a true epiphany was letting yourself be known.   Your self being thoughts, feelings, opinions and in doing so having courage to allow others to do the same.

It was my normal behaviour to keep my inner thoughts, feelings and opinions to myself letting them simmer until I would “explode”.  Then the rare time I did bare my soul and speak up, it cost me what I thought was a close friend.Communication

This only added to my hesitancy to share my thoughts, feelings and knowledge because I am scared if I speak my truth I will loose another friend/s.  However as difficult as it is for me I realise that if speaking my truth (with love and respect) costs me a friendship, so be it.

Noting this is a two way street which meant whilst I don’t have to agree or like what others say it is important to also give them the space to “be known”.

Assertiveness, in communication, is having the confidence and courage to speak up for your self and/or others. To express your feelings, opinions and needs in an honest, calm, positive and appropriate way.

To be assertive means to treat yourself, your needs, your thoughts and feelings as equal to others.   The purpose of which is to ensure that your rights and needs are met, as well as ensuring your boundaries are maintained and that you are not being taken advantage of.  All whilst respecting and consider the needs of others, however not at the expense of your own.

For most being assertive has not been encouraged and therefore it is not a skill which comes naturally to them.  However with self awareness and practice it is a skill than anyone can master.

Reason people aren’t assertive

Up until recent times the adage was that “children should be seen and not heard”.  Along with this most were taught to put others before themselves, as this is the “right” thing to do.  Whilst it is a wonderful quality to honour and respect others, never would I encourage this to be done at the expense of one’s self.

Also most people have an innate desire to be liked.  Fearing the rejection of another, they reject themselves rather than displease another.  There is a perception and assumption that when we voice our own wants, needs or opinions it will cause unpleasantness.  Which it is usually does; 100% of the time with ourselves.   As to whether it will with another; maybe or maybe not.

In the long run the result of this behaviour is that you’ll feel taken advantage.  Which results in you becoming resentful. Paradoxially by not asserting ourselves we end up jeoparising our relationships.

Clarifying assertiveness v’s Agressiveness

As explained above being assertive is being respectful to your wants and needs as well as being mindful of another rights and needs.  It is communicating this in a way which is respectful of another.

Whereas when someone is being aggressive they tend to have their wants and needs met in a disrespectful way which violates the needs of others.  Typically their behaviour is hostile, demanding, blaming and punishing.  They may get what they want via “threats”, sarcasm, catty comments, gossiping and perhaps even via physical means.

Ways to assert yourself

  1. Fundamental Assertion:   Using “I want” or “I feel” statements we express our wants, needs, feelings, beliefs and /or opinions.
  1. Empathic Assertion:   This statement incorporates your sensitivity of the other person’s feelings and/or situation followed by your feeling and/or needs and wants.
    For example:  “I know that going to the movies is really important to you and whilst I also want to see the movie I’d prefer to do it on the weekend when I can really relax and enjoy it with you.”
  1. Magnification Assertion:   This technique is typically used when you have used one or both of the previous methods and the person continues of disregard  your needs and wants.
    When using this method you’ll become increasingly firm.  Lowering / deepening your voice can also assist at this stage.  Usually you will also state a consequence should the behaviour continue.    Please know if you use this method and give a consequence you must be willing to follow through with the consequence.
    For example:  “John, I’ve explained previously when  you speak to me like that it upsets me.  I feel quite disrespected and that you don’t care for my feelings.  If you continue to speak to me like that I am going to hang up the phone”.
  1. I-Language Assertion:  This method can support you to constructively express your feelings when a situation is leaving you extremely upset, frustrated, even to the point of anger.  It involves a 3-part statement:
  • When you do . . . (describe the behaviour).
  • The effects are . . . (describe how the behaviour concretely affects you).
  • I’d prefer. . . (describe what you want).

The structure of the statement endeavours to seek a solution to the situation rather than blame another and/or get caught up in the emotion.

For Example:  “When you didn’t buy the groceries like you said you would, I couldn’t make the kids lunches.  I feel hurt and angry with you.   Next time, I’d like you to follow through when you agree to do something like that.”

Tips on being more Assertive

1. Have courage and bravery along with other values and beliefs which support you in asserting yourself.  Give yourself permission to say “no”, to make mistakes and to ask for help.

2. Don’t allow others to interrupt you, ask them to wait to share their viewpoints until you have finished.

3. Be aware of and cease self-limiting behaviours, such nodding too much, tilting your head, or not having eye contact.

4. Be decisive when you say no.  Don’t explain why and don’t be overly apologetic.

5. Use “I want” or “I feel” statements. Acknowledge the other person’s situation or feelings followed by a statement in which you stand up for your rights. E.g. “I know you’re X, but I feel…”

6. Use “I” language declarations (see #4 in ways to be assertive).

7. Practice effective listening skills.  Listen to what is and isn’t being said.  Ask questions if you need to clarify and know it is OK to communicate your observations.  E.g. “when you say x, I notice you are seeming angry”

8. Practice!   With the help of friends and family members you trust, practice being assertive. Start with less anxiety-evoking situations and build up your assertiveness muscle.   If there are situations you aren’t assertive, consider where you could have done better and what strategy you’ll implement the next time.

 

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Rejection

Rejection; invite and encourage it!

You, me, everyone at some stage (and many at every stage) of their life has been rejected.  Rejection started the moment that authority figure in your life said “no” to you, which for most of us was from a very young age.

I don’t know many people who like being told “no”, a word which equates to being rejected.    Perhaps it is because of the connection made to that word.  At a young age when you are told “no” it meant not getting, or doing, what you want.  However sometimes not getting or doing what you want is a VERY good thing.  What is interesting is that being told “no” is how we beging building resilience.

Rejection is not only about not getting what you want.  Rejection is also when you dismiss yourself or another; an idea and even an emotion.   Rejection isn’t fun and it certainly doesn’t feel good; whether you are the rejector or the rejectee.

The reason rejection doesn’t feel good is because of the way it is perceived.  If you can alter your perception to see the benefits of rejection, you will realise it IS indeed a very good thing.

Benefits of rejection

Tong zhi bu tong Bu tong Zhi tong
In Oriental medicine there is a saying; “Tong zhi bu tong Bu tong zhi tong”.  Which translates to  “Where there is free flow, there is no pain, where there is pain, there is no free flow”.

If rejection is causing you pain then it is a sign you are resisting the flow of life.  A sign you are stagnating and opposing the flow of where life needs you to go and/or whom it needs you to go with.

Alternatively if you accept that the reason the rejection happened is because your life is flowing in a different direction than you thought then such pain resides or simple doesn’t exist.

So….Let go and let flow!

Love who you are – ALL parts
When you feel rejected it’s an indicator that there is a part of you that isn’t feeling loved or worthy.  Or if related to a person it can be that this person has aspects of themselves they don’t love or perhaps they aren’t feeling worthy.

Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you inferior without your consent”.  When you love who you are and that means ALL part of who you are, the good and the not so good, then you can’t be rejected.

Know that in the good there is “negative aspects” and in the bad there is “positive aspects”.  When you see both sides of the equation in the one, then you become balanced about the person and/or situation and you achieve harmony.

In Neale Donald Walsh’s story “The Little Soul” it reminds us that we are all born from the light and this beautiful light resides within us.  Connect with that beautiful light and let that light attract the situation and/or person that is right for you.

Course Correction
If you are being rejected then it means you are trying.  If you are trying then just in that alone you are being successful!  Trying also means that you are moving forward, you are taking a step forward on your life course / route.

Therefore when you are trying and you experience rejection it simple means that your planned route requires an adjustment to ensure you will reach the right destination.   This adjustment is leading you to something or someone better.

Also perhaps you were thinking to “small” and limiting yourself.  Thus rejection is the Universe’s way to remind and/or advise you to aim higher and for what you truly deserve!

What now?

It’s not that rejection won’t ever sting, however it’s how you view and utilise that rejection is what matters.  You don’t need a “why” to do that, in fact most people get so hung up on the “why” that they anchor to it and to the past.

I urge you to use any and all rejection to learn, grow and flow.  So “anchor’s away”, learn to love the person or situation for what it stood for and focus on the destination you want to arrive at!

If you still find it hard to let go of your rejection/s then book an appointment with us via:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointment/ .  Mention this article for a 10% discount.

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Healthy Relationships

How to determine healthy relationships

It takes courage to stop the merry-go-round and honestly analyse our relationships.  Those close interactions with family, friends, colleagues and our partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, wife and/or husband).  And if you find yourself reading this it is likely that you are questioning the health of one or more of those relationships.

At times it seems as plain as day that the relationship is unhealthy.   However there is a difference between unhealthy interactions and unhealthy connections.  So if you believe your relationship can be saved, if you hold out hope that things will improve, here is a method for  genuinely determining that.

The old adage “it takes two to tango” definitely applies to relationships.  Both parties participate in the dynamic, thus there cannot be any blame gaming.  In order to preserve themselves, one or both of the due will apportion blame to the other party.  Making the other person “wrong” so that they can feel “right” about their own behaviour.

The first step in determining the health of your relationship is to take ownership for how you are specifically contributing to the current dynamic.  Now that doesn’t mean that you behaviour is necessarily negative, however what it does mean is that whatever you are or aren’t doing lends to allowing the other’s behaviour.

An common example of how people contribute is by being the the “passive” person in the duo.  They often participate by not speaking up and not reinforcing their boundaries.  Check out our post regarding boundaries: http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/?s=boundaries

Stipulating our boundaries is a way for a person to express what is right (and wrong) for them; what they are willing and NOT willing to accept.  Such boundaries often include behaviours from your partner which are and aren’t ok for you.

This may be your contribution to the dynamic and if so take time to consider what your boundaries are.  If not, then how are you specifically contributing?

Another common theme I have found with people who are in unhealthy relationships is that they often put the other person first and before their own needs.  They give so much that they find themselves being drained and often to the point where they are depleted.

In some cases this giving soul feels obligated to giving in order to keep the relationship.  They often have self sacrificed to the point that they have lost their identity.  Because their needs are not being met in the relationship by their partner or by them self.

So the second step in this process is to determine the equality of the give/take scenario in your relationship.  How much do you give in your relationship OR how much do you take? Is it even or is there an imbalance in this equation.  Also what part of  your identity have you given up to keep the relationship?  What part of your soul needs to be reclaimed?

In his book, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, John Gray advises there are six needs that men and women need to be fulfilled in order to feel loved.  When our needs are not being met we don’t feel loved AND we as our cup is nRelationshipsow filled, we are not able to love to our full capacity.

The third aspect of this process is now to determine which of your needs are not being met.

Also which of your partner’s needs could you be mindful of meeting?  If a woman in a heterosexual relationship, could you genuinely admire your partner more?  Could you tell him what he does that you appreciate?

Once you have gotten clarity about your relationship in that you:

  • understand your contribution to your relationship’s current status
  • have clarified what your boundaries are and any behaviours that are not acceptable to you in a relationship
  • are clear on the amount of give/take that is happening
  • know which of your needs are not being met and which ones you are not meeting

you’re now in a position to make the changes you need in order for it to be healthy.  So one thing to be aware of….

When the dynamic of a person and a relationship changes you may find the other party doesn’t like these changes.  You may find that they impede the changes by refusing to participate or behaving in such a way that keeps the status quo.

This is usually because they feel safe with you playing the role that you’ve been playing.  Most likely the way things have been makes them feel important and good about themselves.  Communication plays such an important part at this stage.  Explaining how and why things need to change, the benefits to them as well as yourself.

In the instance this is a healthy relationship your other party will understand and they will be willing to work with you to make the changes.  It doesn’t necessarily mean things will go smoothly however they will be willing to try.

On the other hand if this is an unhealthy relationship you will find the changes you desire obstructed and they will show restraint.  Now this doesn’t mean you “exit right”, what it does mean that you need to help your other party understand that you are serious about the changes and the consequences of such changes not happening.

If you go to this step, of stipulating consequences you MUST ensure you follow through.  It takes courage to step up and it takes even more courage to follow through.  However remember you would have given them a fair opportunity to change.  You would have explained the importance to you of the reasons this change is important.

In the event you don’t follow through then it adds more dysfunction to the relationship.  As in the fable “The boy who cried wolf”, the other party won’t believe you even when you have been pushed past your limit.

Relationships are about growth; either people grow together or they grow apart.  If your current friend, partner, work colleague is not willing to grow with you and support you in your growth then know there is someone else out there for you who will.

When you are no longer willing to accept dysfunction and dramatic relationships you raise your self love and respect.   You raise our vibration to let the universe know the type of relationship you are willing to accept.  When you trust your self and in the Universe you will attract that person who is on the same level as you.

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