Tag Archives: Confidence

Flattening the emotional curve

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Right now there is so much discussion, and guidelines, on how to flatten the curve. It is just as important that we give the same consideration to flattening the emotional curve.

One of the main reasons it is important to flatten the emotion curve is due to the impact our emotions have on our health.  Neuroscientist Candace Pert explains in her book, Molecules of Emotion, “As our feelings change, this mixture of peptides travels throughout your body and your brain. And they’re literally changing the chemistry of every cell in your body.”

Our cells are fundamental building blocks of our physical being.  It is at this level where our health and well-being is determined.    It is said that 95% of dis-ease is stress related. If our cells are flooded with negativity,  negative chemistry will result. Impacting your cells from performing optimally.

As described by Hockenbury & Hockenbury, “An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioural or expressive response.”  

This means what you are fundamentally in charge of your emotional curve. What you are feeling is right for you. Based on what you have decided something to mean for you. Now I’m not saying that what you are thinking is necessarily correct, your perception will be your reality.

Most people deny how they are feeling, especially when it is typically considered to be negative. Yet when you deny, repress or do not allow an emotion you create a neurological block. A block not only to that negative emotion yet also to the equally opposite positive one.

Typically considered negative emotions, used correctly are healthy, as long as you don’t allow them to fester and spiral into them. There is a big difference in acknowledging how you are feeling and spiralling into that feeling.

Dissolving emotions

First step in flattening the emotional curve is to acknowledging how you feel and give yourself permission to feel that way. For example it is okay to be angry as long as you don’t spiral down (or out of control) with your anger

The next step is to endeavour to understand the reason you are feeling that way. I’m a great believer in not needing the know the why in order to heal; however it can assist. So if you can’t work it out, that too is okay.

Then you need to ask yourself what is it you need to dissolve the negative emotion (or heighten a positive one). Making sure you following through on doing whatever it is you need.

Other tools to help flatten the emotional curve are:

Meditation

Meditation is the act of contemplation, reflection and/or prayer where you focus your mind with the intention of slowing down that thoughts will rise and choosing to not engage with these thoughts.  

It is the process of be-ing; in that exact moment in time, free of busyness and distractions, not in the past and not in future, just present moment.

Like any new skill meditation can take time to master. So be compassionate with yourself when you start – it may you take you a few times before you are able to stop engaging with your thoughts.

To support your meditation process, try giving yourself another focus, such as your breath or music. A great breathing method for getting in to meditation is the 4-7-8 method. Breathe in for four, hold for seven and breathe out for eight. It helps relax you by shifting your from Sympathetic Nervous system (fight / flight response) to the Parasympathetic Nervous system (calm/composed state).

Another favourite suggestion for beginners is to light a candle and place your focus on the flame. Closing your eyes and then bringing the image of the flame into your mind. When your mind starts to wander open your eyes and focus on the physical flame, then closing your eyes again getting that image of the flame back in your minds eye. Continue doing so for the duration of the meditation.

Also start small…as in 5 or 10 minutes. Some is better than none.

Thymus Tapping

In Kinesiology we use thymus tapping to overall increase your energy levels as well as help energetically increase your capacity and ability to cope.  In addition it is believed to energetically increase your immune system.

To do this tap on the centre of your chest where your sternum is and at the same time tap on the side of your body in alignment with where the crease of your arm naturally falls. Do this for approx. 30 seconds on one side and then 30 seconds on the other. 

Focus of Concern / Focus of Influence

Stephen Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People refers to the Circle of Influence v’s Circle of Concern.  Essentially it is about where you are placing your focus.  Are you focused on what is concerning you and getting bogged down by those concerns or are you focused on what action/s you can take to address what concerns you.

Focus of influence is about being empowered and proactive; to help you realise you have more power over things than you think.

Goals

Humans are teleological, which means we have a natural, inbuilt goal seeking drive.  If we are not out seeking our own goals we tend to help and support others to seek theirs. 

So having a goal, even if for the hour or day, sets your focus and intention on achieving something positive for yourself.

Journalling

James Pennebaker, a professor at the University of Texas undertook over forty years of research as to how journalling helped the individual to process significant emotional experiences.  His researched demonstrated that by spending 20 minutes per day journalling participants experienced significant improvements physically and mentally.

They indicated they were happier, more cheerful and hopeful and calmer.  Months after the journalling sessions their blood pressure had lowered, immune function impressed and overall felt healthier.   They also indicated their relationships had improved, their memory was better and were having more successes at work.

Journalling / writing allows us to step out from the problem and see it from another perspective.  Thus creating distance which can bring perspective about a situation.

Vitamin B & Iron

A scientific study from Japan found there is a significant correlation between panic/anxiety attacks and low levels of vitamin B6 and iron.

Serotonin, your body’s natural mood stabiliser and “happiness chemical”. It is synthesised in the body from the amino acid, tryptophan. For the synthesis of serotonin, vitamin B6 (Vit B6) and iron play important co-factors.

Thus increasing foods that are a source of tryptophan, Iron and Vitamin B could help improve your mindset. Foods that are a source of tryptophan are pumpkin seeds, turkey, grapefruit, tune, eggs, chia seeds, mozzarella sesame seeds and pistachios. Foods rich in Iron are spinach, red meat, lentils, cooked oysters, dark chocolate and white beans. Foods rich in Vitamin B6 are pork, turkey, fish, eggs, potato and bananas.

Protection

Just as you protect your physical body, it is important that we also protect and safeguard your energy fields in order to keep your energy clear of others energy and/or negative influences.

Energy which is not your own, especially when it is negative energy, can influence you resulting in stress, imbalance, mood swings, tiredness, lack of confidence, illness.  Such energy can actually depletes your own energy leaving you without the vitality you need for general living.

Daily we interact with EMF’s – electromagnetic fields which we can’t see yet are received with us.  Same too with energy.  When you interact with people, or even when passing by strangers,  your energy field connects or interacts with their energy field. This is why sometimes certain people can make you feel “off”.

Some of my favourite ways to protect my energy is essential oils such as Lavender or Frankincense, I also love the Resonate Essences Protection oil and I tend to use black tourmaline crystals to safeguard my energy fields.

If you found this helpful, be sure to head over to website for other articles full of tips and guidance.

Also if, after trying these techniques, you are still struggling with processing through your emotions then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology.  You can book an appointment with me via:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Self Worth

Self worth ~ The foundation of empowerment

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The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines self worth as ” a sense of one’s own value as a human being”. It is interesting that this definition defines self worth on how a person sees themselves when in reality many people base their self worth on how they perceive others see them and/or how others treat them.

Whilst self worth is an internal “job” only you can decide if you are worthy or not. Often we have internalised other peoples perceptions and judgements to become our own. When this happens we’ve just made someone else an authority on ourselves. When we’ve made them an authority we’ve basically said they know us better than we know ourselves.

Once those perceptions and judgements have been taken on board we’ve then given them “references” or connected them so strong with emotion that they become our truth and our beliefs about ourselves. Beliefs about who we are, our beliefs as to what we do and don’t deserve and what we will and won’t accept.

Most of our belief and neurological patterns occur from the ages of two to seven.  At a time when we were unable to question what we were told, and when our parents are the most significant role models we have. Therefore the words they use (or don’t use), the actions they take (or don’t take), their reactions and non- reactions, all of which are teaching us and giving us conscious and unconscious messaging.

We then interact with the world by connecting with family, going to daycare, then school or even watching television.  All of which we discover other significant role models, who also can have a strong influence on us. Reinforcing our beliefs or supplement our beliefs by giving us new ones.

All of which is at an age when we did not have the necessary tools, nor resources to test the truisms of what we told, taught or shown.

Whilst beliefs can be created from various other sources, it is primarily significant people to whom we consciously or unconsciously give authority to regarding our self worth.

As a child or teenager it is understandable that we consider significant people in our lives as an authority ~ because they usually do have a role to discipline, decide what is right for us and give us orders. Yet as we grow into adulthood we don’t realise that we are most likely continuing to give their voice a platform.

As we mature we bring others into our lives in the form of friends and partners. People who whom we hold in strong regard and thus can have a strong influence on us and thus whom may impact our worthiness or lack thereof.

I recall in college an English teacher who told me that my writing was no good. As she was my teacher, an authority figure, I believed her. The way she also gave me this feedback, it seemed to me, that I would never be any good at it.

However I love writing. I love the creation aspect of it and it is something that gives me joy. It is something that when I am in the flow, I do so with ease. However what I realised was there was a block to me writing, instead I’d find other activities that “needed” doing.

Whilst it could be said I was procrastinating, it actually was this teacher’s words unconsciously playing in the background. Because whenever I went to write I became aware I was doubting the quality of my writing and whether any one would want to read it.

Another example of where my worth was dependant on a “significant other” was an ex-boyfriend who cheated several times during our relationship. I took his cheating as a sign that there was something wrong with me for him to do that.

In order to build your self worth you need to have awareness. Awareness of who are the significant other/s to whom you have, or are, giving a platform to. A platform for their voice and/or behaviours to mean more than your own.

The next step is consciously to take your power back from them. This is done by our “Calling your Spirit back” meditation ( http://innersagisms.thinkific.com/courses/calling-your-spirit-back-audio ).

Alternatively you can take your power back by knowing you have choice as to what you do and don’t listen to. I do this by simply saying to myself “I choose not to listen to those words any longer. I choose to listen to my own”.

You can also take your power back by re-framing what you made their actions or words mean. Re-framing is a method used to look at things from a different perspective to view a person, experience or situation in a more empowering way.

Taking the example of the teacher. As soon as I realised her words were playing in the background, I made a choice to no longer allow them to. I also re-framed this by understanding that what I wrote didn’t mean her expectations. Whilst it could have possibly needed work, it didn’t mean what I wrote was all “bad”.

Also in the example of the ex-boyfriend. We had chosen to be in a committed relationship and he didn’t maintain our agreement. It had nothing to do with me, it was about his choices. I stopped making his actions about me and instead identified his actions as reflective of him.

Significant others can trigger the creation of a belief about yourself and your worth, however you will have been seeking out references to support that belief. To help release these references you want to question their validity yet also seek out references where the opposite is true.

Using the example of the teacher, such alternative references are the many clients who’ve told me how much they love my articles and how much they help them. I’ve also been approached by publications asking me if they can use my articles. Other references are the articles which have been published.

The more references you seek out that reflect your self worth then the stronger that belief will be. The less you engage in sabotaging patterns and behaviours, the more your self worth will increase.

Your worth is within you. Stop giving others the power to affect how you feel about your self. Go within and from inside out build your own worth. Be your authority on who you are and the value you bring. Do this by knowing yourself – knowing who you are and loving all of that; knowing you are not and loving all of that also!

Choices

How all your choices are supporting you

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Are you aware that ALL your choices, whether they are empowering or disempowering choices are actually supporting you?

To make a choice is the act of choosing between two (or more) alternatives.  Choice then gives you possibilities of an outcome.

So when you make a choice you are simply deciding what is best for yourself in that given moment.  However it could be in that given moment, you are inadvertently supporting an aspect of yourself which isn’t in aligned with your long term goals / outcome you desire or what is really important to you.

For example lately I’ve been choosing to watch Orange is the New Black (a TV show on Netflix).  This choice isn’t a “bad” choice as it has supported me by having balance by giving me some down time.

However by making this choice I’ve also been able to avoid writing and thus “supporting” myself by not having to address a fear I have around writing.  At the time I didn’t realise that the less than great choice (to watch TV) was actually supporting my fear.

This is true for many people, they are often making choices not have awareness of their known or unknown motivation behind the choices they are making.

Ideally you want to become aware of the unconscious (or conscious) patterns that are impeding or sabotaging you from what you want, kinesiology is one effective way to do this.  As kinesiology bypasses the conscious mind using your innate wisdom to increase your awareness and thus expands the choices available to you to make.

It is also important to know that at times your choices will be made from habitual actions due to the neural pathways which have been reinforced and thus ingrained to become an automatic choice.   Which means you will usually have limited awareness until after the fact.

When we have greater awareness around our choices, we also have a great capacity to take responsibility and accountability for them.  Thus enabling us to create new and empowering neural pathways that lead us to make more suitable choices which long term become the new norm.

Increasing awareness of your choices

 

  • Self Awareness:   The key to making empowering choices is awareness.  When you are aware of what is driving your choice, whether it be an emotion, mood or re-action, then you have choice as to how you want to act and be.  Without awareness you are operating from a habitual nature. 

    At the end of the day reflect the choices that you have made.  What was each choice supporting specifically?  Were they empowering or disempowering?  How did you feel at the time you made that choice?  What were you thinking about?  What would help you to make different choices?

 

  • Journalling:  Writing  is a great way to get out of our heads as such and step out from the problem / situation and to see it from another perspective.  Also journalling allows you to get raw and honest with yourself, which means you can acknowledge how the current choices are impeding you.  Understand more about journalling with our article:   http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/2016/04/20/journalling-a-tool-to-aid-healing/

 

Often people beat themselves up for making “wrong” choices, however ultimately a choice is just that, a choice.  There is no right or wrong choice, as every choice is supporting you.

However if you feel you’ve made a less than great choice, one which doesn’t support you, then just make another choice that does.

Self Confidence

Building self confidence; A process not destination

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Self confidence isn’t something you can buy off a self.  Building self confidence is a process.  It is a way of being which you create, or perhaps access, internally.

To possess self confidence is to have belief, trust, faith and an assurance in who you are and/or your abilities.  It is an internal state about what  you think, and feel, about  yourself.  Your confidence is fluid, which means it is a changeable state that can be dependent on:   what is happening around you; how you process and respond to situations, people, etc and your experiences.

Building your confidence in your self gives you a tool you can draw upon to stop second-guessing yourself,  to release doubts, manage your fears and to take action.  Self confidence can be likened to a muscle; in that the more you use it the more you strengthen it!

When you think about things you do daily such as making a cup of tea, logging into your computer, making a phone call, driving a vehicle, or getting the bus, you most likely have confidence to do these things.

Remember that confidence is having trust, belief, faith and assurance in your self and your abilities.  It could be suggested that it is not that you lack confidence however you are lacking acknowledgement of your abilities and that you can transfer this to other tasks or areas.

In my experience, confidence is similar to the four stages of learning.  Which fundamentally teaches us that to be competence or perhaps confident there is a process we go through via learning and repetition.

Commonly I have found when asked what a person needs to do to build their self confidence, their response to be “I don’t know”.  For some it is such a foreign concept and thus they don’t know where to start.

Here are some tried and proven ways to build your self confidence:

  • Focus.  At the end of the day review what you achieved and/or what you did well.  Place your focus on what you are doing, rather than what you aren’t doing.
  • Regularly recognise and celebrate your achievements – it’s healthy to do so!
  • Self Talk.  Become aware of how you speak and what you say to yourself.  If it isn’t positive “cancel / delete” it and say something nice to yourself.
  • Exercise.  Go for a walk, run or to the gym.  Yoga, swimming, whatever exercise that makes you feel good.
  • Posture.  Stand tall, shoulders back and head high.  Scientific studies show that posture impacts the brain!
  • Learn something new.  Not only does it help make new neurological pathways it also helps show you that you can grasp new information.
  • Do something “fearful” each day.  By doing so we are teaching ourselves to “feel the fear and do it anyway”.  Each time building your confidence muscle that you CAN achieve things.
  • Smile.  According to science smiling increases endorphin’s which in turn create positive emotions; including confidence!
  • Know yourself.  Understand all aspects of who you are; what your strengths are as well as what you consider your less than great traits are.  The next step is to find the benefits to these “weaknesses”.  When you know who you are and love all aspects of who you are then no one else can affect you.
  • Trust your instincts.  We all have an innate knowing within, learn to listen to it and have faith in what you feel is right / wrong.
  • Emanate someone who is confident.  Consider someone you respect and whom you feel is confident.  Identify what it is they do differently that conveys confidence and how you can embrace that.
  • Stop comparing yourself.  When your compare yourself, you automatically put your self down and discount your own positive aspects.
  • Get clear on the things and people that truly matter to you.  Create a list of the things  or people you have been tolerating and then consider what action you need to take to either remove or minimise the impact.
  • Manual control.  Disengage your auto pilot and be mindful about your decisions so they reflect what really matters to you.
  • Create an action plan.  Be deliberate about action you will take and commit to following through.  Ensure you acknowledge the actions and benefits so you can see your progress.  It helps grow confidence and give self reinforcement.

Being confident isn’t a goal or an end-point that you reach and then stop.  It is an ongoing and continuous process.   Confidence can be likened to a flowering plant.  It doesn’t flower on command, instead after being nourished via various ways it flourishes; over and over again.

If after trying these techniques you are still struggling with your self confidence then consider scheduling an appointment for kinesiology.  You can book an appointment with us via:  http://www.theinnersageaustralia.com/appointments/

Visibility

Visibility: Emerging from the Shadows

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A little over two years ago I left a less than healthy relationship (every girl usually has at least one!).  A relationship that had sucked me dry of confidence, self belief and worth. One which left me wanting to decrease my visibility in the world, and more specifically to men, so I unconsciously decided to put on weight.

My weight gain was a way to hide myself because it seemed “safe” however it was also an indication that I there were underlining aspects to address.  It also became more evident that as I started to build my business not only was I hiding myself away from men, I was also hiding myself away from women – the very people I wanted to help.

Weight gain is one way to do in-visibility, another is to hide behind images other than your own; being angry; being despondent and/or failing to socialise.

Visibility; without it you won’t get the relationship you want, the job you desire or clients and thus finances you require for your business to succeed.  In fact your success in any endeavour will be moderate unless you allow yourself to be seen.

Visibility requires courage, as Benjamin Mee said “all you need is 20secs…”.  When you have such courage and give yourself permission to be visible you now show up in life.  Showing up means you remove the masquerade to be vulnerable and allow transparency.

Such transparency results in you being a participator rather than a spectator.  You make a choice to be honest, to be authentic which means  you have made the choice to let your true essence/s to be revealed.

Reasons we remain invisible

Rejection
Not many people like rejection, however that is only because they perceive rejection as
Visibilitynegative.  Rejection is symbolic of many positive things, such as:  the need to love who you are; a sign that you are on the wrong path; an indication that you were settling for less than you deserve or that the universe holds for you.

“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.” What Marcus Aurelius is teaching us is that when you choose not to be rejected; when you chose to see it as nothing more than an action of another then you cannot be hurt / rejected.

If fear of rejection has been an issue for you then consider time you have been rejected and in hindsight how being rejected proved to be beneficial.

Confidence
When we lack confidence we shy and back away from opportunities and impede ourselves from reaching our full potential.  When simplified confidence comes down to believing in yourself.  Having certainty about who you are and what you have to offer.  When you are secure in what you offer others and who you are then you have confidence.

Whilst there are external things you can use to lift your confidence (make up, clothes, compliments) it’s a trait that is more powerful when it comes from within you.

Does lacking confidence resonate with you?  Listen to what your inner voice is saying and politely correct it.  Find affirmations that work for you and embed them at a deep level.

Overwhelm
The person who has kept themselves unseen has most likely done this for a period of time.  Thus to remove that invisibility cloak can be very overwhelming.  Even for the person who has had the cloak partially on, it can seem easier to remain in the back ground.  However remember being in the background is holding you back.

Feeling overwhelmed is linked to various things such as:  placing high expectations on ourselves; perfection pressure; a need to control situations and/or making matters to be bigger and more complex than they are.

When having visibility is overwhelming for you, then start small.  Break it down into sizeable chunks.  Consider being visible like building a muscle; small repetitive actions will build up your resilience and you are being seen.

Ways to get visible

Visibility does not mean you have to hire a loud speaker and platform, although it would definitely be breaking some barriers if you did!  Here are some other suggestions for you which might feel much easier:

Smile
Such a simple, cost effective way to connect with people!  A sincere smile can make the difference to someone else’s day – as well as your own!

Share
Sharing is about divulging your thoughts, passions, fascinations and what you stand for.  Which can be done over a coffee, on social media, a blog or via groups and gatherings.

Sharing can be done via writing, photo’s and/or videos.  It can be done via comments, images, quotes or presentations which reflect who you are.  When we have a question, thought or idea you can count on someone else having the same or similar train of thought.  So know that anything you communicate there will be at least one person resonating with you!

What is something you can share that you’ve been hiding?  and how can you share that in a way that feels safe for you?

Go Outside
Physically and metaphysically going outside is empowering.  It is the physical aspect of consciously taking yourself out into the world and metaphysically and/or unconsciously telling Visibilitythe world you are ready to be seen!

Being outside is also a way to get grounded.  When you are grounded we are centred within your self and have a great resilience to stress.

Going outside could be going for a walk, picnic, to the beach, to a cafe to read or work, perhaps going to the shops.  It doesn’t have to be catching up with anyone specifically yet it does mean being in places where there are other people!

Where will you go today which takes you outside into the world?

Connect with people
Often when you’ve been playing the invisible game there will be friends, colleagues or associates whom you haven’t connected with for a while.   There could be other reasons for this however you choosing to cocoon yourself will have contributed.

Some of these people will fall into the category of natural attrition and you won’t have any desire to connect with them.  Others you will feel enthusiastic about re-connecting and the ones you are meant to reconnect with will be genuinely happy to hear from you.

Make a list of people who you haven’t touched base with in a while.  Decide how you will make contact (phone, email, text, facebook), then make contact!

Visibility engages your soul and lights it up.  You become magnetising not just to others yet also to the universe to deliver what it is you are wanting.  Life becomes just that bit more enjoyable.

Please be aware that when you get visible you may not be everybody’s cup of tea and that is absolutely OK.  Because as per Anthropologist Robin Dunbar’s suggestion that we can only maintain a certain number of relationships, so we might as well make sure they are relationships that count!